Episode 31: Tim Mason - Life With One Limb, I'm Armed For Greatness!

0:07 Hello, beautiful humans. Welcome to another episode of Role Models juicy conversations with beautiful humans. I'm Jennifer Norman founder of the human Beauty movement and your host, this podcast thrives on your support. So if you like what you hear, follow us rate US review us and share this episode with everyone. You know, our cross your networks, so everybody get ready to be inspired. Tired. My guest today is Tim Mason. Tim was born in Moscow with no legs and one arm and he finds that humor is the best way to live his life. He shatters myths and defies all the stereotypes about living with disability. In fact, I'd say that Tim is thriving in his independence because he's learned to lean into Joy.

0:51 Welcome Tim. Hi, thank you so much for having me. Oh my goodness. I am just loving that smile. You just light the room of thing. So, it's probably the understatement of the century to say that the start of your life was not very easy. So, can you tell us about that? Yeah, absolutely. I'm so, for those that don't know, I actually just shared my story recently on my public platforms, but I've always been pretty discreet about it, not in the sense of I'm hiding anything, but it's been very important to me. So I was initially born in Moscow. Russia. And I was born, a triple amputee and my mother had given me a bird. Adoption. And I think that in the time, I was born 1997, they didn't have the equipment to be able to see in the womb and stuff like that.

1:38 So I think I was a total surprise, so when I came out, you know, with my birth defects, it was I assumed to be a shock to my biological mother. So she gave me up for adoption and the only thing that she locked with me was a paper that said she didn't want to raise a monster and hearing that as a kid. I was like what? Like I'm never considered myself a monster but I think More that I grew up and not that I you know, get what she meant by that because I absolutely don't. But I do think that I understand her position and every day I'm actually grateful for her choice because I think it brought me here and it gave me the life that I had the freedom to be independent and Independence is something I really treasure. So growing up, I was adopted by my adopted mom at the age of 2 years and 9 months.

2:24 And from then on, I like to say, that's when my life began because I did not talk at all in the orphanage. Age I really had. No a fact I was just, you know, there and when I met my mom and she said, as soon as I got on the plane, that's when I started like talking and everything like that. And she had initially found me on a website and she had said that she was with her friend. And her friend said, oh my God, that boy is an angel. You had to go visit him. So she got in a plane came and visited me. She my dad and they found he was like amazing and stuff like that and then she was in a room with an orphanage director, and Orphanage director was going on about how this poor boy would live no life have no quality of life and, you know, depending on everyone and just sad and really have no value of life. And I she looked over at me and I was making fish faces at her. So I was going like with my labs and imitating, the orphanage director and she said in that moment she knew that there was so much more to me.

3:22 So she got me on a plane and I like I said, I think that's like when my life started and so I had a pretty normal childhood. Hood, I think growing up, I really never felt like I missed out on any opportunities hopping around the playground. I had bunch of friends, I was on a kickball team. I use my hands to kick the ball and just a bunch of stuff. I think you know unfortunately as I progress that's when you kind of see when you get older you do see the disability stereotypes and factors available as but I think growing up I did not at first. Wow, I love how I had listened to one of your videos and you said, well, I was born Big, but still delicious. And I ha, ha ha, sorry, just you drinking your door? No, I thought that was hilarious. But I mean, you definitely do have that sense of humor about things, which is amazing and hearing about your story. What you said is exactly right.

4:19 If your mom didn't have the capacity to be able to raise someone that she wasn't able to understand or feel that she could give the kind of love that you deserve, Curved. Then I think that she did give you a gift in some sort of way. Of course, it was hard to comprehend the manner in which she did it understandably. That could be extremely hurtful for anybody to hear. But in thinking about the new life that you were afforded afterwards and coming into a family that absolutely want to do, absolutely loved you and gave you all these opportunities for you to feel a special and is loved and as joyful as you can, Amen to that. Absolutely. Yeah. I mean I look at as Like a get because I truly think that I tried a lot of people thought, it asked me what it would be like if I was still in Russia and go out there and I honestly, you know, I obviously don't know the climate there right now, but I can confidently say it would be nowhere to where my life is right now and I wouldn't have the freedom, you know, to be me.

5:16 And that's something like I said, I cherish and you said that, you believe that your mom was exposed to radiation, your biological mom was exposed to radiation, most likely from Chernobyl. And there were statistics that something like 600 Thousand children were born having defects as a result of that, nuclear exposure. I'm just so overwhelmed. By the way, that you have blossoms from the understanding that you had this beginning knowing that you weren't alone. Perhaps was also maybe some sort of respite some sort of help and understanding. Wow there were a lot of children that really had it hard. A lot of families that did suffer some consequences that they didn't expect because of an accident that was not necessarily handled in the best way.

6:00 You were able to actually come to a complete different place from that and that's pretty extraordinary. That is the stuff of Miracles, I think. Absolutely. Yeah. I mean, even hearing that story when I was growing up because that's what the orphanage director is, told my mom and just hearing that I was like, wow. I mean, that's crazy. And, you know, I looked up the statistics, I've done papers about it, and it was just huge event and, you know, the radiation still there. It's insane. How impactful something like that was? Yeah, I've known people that have gone back and done tours. Of the actual facility they have to wear the, you know, the gear to make sure that they don't have any radiation issues when they go there. But I think about this almost as this massive metaphor thinking about a toxic environment. Now that is probably as toxic as anything on Earth can get and that radiation did spill in to a lot of people's cells. And for Generations, there's going to be an impact because of that and here is a situation where I think that a lot of people get Cells into not necessarily physically toxic environments.

7:04 Such as your mom did in all of those people that were so close to Chernobyl. But in having the emotional toxicity in their lives and they feel that there's something wrong with them, they feel that they're handicapped in some way because of the emotional toxicity that they've been exposed to knowing that there is a different way. There's a different way of living, there's a different mindset that we can get ourselves into. There's a different path that we can all take, but it really does. Start from understanding. It's not necessarily you, there's nothing wrong with you, you're perfect the way that you are. And let's just really think about all of those things that make us special and unique. And look at all the people's lives that you've been able to touch with your story. Yeah, I mean, I think that's such a good point.

7:45 It really is so true. And I think one of the things a lot of people ask me about being disabled is how I'm limited. And I think when I think about limitations, I don't think of just strictly disabilities. I think about anything in life that hinders us because life Hard. It's difficult. And you know whether it's a physical obstacle that's thrown at you on mental and emotional one. Anything can come at you and it can be rough. So I like to say, you know, it's not just physical disabilities. I can hinder, stop, you. It's literally anything. And I think it's like how you overcome that, that's important. Absolutely. And so give you were saying that growing up, you had friends, you're playing on the playground things were pretty happy. And certainly I think that there are people that are just going to not be Understanding or want to maybe put other people down.

8:33 And a lot of that is stemming from their own issues with themselves. If they feel that they need to bully somebody else, they're probably bullying themselves even a hundredfold. Yeah, I mean, I definitely think that it, you know, growing up actually it was actually interesting as a kid. I never had was really ever bullied by my students like, you know, in third grade for example, but I mostly saw it was adults that were nervous about a kid. Disabilities. You know like I found that their mothers would like if the kid asked me what was wrong with me, you know, their mothers would be like, hush don't ask that you know and they be scared and nervous and stuff like that. And I think I really realized I was like, you know, it's not the kids where this gets instilled.

9:13 It's the grown-ups where, you know, these adults don't know how to interact with people with disabilities or ask questions because it's considered bullying or it's considered crossing a boundary and stuff like that and then it ends up getting stolen kids, you're exactly right. And I have a very similar situation in that my My son is disabled, he is nonverbal non-mobile and he lives on life support. He's on a ventilator with extra oxygen and when he was little, I remember bringing him to a park or to a playground and the kids would stare or they would come up and be like what's wrong with him and the parents would be mortified. The parents would be like you know, they didn't want the child to be rude and so they would quickly pull them away which led to all sorts of awkwardness but I would say you know it's okay come on you know because it's important for kids to interact And get it and understand it and figure it out.

10:02 And once you get past that fear of, oh, somebody's different and you understand, then that breaks down walls and those barriers and helps to let that love come through. So, as a result of this happening, time and time again, we decided to write some books about it. We decided to write kids books, which are called the adventures of super Captain Brave, man where it's this child, who's a protagonist in a wheelchair and he helps other kids to learn about different kinds of disabilities and This is a way for parents and Educators to bond with children and to help teach them these lessons, that are otherwise really difficult to do on your own and you can bed time, story time in the classroom, and it's just a really good way for kids to ask that, you know, safe questions about conditions and to know what to do and what to say and how to act afterwards.

10:49 Wow, that's amazing. I wish I had that book growing up because it would have helped in a lot of situations. I'll find you. Some, you can keep them for that come and visit. For sure. Now I know that on your social media, you've got some amazing videos where you're working out, you mention, you're doing it to get healthier, what does a workout with Timmy look like so over a cow with Timmy looks like definitely not organized or have any structure. It's just truly what I'm feeling. I'm capable of that day. I think, you know, we all have to give ourselves credit for a tough day, but I think as long as you got through the gym doors, you know, even got dressed and get ready to go to the gym. That's the first step.

11:35 So working out has actually been a New Journey for me. This year last year. I struggled a lot with my way and I got to a point where I was about 178 pounds and for a person with no legs and I'm missing right arm in a wheelchair, that's not good, you know, moving and breathing was just overall difficult. And when I was a kid, I could effortlessly, you know, do a lap with my hand just hopping around. And so that got really difficult. So I said, okay, you know, II got to figure out how I can get some movement, because being constrained in a wheelchair is, you know, you don't get the movement that a normal able-bodied person would normally get. So I started the gym workout and it normally, regular routine where I'm being absolutely.

12:18 Perfect is about 10 to 15 minutes on the treadmill and then I do some weights where I pull down and then work on my biceps and curls, and then I end with push-ups. Ups and doing my back. So I found that that has been a huge transformative Journey for me, as far as like, being able to move and finding that, not only does it help me physically, but mentally, it's helped me so much. It's become such a great distress herb. I've had a really hard day, I hop on that treadmill and I waddle away all my, you know, stress of the day. I listen to my playlist and I'm, we sat, yeah, I get those endorphins up, definitely. Wow. So, do you have any items that you use to help make working at any easier? Are more accessible.

13:01 Yeah. So I definitely do. I think it's, you know, as a disabled person well in general walking to a gym is super intimidating. You know, you see all this heavy equipment, you see these fit people, knowing what they're doing, you know, like what do I do? So when I first went into my gym, I was like, oh my gosh, I felt so overwhelmed. But I actually found that for me, it was a lot more adaptive than I thought and I park my wheelchair right up to my treadmill, top on it. And I put on a safety clip as far as like the weights and stuff sometimes Zile tie like a rope if it's too far up. I'll tie a rope to pull it down more and I have gotten some personal pieces as far as like weights that are a bit smaller and single-handed that I can use and as well as a crunch roller that you can use with one hand.

13:45 So it's really about I think just like figuring out what works for you and how you can adapt to that situation. I'm curious how accessibility has been for you through the Journey of your life. Have you noticed, anything improving as far as the way things are Signed or even places that you go the where they're a bit more accommodating these days versus before. Yeah I definitely have noticed, I think now with the regulations and everything, you know, new buildings and anything really has to be considered. So I think as far as that accommodations, it's been accessibility it's been really good. I think the more I visit older places and things that haven't had that structural change is very difficult.

14:26 I have found that you know I've had a lot of hindrances getting into buildings doing job hunt and stuff. Some offices were just not up to par with the structure for accessibility and unfortunately it's kind of a free pass because it was made before the Ada was impacted and stuff like that. So I think in that sense yes it's been difficult. But overall it's been pretty achievable. I wouldn't say it's been too much of a stress. I think there is every moment now and then where I kind of forget and then I realize I'm like, oh my gosh. I'm in a wheelchair and this is going to be difficult. Mmm. Now you also if you're very similar to me and that you actually do cleaning in order to help improve your mood, I find it really cathartic.

15:11 It's very rare that I have a cleaning person, comes to my house. I usually have done it all myself and even, you know, some of the things and fixing and maintenance that a lot of people would say just call somebody and like I'm going to do it, you know, but you actually posted some videos, you know, cleaning up your apartment after a bad day. Yes, I am. I would love to say I'm a naturally clean person, but I'm not, I make clutter, and I think when clutter gets too high, it adds to my stress. So it really helps to alleviate that stress, by doing a whole cleanse, I started doing the Sunday resets where I go through on a Sunday morning and just like reset my whole apartment. Anything that I need to do to get back into it, but I find that cleaning has be cut and it's actually funny because as a kid I hated cleaning my mom.

15:59 Tell me to like, you know, sweet, the my room or clean under the bed or anything I hated. And I would do anything to procrastinate. But now as an adult, I'm like, oh my God, this is so relaxing, which is weird to say but it depresses me and you went to college, I understand, right? Tell me about that. Yes, I went to first one to Community College and got my associates degree because I wasn't quite ready to leave the nest. And then after that, I started I transferred to To University of Connecticut. And that's when I started going to Uconn and it was an amazing school. I loved it. I just graduated into last December with my bachelor's in human development and family science.

16:40 Congratulations, that is huge. That is huge. Do you have any mottoes or any phrases quotes that you like to, you know, use during the day to keep you going? Yeah, absolutely I think one that I've always lived by, as I can and I will that has always been a personal motto for Me because I think as far as motivation and wanting to get stuff done and boils down to you and how much you want it. So I really find that one helps me a lot. I can I will. There's also word that my mom used a lot with me as a kid and she would call me Relentless and she didn't always use it in the best manner. She was like you are so relentless you know, because I would like, you know, be very hard-headed but I found that I have so much appreciation for that word.

17:26 Now she would tell me Relentless was my middle name because I never stopped. And I think now I look back at it and realized what my mom met as far as like, you know, to get to where you're going, you can't stop. You had to keep going and you have to put up that fight and be relentless. Mmm, do you feel comfortable telling us about your coming out story? Yeah, absolutely. I had a pretty ordinary coming out story. As far as from, you know, my peers and what I've heard, that identify I think mine was very natural occurring. I started in high school. Well, actually Middle. School was When I started to notice, but I was nowhere near approaching it because I had the kind of idea that, you know, is going to get married to a woman and do all that. And I also was scared, I think being disabled because I was like, oh my gosh like not only am I disabled but I'm gay too like you know, and I now I look at it, such a positive thing but back then that was scary, you know, gay marriage wasn't even approved by then you know.

18:22 So I was like my gosh, I have another hindrance in my life, so I was very nervous and I tried tonight. In it. And then I think the more I kind of comfortable with myself in high school sophomore year I came out to my best friend first, and once she had accepted me, I was thought a lot more happy. And then I came out to my mom. I remember, she had just finished up work and we had got in the car. And she asked what I wanted for dinner. I literally started bawling and I was like, crying. I was like, Mom. I think I'm gay and she just looked at me and it's so funny because she was like, I know, I was like and I feel like I've heard that before, but I was like, okay. She's like, I've known for a while and I've waited for you to feel comfortable and I think that you know, at first I was shocked.

19:09 I was like, what? Because, you know, she knew before me, I guess, but I think it was so heartwarming to, you know, realize that my mom knew and never pushed me in any direction or ask me. You know, she'd ask me about my girlfriend's, I made up in high school and all this stuff and, you know, she'd go along with it until I was comfortable. So I think that was such a blessing As far as my coming out story. So we sat down and talked for about the rest of the day, and it was one of my Fondest Memories with her. Oh my goodness. She sounds like an incredible woman, incredible indeed. So have you been dating? So dating has been a little tricky as a disabled person? And I think that is, when I would love to say my confidence is always high.

19:51 But in the dating world, it's not, I think it's very hard with day, especially the way we date. Now, it's all online. I feel like, I think Very hard. I just want all the fellas out there to hear this. Got a hot babe right here, that is an absolute bun-bun. He ready for you. He's waiting for you to just, you know, give him that swipe right? Or oh my gosh. You have me dying over here. It's I mean God. What's not to love here. Yeah, so dating has been difficult. I did go on a date last a couple. Four months ago and it was good.

20:31 I definitely got me out of my comfort zone. Just looking for different things though, unfortunately. So you know, I'm not putting any pressure on anything. I'm just seeing, what life takes me in, if someone joins my life and wants more of me, I'll serve it up. Absolutely. Well, you know, I had on as a guest not that long ago, Gabe, Adams meet Lee and boy that was a lot of fun hearing about how he and his boyfriend now, husband mad. And it's just, you know, it does happen. I mean, I haven't had very much luck myself, so I don't know if it has anything to do with anything other than the fact that, you know, sometimes you find somebody who's meant for you and, you know, however, long you know, good things come to those who wait, yes.

21:17 Absolutely. I as far as Gabe Adams, we actually just followed each other on media and he is amazing. I mean what a guy is so inspirational as far as just like, you know, and it's funny actually I just found myself using the word inspirational because I think as disabled people we often kind of you know feel weary of that word. As far as you know, we're just living. So he now is a trailblazer. I mean, just wow. As far as the dating scene, I think what I found out. Know about you but I found learning to be happy with myself. Has been my most important thing I think like before I'm ready for a relationship even. It's like the comfort of knowing that I'm content sitting in this room by myself with my dog and I'm happy I love that. You mentioned that because I have heard all too often people saying, well I want to date somebody or I want to meet somebody because I don't want to be alone and I think that that's kind of the wrong reason.

22:13 Why you should date somebody and why you should get involved with somebody what you said is exactly right. Loving yourself, first, being okay with yourself first, caring for yourself. First is where it's at and then attract whoever comes to you because that's when it's going to be the most significant and the best way forward. If you're looking for somebody to complete you or to compensate for everything that you're not, whoo, gets a little bit tricky that way. Yeah, it gets very tough. I think that the such an important mindset to have, I definitely have found that, you know, it's hard to be completely happy with Yourself. I have days where I wake up and you know sometimes we don't have good days but I think if you are comfortable in your own skin and, you know, being by yourself without having, someone fill that hole or void, that is the most important thing for yourself.

23:00 And then once you're there getting to that, our relationship will be so much easier because you're not looking to have a space filled, but you're looking to have someone Stand By Your Side. Yeah, speaking of self, love and self care. You are a dude who likes his skin care. Do yes. Yeah, I have like your, what is your rich? And well, what kind of products do you use? What do you like? Yeah, so that again, I, you know, this whole year has been as self transformative Journey. For me, I do not care about my skin at all before last year. So this year, I started in suffered through acne a lot and I started using a kind of different products, and I have a, this not sponsored by the way, but if you guys want to sponsor me, let me know now but I started using polish Choice, which is a really good facial cleanser and has a solicitor look acid component, that I really like perfect for my skin and then I use Pharmacy filling serum, which is really amazing.

24:00 I find that it really moisturizes my skin and gives me that full look. And for I have eyebags, I called my grocery bags under my eyes. They're not Designer. Unfortunately, I wish. Um, and for that, I use a standard brightening cream from Sephora. Then as far as I know, I think that's it. Yeah. And then, at night, I use it. I don't know if you've heard about Le Niche products, I really like that, easy water, gel mask that you can leave on overnight as well as a nice ERM great. Great products, you found for yourself and your skin is glowing. You absolutely look like you videos, you know, get it to a place where, you know, find it looking as healthy as it feels, which is wonderful.

24:42 Amazing, amazing. Yeah, now my last question for you, if you could wave a magic, Magic wand and change. One thing about the world. What would that be? Oh, that's tough. If I could do that, I think I would eliminate the stereotypes that we have so heavily infiltrated in our society and it whether it's about your physical appearance or anything, I find that every day. I see these stereotypes and how harmful it is, you know, not just to disabled people. But to anyone that suffers, that might not look, the ideal image and I think, you know, as far as like being beautiful and stuff like that, if We could just eliminate this idea of level that you have to live up to, you know, it would do so much good for society because I think that, at the end of the day, a lot of love generates from self-love and how can we get self-love when we have magazines and ads, and all, you know, just everything infiltrating Society telling us, you had to look like this.

25:38 You have to be this like in the gay community. For example, I find, you know, you asked about dating, it's a little hard because we, for a group of people that have been So, ferocious and demanding equality and have fought such a hard battle. We ourselves are really judgmental and have body standards, you know, and I find that if you're not a guy, if you're not as 6-foot masculine or a twink or whatever have you you know, the dating pool is very hard. It is so I definitely would do that. As far as like stereotypes, just the way we view everyone and you know, stuff like that. Yeah, yeah. I think. That's beautiful. Thank you so much for that.

26:19 I agree. I agree. If we could get rid of stereotypes judgment labels and just lived through a place of Love, wouldn't that be amazing? But what we're not perfect but work, you know, we can continue to improve and have more understanding have more compassion for our fellow human beings each and every day. Yeah, will be a better day than today? I can you continue on that path? I know. Yeah, I think it's so important to do that. Well Tim, thank you so much. I love seeing your dog. What's your dog? Cambridge name is Cambridge. I got. Oh, he's coming together. Yes, I got him last year and so he's such a good boy. Do you also have a cat? I do not have a cat now. Okay. For some reason that you also had a cat, but your dog is precious.

27:03 I do I have a cat statue, you maybe you've seen in my videos. I have a statue of a cat that my mom gave me. It's in my laundry room so that you may have seen that. Thank you so much. For being on the role model show today. It was such a delight to speak with you. Thank you so much. Jennifer