Episode 68: Nichole Hamilton - Activate Emotional Well-Being in Your Kid

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But when you work with a child
and you hold space for them,

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those interactions are literally
life changing for them.

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They go on to heal and grow and
be so much more evolved and

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regulated.
Because you know, someone's held

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space for them.
Yeah.

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Hello beautiful humans.
Welcome to today's show.

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So if you are listening today,
chances are you're an adult and

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chances are you've heard of life
coaches for adults like Tony

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Robbins or Jack Canfield, Louise
Hay or Jay Shetty.

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But what a lot of handson life
coach for kids.

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Now I'm not talking about your
standard office bound pediatric

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talk therapist.
I'm talking about a roll up your

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sleeves, energetic coach that
can actively work with your

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child to bring out his or her
greatest potential.

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I'd like to introduce you to the
kids coach, Nicole Hamilton.

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Nicole is a mom of three based
in Australia with a passion for

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helping our children heal.
She's a mentor and a coach to

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children between the ages of two
and 18, and she uses a variety

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of modalities in her work for
kids, parents and families.

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I'm so excited.
Welcome, Nicole.

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Oh, thank you so much, Jennifer.
Like that maybe tear up.

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It's a beautiful reflection.
Thank you.

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And yes, super excited to be
here.

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Oh, you know what?
What you're doing is so, so

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important.
I mean, it's no secret.

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It is really hard growing up as
a kid in the world today, right?

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Correct.
Yeah.

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I'd love for you to share your
own personal journey, your own

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story and how you got into all
of this.

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How did you get into coaching
kids?

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This is amazing.
Thank you for giving me space

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for this.
It has been a journey and I

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think that's why I'm so
passionate about helping our

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youth.
So when I just turned 30, I went

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through a bit of a crisis and
trauma and I personally was

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addicted to drugs.
And so I don't know what you

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call it in the US, but it's
called ice here.

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So methamphetamines.
And I had tried all the doctors

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and counselors and drug and
alcohol counseling and asked for

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help and psychologists.
And for me personally, nothing

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worked.
And by chances and obviously

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there is no chance that the
universe sent me this beautiful

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hypnotherapist and energetic
healer.

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And one session with him
completely changed my life.

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I felt internally this shift and
I could see my life completely

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changing.
And I had these two options of

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love and light and, you know,
being sober with my kids.

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I had two kids and then the
other side of darkness And

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basically if I kept doing what I
was doing, death.

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But there was such a pool that
my whole body shifted, I didn't

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want to take the drugs anymore
and Fast forward now, 12 years

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later, I didn't stop studying
after that.

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You know, it was like, wow,
these modalities help so much

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more.
And it's not really spoken

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about.
I mean, it is, I guess now, 12

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years later.
But back then, you didn't know

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what a hypnotherapist was or a
coach or breath work

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facilitator, an energetic
healer.

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And so along that journey, I've
been through divorce.

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I have a wife now.
I have three beautiful children.

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I have a neurodiverse son.
I've done a lot of healing

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around depression and trauma and
family therapies and split

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families.
And every time I learned

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something that helped my body in
my life, I was like, why are we

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not doing this for kids?
You know, there's a 7 year old

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who's lonely, who's being
bullied and doesn't want to be

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at school.
And parents, you know, they

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don't know what they don't know,
but they're not realizing that

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or holding space for those
emotions.

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And then you've got a 14 year
old who's you know severely

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depressed or anxious.
Why is there not a coach helping

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her breathe and talk about it.
And in Australia, here it's

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very, it's bit different.
We have massive wait list for

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our, you know, our medical and
our psychologist.

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So everything that I learned, I
kind of got a name here in South

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Australia that I would be the
holistic or the hypnotherapists

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that work with kids and
everything that I learned can be

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a game.
We can make that so fun for them

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to hold space for their
emotions.

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And I just believe if we start
working with the kids, our whole

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future will change.
If a kid can be evolved and have

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a deep connection with
themselves and feel safe within

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themselves to express themselves
and talk about their emotions,

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our whole world will change.
So yeah, I'm super passionate

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about using the skills that we
have and using them for our

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youth.
I think that's incredible,

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because if I think about the
evolution of childhood from back

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when I was a child, which was
eons ago, and the amount of

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parochialism that had been in
the school system or even in

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families that might have.
In in the US there had been,

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it's very puritanical kind of
basis to a lot of how a

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traditional upbringing would
take place.

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And to your point anything like
energy healing or hypnotherapy,

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I mean that wasn't even talked
about that was almost considered

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voodoo magic way back then.
It was like not really in in

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scope at all.
But yet as children are going

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through and there's some sort of
a pain, there's something

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missing, there's something that
they're not getting which causes

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them to lose their way and it
could end up.

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In behavior that no one can
understand.

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And then they're labeled as
either bad or they're punished.

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And so I think that what happens
is the schools and parents are

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not necessarily as equipped as
they could be for that child to

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really thrive.
There's more of a tendency to

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have neurodivergence or
emotional divergence and things

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like that.
So it does seem like it's more

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important to have different
kinds of options for parents and

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for schools.
To all right there's so much

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every child is different.
Every human being is different.

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But there are so many
similarities.

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You know we all feel lonely at
times.

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We all feel overwhelmed.
We all feel angry.

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And you know, knowing that if a
parent and as I'm a parent of

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three, we kept very overwhelmed
as well.

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You know sometimes it's just not
a bouquet for us to hold space

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for our own children.
You know having beautiful role

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models.
I call us, you know kids

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coaches.
But it could be a Big Brother,

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big sister, a mentor.
Having a support worker come

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into your home or you visit them
can make such a difference in

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the harmony and the love and the
connection in your home.

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And that's all what human beings
want.

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They want to be connected.
And when we're overwhelmed, and

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if the kids overwhelmed and the
parents overwhelmed, you've got

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that polar opposites.
And so the family's in disarray

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and coming in, and it could just
be as simple as making a

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beautiful coffee for your mom.
And so you doing a really good

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job, you're looking after your
kids, bringing her, filling her

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cup up.
That's a part of it too.

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It's not just this there,
there's so many different realms

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to it.
So for me, it's just looking at

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that niche that's lacking in
society to help come back to

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community.
It takes a tribe or a community

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to raise a family and sometimes
that is not blood related.

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So if you imagine that you could
just pick up the phone and say,

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hey, I need a big sister, Big
Brother, I need a mentor or come

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and help me with my kids for the
single moms or single dads or

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people just in struggle, how
cool would that be you know, if

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that was just a thing, you know?
And part of what we believe here

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at the Human Beauty Movement is
that this is not a blame or

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shame sort of a thing.
There is real valid reason why.

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Parents get overwhelmed.
Why?

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We feel at times that we just
can't handle another thing and

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everybody goes through it.
That doesn't mean that you're a

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bad parent.
It doesn't mean anything of the

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sort.
It means that it is legitimate

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and everybody could use some
support every once in a while.

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Everybody needs some respite.
Everybody needs to be able to

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just have a little bit of a safe
zone where they can be like, you

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know what, I need a timeout.
I need to go and take a bath.

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I need to just decompress in
some.

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Way, especially if you're
working, especially if you've

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got multiple kids, especially if
there's a relationship situation

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which is tenuous.
And so many of us have that as

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well.
And so yeah, there's nothing to

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blame, there's nothing to shame
and nothing about your child or

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anything like that is to be
blamed or shamed or anything

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like that.
Because there are a lot of times

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when there is like maybe an
outburst or a lashing out.

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There's something underneath,
isn't there?

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There's some sort of a pain or
some sort of need that might not

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be feeling met, and sometimes
it's.

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So hard to articulate when
you're young.

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And sometimes it's not so easy
to have open communication with

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the parent because there might
be a little bit of embarrassment

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or I don't know how to talk to
my parent like I talk to my

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friends or this and that and the
other.

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And so having somebody else just
kind of come in and be that safe

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place, that safe person, that
buddy, that mentor, that coach

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is a really good idea.
Again, it doesn't mean that

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you're a failure as a parent.
If you need extra help at all.

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It's actually like, wow, do it
for you.

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Do it for your family.
And see something to try.

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It's a resource that's available
to you, perhaps, and something

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that could help.
And maybe what you can do,

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Nicole, is explain like what are
some of the ways that you come

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in and help different families,
different kids and in their

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situations.
The first thing that I do and I

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and I've got 73 kids coaches
here in Australia, right across

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Australia and we do, do zooms,
but the first thing we do can

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the only thing that's the same
is we connect and we empower,

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play and grow.
So connect with a child.

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And that could be, as I said,
from 2:00.

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And I have worked with two year
olds and that's getting on the

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floor, having your games out.
And when a child comes to you,

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you know that you've got that
connection because they're not

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paying for the session.
They're not invested.

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You have to get there.
Yes.

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If I have an older child who's,
you know, seven or above and let

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them interview me and we let
them pick you.

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And so that empowers the child
to then really have that buddy,

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mental coach.
And so I say to them, you know,

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I would not be sad.
If you don't pick me, I will

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find you somebody better because
you might want a male or you

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might want somebody different.
And I tell them all about myself

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because as a coach you can be a
real role model.

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Obviously with parents
blessings, I can talk about

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different things for different
age groups.

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You know, the teenagers might
want to know about depression or

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bullying, that they all pick me
because I've actually given them

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a choice.
We can always give our kids

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choices and in our homes, but
giving them that, that's that

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empowerment part.
And then depending on what that

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family needs, there's so many
different realms.

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So I'm a clinical
hypnotherapist.

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I can work on trauma, so going
back through emotions, but every

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single children's coach has got
different qualifications under

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their skill set.
I've got people that are Yogi's

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or support workers or teachers
that aren't going back to the

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education department that go
into homes and help with all

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sorts of things, programming and
education and literacy.

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So every single kids coach has a
different kind of passion and

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skill set, but you can work on
anything.

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So it could be, you know,
emotions and anger and anxiety

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or just talking about things.
It could be OCD.

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It could be.
I've got an ADHD kid that needs

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to have more time with male role
models, and they take him out

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and play with them and sports
and run.

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So yeah, there's kind of like
the Sky's the limit.

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That's why we have that
interview process.

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But there's always something
that a child needs.

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And underneath that, I teach the
skill sets where we just talk

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about where we feel it in that
body.

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You know, if we have
nervousness, right?

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Where does that come from?
If we're having a thought that's

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a challenging thought or a
thought that's uncomfortable,

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where does it come from?
And always allowing children to

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feel it in their bodies because
it's something that we do as

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adults is normally just brush it
off.

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I can't deal with that later or
I'll worry about that later.

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I'll cry later.
So coming back to emotion and

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allowing them to just be because
that allows like you touched on

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before, there's always something
behind a big behavior and

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00:10:57,650 --> 00:10:59,570
outburst.
They're not naughty or good and

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we need to express ourselves and
unpack that all before.

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And if we do that, that becomes
a part of the emotional

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regulation.
So there's not really a one stop

238
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shop when it comes to it.
But just really being that

239
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beautiful mentor for children
and families and holding space

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is is the beginning part of it.
And like I said, nobody's a

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00:11:17,690 --> 00:11:19,010
failure.
We don't know what we don't

242
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know.
We all get overwhelmed at

243
00:11:20,570 --> 00:11:22,850
different times.
There's absolutely no judgment.

244
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Have I yelled at my kids when
I'm overwhelmed and busy?

245
00:11:25,370 --> 00:11:28,050
Yeah, absolutely.
You know, do I unpack it with

246
00:11:28,050 --> 00:11:32,010
them later on and apologize and
say, hey, I wasn't my best self?

247
00:11:32,050 --> 00:11:33,970
Yeah, I do.
Some families don't even know

248
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that.
That's a huge modality.

249
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Let's unpack.
When we don't behave.

250
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Let's be a role model for, like,
for our children and apologize

251
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and talk it through.
So some of the skill sets are

252
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very simple and some can be very
deep.

253
00:11:45,810 --> 00:11:48,850
Yeah, and certainly there are
different methods of parenting,

254
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and I'm sure that there's
millions and millions of.

255
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Authors and books and experts on
parenting and raising children

256
00:11:55,090 --> 00:11:57,170
and all of that.
There's all sorts of advice, but

257
00:11:57,170 --> 00:12:00,810
you just never know what is
quite right for your situation

258
00:12:00,810 --> 00:12:04,850
until you really are able to
have clarity around the

259
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communication and what is
motivating you.

260
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How are you feeling?
And then what is your child

261
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going through and how can there
be this closeness and this

262
00:12:13,530 --> 00:12:17,530
overarching sense of love?
In some cases, I know in my own

263
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upbringing, there was more of a
sense of I'm the mom or I am

264
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the.
Authority.

265
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You are the child.
You listen to me and you do as

266
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you're told, be seen and not
heard.

267
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And that was a way of being
brought up, which had its

268
00:12:30,330 --> 00:12:34,530
consequences, certainly.
But truly, I think that in a lot

269
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of cases there are trends and
styles of parenting.

270
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And now I think it's kind of
come to the place where we're

271
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realizing being more open and
having more empathy and

272
00:12:45,210 --> 00:12:48,850
communication Where there is
this kind of equivalency is not

273
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a bad thing.
Certainly there is a level of

274
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authority.
That needs to be instilled in a

275
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family and in a household, but
in a situation where there's

276
00:12:56,170 --> 00:13:00,130
schooling, there's a semblance
that this structure and the the

277
00:13:00,130 --> 00:13:03,610
way that kids are taught in
school may be a bit outdated.

278
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And I think that's that's
something that you also have

279
00:13:06,050 --> 00:13:07,730
brought to light in your work
too.

280
00:13:07,730 --> 00:13:11,010
They just aren't really as
equipped as perhaps they could

281
00:13:11,010 --> 00:13:15,170
be or as nimble because there
are so many different needs now

282
00:13:15,210 --> 00:13:18,210
and it's not as cookie cutter as
we thought that it was once

283
00:13:18,210 --> 00:13:20,290
before in education.
Yeah, correct.

284
00:13:20,290 --> 00:13:22,250
Well, I mean our parents are
differently now.

285
00:13:22,250 --> 00:13:25,450
I mean I've got a 16 year old, a
13 year old, he's neurodiverse

286
00:13:25,450 --> 00:13:27,770
and then my 2 year old and I
didn't know what, I didn't know

287
00:13:27,770 --> 00:13:29,970
I was brought up similar to you
like my parents were the

288
00:13:29,970 --> 00:13:32,650
authority do as you're told,
that type of thing.

289
00:13:32,650 --> 00:13:35,730
And because of that, when I go
back and I look at my childhood,

290
00:13:35,770 --> 00:13:39,250
I shut down my emotions.
And that's why in my 30s when I

291
00:13:39,250 --> 00:13:42,250
went looking, I was like wow,
this stems back to here.

292
00:13:42,250 --> 00:13:44,730
And it wasn't that my parents
were bad parents, it's just they

293
00:13:44,730 --> 00:13:46,570
were bringing you up as they
were brought up.

294
00:13:46,810 --> 00:13:49,490
And so through this self
development and learning all

295
00:13:49,490 --> 00:13:52,570
these new strategies and the way
to speak in different kind

296
00:13:52,570 --> 00:13:55,010
language and open-ended, you
don't need that.

297
00:13:55,010 --> 00:13:57,170
Like you said, it's a more of an
equal partnership.

298
00:13:57,250 --> 00:13:59,610
You still have boundaries as
parents, you still guide them,

299
00:13:59,850 --> 00:14:03,090
but treat them as little humans.
They have just the same amount

300
00:14:03,090 --> 00:14:06,050
once they turn 7, the same
amount of thoughts that we do,

301
00:14:06,050 --> 00:14:07,690
they have the conscious
thoughts, they're having the

302
00:14:07,690 --> 00:14:11,570
emotions and they feel unsafe if
we as the adults shun them away.

303
00:14:11,570 --> 00:14:12,970
Off you go, it's not your
business.

304
00:14:13,050 --> 00:14:15,130
Don't worry about it.
That type of thing that gives

305
00:14:15,130 --> 00:14:17,890
them inside a feeling of
unsafety.

306
00:14:17,890 --> 00:14:20,530
And so if we unpack with them
and to speak to them like little

307
00:14:20,530 --> 00:14:22,330
humans like, hey, this is adult
conversation.

308
00:14:22,330 --> 00:14:25,170
But I'll let you know that the
stuff that's going on that makes

309
00:14:25,170 --> 00:14:28,530
a totally different harmony
within in the home teachers as

310
00:14:28,530 --> 00:14:31,690
school system is very outdated.
They're either labeled good or

311
00:14:31,690 --> 00:14:34,370
naughty kind of thing and they
might not use that particular

312
00:14:34,370 --> 00:14:37,570
language, but they big behaviors
at school, there's a lot of

313
00:14:37,570 --> 00:14:40,370
consequences.
And then that again makes them

314
00:14:40,370 --> 00:14:44,090
feel shame and guilty rather
than unpacking and providing the

315
00:14:44,090 --> 00:14:47,890
support that needs to be done of
OK, your mindset works

316
00:14:47,890 --> 00:14:49,770
differently.
You need to be very active in

317
00:14:49,770 --> 00:14:51,410
your learning.
How can we support that?

318
00:14:51,690 --> 00:14:55,370
And then because of this
behavior within society, within

319
00:14:55,370 --> 00:14:58,210
parenting and within schooling,
it can get quite isolating.

320
00:14:58,210 --> 00:15:01,370
If you have a child that doesn't
even need to have a diagnosis,

321
00:15:01,370 --> 00:15:04,290
but if you have a child that has
big emotions and big behaviors,

322
00:15:04,330 --> 00:15:07,170
a lot of the time you're told as
a parent, off you go, you need

323
00:15:07,170 --> 00:15:08,290
this out.
This is your child.

324
00:15:08,290 --> 00:15:11,050
This is your child's behavior.
So then you feel guilty as a

325
00:15:11,050 --> 00:15:14,730
parent that your child's not
behaving in the right ways and

326
00:15:14,810 --> 00:15:16,810
you have to kind of suss that
out yourself.

327
00:15:16,810 --> 00:15:20,090
So for me, it's being super
vulnerable, sharing everything

328
00:15:20,090 --> 00:15:21,370
that I've learned and that I
know.

329
00:15:21,490 --> 00:15:23,650
I'm not saying that I'm the best
parent ever, no way.

330
00:15:23,650 --> 00:15:26,650
But if I could share some tips
and tricks that can help another

331
00:15:26,650 --> 00:15:30,490
parent feel connected and better
equipped, that's really where

332
00:15:30,490 --> 00:15:32,530
it's at.
And there is massive culture

333
00:15:32,530 --> 00:15:35,010
shift here in Australia.
There's so many children that

334
00:15:35,010 --> 00:15:36,410
don't want to go to school
anymore.

335
00:15:36,450 --> 00:15:38,090
They just don't want to be
there.

336
00:15:38,370 --> 00:15:40,770
And that's huge.
Like how do we battle that?

337
00:15:40,770 --> 00:15:43,970
You know, they still need to be
educated, but that that's a huge

338
00:15:44,010 --> 00:15:46,050
red flag.
Kids don't want to be there,

339
00:15:46,050 --> 00:15:47,650
that they're not feeling safe
there.

340
00:15:47,650 --> 00:15:49,970
They're not becoming their best
selves because of the the

341
00:15:49,970 --> 00:15:52,970
culture or the teaching or the
other students that are around.

342
00:15:53,250 --> 00:15:56,890
So even more so, parents need
another space, another safe

343
00:15:56,890 --> 00:15:59,650
space to bring their children
and bring themselves so that we

344
00:15:59,650 --> 00:16:03,210
can grow and thrive together.
Yeah, that is such a hard thing

345
00:16:03,210 --> 00:16:05,770
to contend with.
And how can you blame children

346
00:16:05,770 --> 00:16:09,530
when it seems like when they go
onto social media, the whole

347
00:16:09,530 --> 00:16:12,290
rise of the influencer gives
them this impression of money

348
00:16:12,290 --> 00:16:15,210
for nothing, like and where you
can just Google anything.

349
00:16:15,210 --> 00:16:17,890
It's like, why do I need an
education when I can just Google

350
00:16:17,890 --> 00:16:20,650
anything and I can just learn
anything on YouTube, which

351
00:16:20,650 --> 00:16:23,290
they've got a point.
We're kind of creating this

352
00:16:23,290 --> 00:16:27,610
situation where there are more
and more disincentives to just

353
00:16:27,610 --> 00:16:29,850
go through regular school, let
alone college.

354
00:16:29,850 --> 00:16:32,570
There are so many people that
don't even think that college is

355
00:16:32,570 --> 00:16:36,410
the kind of value that it once
was, you know, college degree or

356
00:16:36,410 --> 00:16:39,690
even going on to a higher
education in terms of like

357
00:16:39,690 --> 00:16:42,130
getting Mba's and Masters of
Fine Arts.

358
00:16:42,130 --> 00:16:45,130
It's like it doesn't even seem
like it would be as good of an

359
00:16:45,130 --> 00:16:47,970
ROI anymore.
They find themselves comparing

360
00:16:47,970 --> 00:16:51,250
themselves an awful lot to what
they're seeing, you know, on

361
00:16:51,250 --> 00:16:53,610
their.
Phones and to the other kids

362
00:16:53,610 --> 00:16:56,410
that are around them.
And yeah, it's really, really

363
00:16:56,410 --> 00:16:58,370
tough for them.
But I know a lot of people say,

364
00:16:58,530 --> 00:17:00,850
oh, I would never want to be a
child At this point.

365
00:17:01,930 --> 00:17:04,849
They really are missing out on
the simplicity that we had

366
00:17:04,849 --> 00:17:07,089
growing up.
We didn't have mobile phones and

367
00:17:07,130 --> 00:17:09,849
we didn't have so much social
media and so we had downtime.

368
00:17:09,849 --> 00:17:11,730
So they're already coming into a
society.

369
00:17:11,730 --> 00:17:14,450
I mean, let alone if you believe
in energetics and the spiritual

370
00:17:14,450 --> 00:17:17,130
side of things.
We are overwhelmed genuinely as

371
00:17:17,130 --> 00:17:20,329
a population now because we are
also constantly stimulated.

372
00:17:20,410 --> 00:17:23,690
So they're being went into that
modeling and watching us.

373
00:17:23,770 --> 00:17:27,290
They've got it from babies, the
iPads and zoning out and TV so

374
00:17:27,290 --> 00:17:30,650
much more whereas we were making
our own fun and out, you know

375
00:17:30,650 --> 00:17:33,890
out playing and outdoors and
having a break for our nervous

376
00:17:33,890 --> 00:17:36,170
system.
And so it's, yeah, coming into

377
00:17:36,170 --> 00:17:38,010
this world is completely
different.

378
00:17:38,010 --> 00:17:41,570
And that's why education and
parenting styles need to change,

379
00:17:41,810 --> 00:17:45,330
because it we're not the same as
we were, you know, 20 years ago.

380
00:17:45,370 --> 00:17:48,090
For sure, For sure.
I want to talk a moment about

381
00:17:48,090 --> 00:17:51,330
addiction, because certainly
you've had experience with it.

382
00:17:51,490 --> 00:17:54,970
And I congratulate you for being
able to rise out of it.

383
00:17:55,010 --> 00:17:58,370
That is not easy by any stretch
of the imagination.

384
00:17:58,450 --> 00:18:01,650
And so I know that probably
worldwide, but in the United

385
00:18:01,650 --> 00:18:04,690
States it's pretty rampant.
Is it escapism?

386
00:18:04,690 --> 00:18:07,930
Is it just this feeling that
they need to like get away from

387
00:18:07,930 --> 00:18:12,610
what's going on inside them and
are looking for substances to

388
00:18:12,610 --> 00:18:16,410
give them a different kind of
feeling or something that helps

389
00:18:16,410 --> 00:18:19,450
to like lift them out of the
mundanity of the day-to-day?

390
00:18:19,490 --> 00:18:21,410
I'm just curious what you think
are some.

391
00:18:21,490 --> 00:18:26,330
The key causes behind getting
into substances and then

392
00:18:26,330 --> 00:18:29,770
becoming addicted to the
stronger ones for which

393
00:18:29,850 --> 00:18:33,410
unfortunately a lot of them are
super dangerous nowadays, 100

394
00:18:33,410 --> 00:18:37,370
percent, 100% I guess for me the
point of starting taking drugs

395
00:18:37,370 --> 00:18:40,250
was connection.
When I grew up it was a way of

396
00:18:40,250 --> 00:18:43,610
like we would take party drugs
and go night clubbing and

397
00:18:43,610 --> 00:18:46,170
connection and hang around
people and stay up for days.

398
00:18:46,570 --> 00:18:48,850
That rite of passage.
And in Australia it's 18, you

399
00:18:48,850 --> 00:18:51,330
start drinking you guys.
In the US it's 21.

400
00:18:51,530 --> 00:18:54,250
But there's a real like
camaraderie about being in.

401
00:18:54,250 --> 00:18:56,330
And for me, I guess it comes
back to that connection.

402
00:18:56,330 --> 00:18:59,010
People want to feel connected.
So whether it's drinking alcohol

403
00:18:59,010 --> 00:19:02,570
or taking drugs, they kind of do
it in their late teens to 20s to

404
00:19:02,570 --> 00:19:05,010
really feel apart for away from
their home.

405
00:19:05,290 --> 00:19:08,010
Addiction can start in any way.
It can start from painkillers,

406
00:19:08,010 --> 00:19:09,850
it can start from taking party
drugs.

407
00:19:09,850 --> 00:19:12,050
It can start from so many
different places, from drinking

408
00:19:12,050 --> 00:19:14,690
alcohol, from smoking weed, I
don't know cigarettes.

409
00:19:14,690 --> 00:19:17,370
It can start in many ways, from
addiction to eating even.

410
00:19:17,370 --> 00:19:20,650
But what happens is, yes, it's a
suppression of emotions.

411
00:19:20,850 --> 00:19:24,850
I was so unhappy in my previous
marriage and I didn't realize

412
00:19:24,850 --> 00:19:27,370
it.
And for me, the addiction really

413
00:19:27,370 --> 00:19:31,090
just kept my emotions numb.
And so I was like a functioning

414
00:19:31,090 --> 00:19:32,930
addict.
I did it behind closed doors.

415
00:19:32,930 --> 00:19:36,450
Nobody knew that I was doing it.
I could go to work on it, but it

416
00:19:36,450 --> 00:19:39,090
got really, really bad where I
was doing it every day and I was

417
00:19:39,090 --> 00:19:42,210
literally losing my mind.
Addiction becomes a different

418
00:19:42,210 --> 00:19:45,730
biochemistry in your brain, and
you can't survive without it.

419
00:19:45,730 --> 00:19:48,290
It's the need another one.
I need some more, I need another

420
00:19:48,290 --> 00:19:50,570
drink, I need another thing.
And you can get into it in

421
00:19:50,570 --> 00:19:54,650
multiple facets, but for really
it is a coping mechanism because

422
00:19:54,650 --> 00:19:57,330
of whatever you've been through
and it could be trauma or just

423
00:19:57,330 --> 00:20:00,890
unhappiness or the underlying
cause is probably quite similar

424
00:20:00,890 --> 00:20:03,730
for a lot of people is they just
don't know who they are and they

425
00:20:03,730 --> 00:20:05,130
need to work on their own
happiness.

426
00:20:05,130 --> 00:20:07,330
Once you start working and
that's what I found with the

427
00:20:07,330 --> 00:20:10,530
hypnotherapy and energetic work
is it opened up a whole nother

428
00:20:10,530 --> 00:20:12,330
world.
We actually have all the answers

429
00:20:12,330 --> 00:20:14,950
we need with inside of us.
You just need a guide.

430
00:20:14,950 --> 00:20:17,630
And so, you know, for me it's,
you know, talking to any addict

431
00:20:17,630 --> 00:20:20,550
is like if the drug and alcohol
counseling hasn't worked for you

432
00:20:20,830 --> 00:20:25,070
or doctors or medications keep
asking for help because for me,

433
00:20:25,070 --> 00:20:27,910
I always knew I wanted to get
sober and that is a choice.

434
00:20:27,910 --> 00:20:29,750
And so if there are other
addicts out there and other

435
00:20:29,750 --> 00:20:32,030
families listening to this that
are, you know, supporting

436
00:20:32,030 --> 00:20:35,150
addicts, you can't help that
person until they want to get

437
00:20:35,150 --> 00:20:36,390
sober.
That's the first thing.

438
00:20:36,430 --> 00:20:39,470
So when they do asking and
continually asking until you

439
00:20:39,470 --> 00:20:43,150
find that right person to help
you through that, me, the

440
00:20:43,190 --> 00:20:46,470
unconscious therapies work so
much more because we're tapping

441
00:20:46,470 --> 00:20:49,990
into the body, not the mind.
When I went to conscious

442
00:20:49,990 --> 00:20:53,030
counseling like doctors and
psychologists, it didn't work.

443
00:20:53,030 --> 00:20:55,630
I could stay sober for a little
bit and then I'd go back.

444
00:20:55,630 --> 00:20:59,310
So working on the unconscious
modalities really helped me as

445
00:20:59,310 --> 00:21:02,350
that gave me that click of like,
Oh my God, I know why I'm doing

446
00:21:02,350 --> 00:21:03,910
this.
And I can really come home into

447
00:21:03,910 --> 00:21:07,070
my body and start feeding at
what it actually wanted, not the

448
00:21:07,070 --> 00:21:09,150
drugs.
And it wanted that love and

449
00:21:09,150 --> 00:21:12,110
connection and connection to
what was going on underneath.

450
00:21:12,190 --> 00:21:14,390
Yeah.
And through multiple coaches and

451
00:21:14,390 --> 00:21:17,150
coaches and therapists, I've
really you know continued to

452
00:21:17,150 --> 00:21:20,030
work on that self saboteur
that's underneath and she's

453
00:21:20,030 --> 00:21:21,150
beautiful.
It doesn't matter.

454
00:21:21,350 --> 00:21:24,350
I used to shun her and try and
keep her away but that darkness

455
00:21:24,350 --> 00:21:27,550
brings us to the light you know
and so really nurturing that

456
00:21:27,550 --> 00:21:29,790
part of me.
She's actually super strong.

457
00:21:29,790 --> 00:21:31,470
She's vicious.
She's a fighter.

458
00:21:31,470 --> 00:21:35,470
So you know understanding that.
So addiction is far more than a

459
00:21:35,470 --> 00:21:39,910
disease or books tell us.
But I highly recommend anybody

460
00:21:39,910 --> 00:21:42,470
who is an addict and working
with somebody else who also has

461
00:21:42,470 --> 00:21:44,750
been through it.
So that my best counselors and

462
00:21:44,750 --> 00:21:47,230
whatever also were people that
had gone through it and

463
00:21:47,230 --> 00:21:50,030
understand that mindset.
And I know that in the US and I

464
00:21:50,030 --> 00:21:53,230
wish it was bigger here, but the
AA meetings and everything like

465
00:21:53,230 --> 00:21:55,230
that is obviously amazing.
Right.

466
00:21:55,310 --> 00:21:58,790
Yeah.
So I'm curious when you are

467
00:21:58,910 --> 00:22:03,830
giving advice to parents or to
anybody who is thinking, I'm not

468
00:22:03,830 --> 00:22:08,670
sure if I need to bring a coach
into the mix or maybe the child

469
00:22:08,670 --> 00:22:11,790
is like feeling a little bit
wary about the whole idea.

470
00:22:11,870 --> 00:22:16,230
Like what are some?
Of the cures, what are some of

471
00:22:16,230 --> 00:22:19,590
the things that you might notice
in your child to say, I think

472
00:22:19,590 --> 00:22:22,350
that this might be a really good
idea for us.

473
00:22:22,390 --> 00:22:25,670
Like, where do you think it, it
really kind of stems from that

474
00:22:25,670 --> 00:22:29,710
would get, I think a family or a
child or parent more interested

475
00:22:29,710 --> 00:22:32,430
in considering having a coach
come in.

476
00:22:32,510 --> 00:22:35,710
Yeah, beautiful question.
I think that if you're noticing

477
00:22:35,710 --> 00:22:38,470
that your child, especially in
the teenagers is really shut

478
00:22:38,470 --> 00:22:40,430
down and they're not talking
about things.

479
00:22:40,550 --> 00:22:43,670
If they're really disengaged
playing a lot of gaming and

480
00:22:43,670 --> 00:22:46,790
that's the only source of
connection like that probably is

481
00:22:46,790 --> 00:22:49,710
a flag or a curiosity.
And then that might be you want

482
00:22:49,710 --> 00:22:52,230
to coach to take them out, you
know, get them out the house

483
00:22:52,230 --> 00:22:54,710
play because they can use talk
therapy while they're doing

484
00:22:54,710 --> 00:22:57,270
other things.
If your child is having

485
00:22:57,350 --> 00:23:00,550
overwhelm and meltdowns and big
behaviors and you just don't

486
00:23:00,550 --> 00:23:03,030
know how to support that and
that's a common theme that's

487
00:23:03,030 --> 00:23:06,270
coming up if you have lack of
communication.

488
00:23:06,270 --> 00:23:09,190
So I do a lot of mother and
daughter things where the bond

489
00:23:09,190 --> 00:23:11,990
is kind of broken and there's
not a beautiful communication.

490
00:23:11,990 --> 00:23:14,550
But between or harmony and that
can be with any child.

491
00:23:14,590 --> 00:23:18,390
So multiple reasons or if your
child is talking about emotions

492
00:23:18,390 --> 00:23:21,190
that they're bringing to you
like I, you know I am depressed,

493
00:23:21,190 --> 00:23:23,990
I am anxious or self harm.
There's so there's so many

494
00:23:23,990 --> 00:23:27,230
reasons to look at why your
child might need that external

495
00:23:27,350 --> 00:23:30,790
support and just asking as well.
So some of these I don't know

496
00:23:30,870 --> 00:23:33,470
what's going on in the US but
I've had a lot of conversations

497
00:23:33,470 --> 00:23:35,910
in the last couple of weeks
which is super sad but there's a

498
00:23:35,910 --> 00:23:38,590
really big thing of youth
suicide here in Australia.

499
00:23:38,590 --> 00:23:41,710
So asking having communication
how are you going, what's going

500
00:23:41,710 --> 00:23:44,230
on in your world.
Because as we grow up we pull

501
00:23:44,230 --> 00:23:46,070
away from our parents.
We don't really tell them what's

502
00:23:46,070 --> 00:23:48,390
going on at school or online and
the rest.

503
00:23:48,590 --> 00:23:52,270
So that checking in and as a
parent you can always get a

504
00:23:52,270 --> 00:23:55,670
coach for yourself and it shows
that your children that we

505
00:23:55,670 --> 00:23:58,430
always don't know what all the
answers and it's actually OK to

506
00:23:58,430 --> 00:23:59,910
ask for help.
So setting that kind of

507
00:23:59,910 --> 00:24:02,590
intention #1.
If as a parent you're thinking I

508
00:24:02,590 --> 00:24:05,710
need some help chances are your
children need some help.

509
00:24:06,550 --> 00:24:08,030
Yeah.
Looking at all of these things

510
00:24:08,070 --> 00:24:10,430
just asking those questions.
You know, getting online, you

511
00:24:10,430 --> 00:24:13,430
know, having a free consult with
somebody, if it's not right for

512
00:24:13,430 --> 00:24:16,430
you, that's 100% OK too.
But, you know, if you're curious

513
00:24:16,430 --> 00:24:19,070
about it, if you're like, wow.
And the other thing is as well,

514
00:24:19,150 --> 00:24:21,670
my wife and I, we always have
relationship counseling.

515
00:24:21,750 --> 00:24:25,550
Not when it's bad all the time
because it's like constant work.

516
00:24:26,070 --> 00:24:28,230
Yeah.
It's a constant work of that's

517
00:24:28,230 --> 00:24:31,630
time that we get to really
prioritize a relationship.

518
00:24:31,630 --> 00:24:34,510
And just because there might not
be any disarray means we can

519
00:24:34,510 --> 00:24:37,990
unpack some beautiful things.
So I guess what I'm saying is

520
00:24:37,990 --> 00:24:40,510
there's always a right time for
a coach, doesn't always have to

521
00:24:40,510 --> 00:24:42,440
be when there's things that are
going wrong.

522
00:24:42,440 --> 00:24:45,040
It could be like I just want to.
Do better, Yeah.

523
00:24:45,040 --> 00:24:47,440
I think here in the United
States, the first knee jerk

524
00:24:47,440 --> 00:24:50,480
reaction that people will say is
like, oh, you need to see a

525
00:24:50,480 --> 00:24:53,560
therapist Or, you know, take
that child to a therapist and

526
00:24:53,600 --> 00:24:56,440
the traditional therapist is in
an office.

527
00:24:56,440 --> 00:25:00,800
They might sit the person down
and it might be just, what's

528
00:25:00,800 --> 00:25:03,080
that?
Yeah, I like lay down on the

529
00:25:03,120 --> 00:25:05,040
couch or, you know, the
psychotherapist.

530
00:25:05,040 --> 00:25:08,680
So it seems like your modalities
are quite a lot different that

531
00:25:08,680 --> 00:25:11,280
you even get out into
playgrounds and start playing

532
00:25:11,280 --> 00:25:12,680
games.
Games and things like that.

533
00:25:12,680 --> 00:25:15,560
And so, you know, turning things
into games makes it a little bit

534
00:25:15,560 --> 00:25:18,520
more entertaining and
invigorating for a child, right,

535
00:25:18,720 --> 00:25:21,360
100%.
So it's, yeah, I believe any

536
00:25:21,360 --> 00:25:23,480
session can be a learning
moment.

537
00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:25,440
So that's where the the play and
grow comes in.

538
00:25:25,520 --> 00:25:27,600
You don't have to get them to
sit down on a couch and just

539
00:25:27,600 --> 00:25:30,480
talk about their feelings.
So we can go to a a playground

540
00:25:30,480 --> 00:25:33,640
and do some primal screams or
some shaking or some running and

541
00:25:33,640 --> 00:25:36,000
get those emotions up and moving
through.

542
00:25:36,080 --> 00:25:40,000
We can make slime or play DoH or
do some beautiful art therapy.

543
00:25:40,080 --> 00:25:42,920
There's so many different ways
that you can really help your

544
00:25:42,920 --> 00:25:44,480
children.
It doesn't have to look like

545
00:25:44,480 --> 00:25:48,040
therapy, but it is therapy.
We can draw chalk outside and we

546
00:25:48,040 --> 00:25:51,000
can do a circle of let's jump
into our happy emotions and

547
00:25:51,000 --> 00:25:53,240
let's jump into our not so
comfortable ones.

548
00:25:53,240 --> 00:25:55,160
You know, maybe anger and like,
what's the difference?

549
00:25:55,240 --> 00:25:56,720
Everything can be done, you
know.

550
00:25:56,720 --> 00:25:59,680
Everything that I've learned as
an adult in as a coach can be

551
00:25:59,680 --> 00:26:03,240
made for a game for kids and
supporting them and teaching

552
00:26:03,240 --> 00:26:06,320
them that we actually can ask
for help in regard to what's

553
00:26:06,320 --> 00:26:09,040
going on in here.
Our dialogue and our emotions

554
00:26:09,410 --> 00:26:11,970
is, for me, the key.
You know it, just making that

555
00:26:11,970 --> 00:26:13,290
the norm.
Nice.

556
00:26:13,290 --> 00:26:16,090
Now, I'm sure that you have a
lot of emotional or

557
00:26:16,090 --> 00:26:18,810
inspirational, heartwarming
stories from your personal

558
00:26:18,810 --> 00:26:21,530
experiences with different
children and families.

559
00:26:21,530 --> 00:26:24,370
Are there any examples that you
can share that have just been

560
00:26:24,370 --> 00:26:27,450
like a real joy and an attribute
of success?

561
00:26:27,610 --> 00:26:31,570
Yeah, so I remember one time,
and this wasn't even a child,

562
00:26:31,570 --> 00:26:33,770
that was my therapy.
I was working in education as a

563
00:26:33,770 --> 00:26:37,890
support worker and this boy was
a 1314 year old boy and whose

564
00:26:37,890 --> 00:26:40,770
big behavior is big emotion.
Walk across the desk, tell the

565
00:26:40,770 --> 00:26:43,690
teacher to get lost.
And one day I was just sitting

566
00:26:43,690 --> 00:26:46,450
next to him and we were actually
coloring in and he was doing his

567
00:26:46,450 --> 00:26:49,410
work and I just looked down and
I said, hey mate, like you are.

568
00:26:49,530 --> 00:26:52,090
Look what you're doing.
You're so capable.

569
00:26:52,090 --> 00:26:54,410
This is amazing work.
You're a great artist.

570
00:26:54,410 --> 00:26:57,090
You're concentrating.
Your behavior is beautiful.

571
00:26:57,090 --> 00:26:59,570
I'm so proud of you.
And he looked at me and and you

572
00:26:59,570 --> 00:27:03,170
know, stared me straight in the
eyes and he said really no one's

573
00:27:03,250 --> 00:27:06,210
ever said that to me before.
And I just nearly cried.

574
00:27:06,210 --> 00:27:08,650
And obviously I can in my
business, but when I'm with, I

575
00:27:08,890 --> 00:27:11,810
was at the school setting, I was
just like, wow, I know I made an

576
00:27:11,810 --> 00:27:14,170
impact on that child's life then
and there.

577
00:27:14,290 --> 00:27:17,050
And that's why I do what I do.
They need somebody else to

578
00:27:17,050 --> 00:27:19,450
reflect back to them how amazing
they are.

579
00:27:19,530 --> 00:27:22,010
Every single human is amazing.
And sometimes they're not

580
00:27:22,010 --> 00:27:24,010
getting it at home or from
education.

581
00:27:24,010 --> 00:27:27,170
So for me, when a child picks
you and you can have that

582
00:27:27,170 --> 00:27:30,290
beautiful connection is just
why, just why.

583
00:27:30,410 --> 00:27:33,010
And they get it.
And just a really other quick

584
00:27:33,010 --> 00:27:34,810
one.
I remember when my son who said

585
00:27:34,850 --> 00:27:37,970
is nearly 17 now, was 7 and I
started learning all these

586
00:27:37,970 --> 00:27:39,330
modalities.
He was really angry.

587
00:27:39,410 --> 00:27:40,970
We will get it going through the
divorce.

588
00:27:41,010 --> 00:27:43,250
And I just asked him, I said,
when was the first time you were

589
00:27:43,250 --> 00:27:45,330
angry?
And he grabbed his little fists

590
00:27:45,330 --> 00:27:47,810
together and he clenched them
and he said when I was in your

591
00:27:47,810 --> 00:27:49,130
tummy.
And so this is kind of like

592
00:27:49,130 --> 00:27:51,610
timeline therapy, if you know
anything about NLP.

593
00:27:51,730 --> 00:27:54,250
And I was like, wow, so that was
the first time you were angry.

594
00:27:54,250 --> 00:27:56,370
I said, what are you?
Because, yeah, I was stuck and

595
00:27:56,370 --> 00:27:59,570
he was, he was breached.
He actually broke my waters to

596
00:27:59,570 --> 00:28:01,370
it in a bit weeks early.
He wanted to come out.

597
00:28:01,370 --> 00:28:04,370
He was stuck under my liver.
His nervous system remembered

598
00:28:04,370 --> 00:28:07,690
that he was angry from that time
and we unpacked that so that he

599
00:28:07,690 --> 00:28:09,770
knows that he can release that
anger.

600
00:28:09,770 --> 00:28:12,690
It's not always talking about
the current things that are

601
00:28:12,690 --> 00:28:14,490
making you Angus.
And sometimes it's going back

602
00:28:14,490 --> 00:28:16,170
and unpacking.
Where did it come from?

603
00:28:16,170 --> 00:28:18,970
Why is your body storing that?
And so using different like

604
00:28:18,970 --> 00:28:21,770
techniques, kids can heal super
quick.

605
00:28:21,970 --> 00:28:24,450
Us adults are the ones that take
the work that need a lot of

606
00:28:24,450 --> 00:28:27,530
constant guidance and assurance.
But when you work with a child

607
00:28:27,530 --> 00:28:31,810
and you hold space for them,
those interactions are literally

608
00:28:31,810 --> 00:28:34,250
life changing for them.
They go on to heal and grow and

609
00:28:34,250 --> 00:28:37,610
be so much more evolved and
regulated because you know,

610
00:28:37,610 --> 00:28:39,290
someone's held space for them.
Yeah.

611
00:28:39,410 --> 00:28:42,930
The deep listening, I think that
a lot of people hear about it,

612
00:28:42,930 --> 00:28:46,130
we're not so good at doing it.
Just like putting the phone

613
00:28:46,130 --> 00:28:51,370
away, not multitasking, really
having an authentic conversation

614
00:28:51,370 --> 00:28:54,690
with them, asking them how it
made them feel without trying to

615
00:28:54,690 --> 00:28:58,330
interject or cutting them short.
And all of that, and that goes

616
00:28:58,330 --> 00:29:00,970
with your kids is, you know, in
any relationship, it's like

617
00:29:00,970 --> 00:29:04,330
really paying attention and
having that quality time that

618
00:29:04,330 --> 00:29:07,050
doesn't cost anything.
A lot of parents will also.

619
00:29:07,050 --> 00:29:09,130
I know that there's compensatory
behavior.

620
00:29:09,170 --> 00:29:10,450
It's.
Like, oh, I can't spend as much

621
00:29:10,450 --> 00:29:12,810
time with a kid, my kids.
So I'll just buy them their

622
00:29:12,810 --> 00:29:16,570
favorite toy or buy them another
pair of shoes or something like

623
00:29:16,570 --> 00:29:18,890
that.
And certainly that is a display

624
00:29:18,890 --> 00:29:20,650
of love.
It's one of the five love

625
00:29:20,650 --> 00:29:23,010
languages.
But really, there is something

626
00:29:23,010 --> 00:29:26,610
to be said about quality time
and then that active and deep

627
00:29:26,610 --> 00:29:30,170
listening, that can be extremely
valuable as a start.

628
00:29:30,170 --> 00:29:33,250
If you're feeling like, oh gosh,
I can't bring in a coach, you

629
00:29:33,410 --> 00:29:35,890
know, maybe you're feeling
intimidated as a first step.

630
00:29:35,890 --> 00:29:38,770
There are a lot of things that
you could probably do just on

631
00:29:38,770 --> 00:29:41,290
your own time.
To get to that place And then if

632
00:29:41,290 --> 00:29:44,210
you're still feeling like you
might need support, then there's

633
00:29:44,290 --> 00:29:47,410
absolutely nothing wrong with
trying to get a coach and

634
00:29:47,490 --> 00:29:50,730
somebody to come in and maybe
show you some different tools

635
00:29:50,730 --> 00:29:53,330
and techniques that you can
bring into your home.

636
00:29:53,410 --> 00:29:55,770
And there's so much free stuff
online, you know?

637
00:29:55,770 --> 00:29:58,210
Yes, obviously we're advocates.
We've got podcasts.

638
00:29:58,210 --> 00:30:01,050
There's so many cool things.
I'm pretty sure you're gonna add

639
00:30:01,050 --> 00:30:04,770
it in the bottom Here I've got a
5 day free program just to help

640
00:30:04,770 --> 00:30:07,530
parents with overwhelm.
There's cool games, there's

641
00:30:07,530 --> 00:30:10,810
meditations, there's so much
free stuff on YouTube, so and

642
00:30:10,930 --> 00:30:12,530
tick tock for your kids of your
stuff.

643
00:30:12,530 --> 00:30:15,890
Like there's so many different
ways that we can get into their

644
00:30:15,890 --> 00:30:17,450
world.
Like you said, it doesn't have

645
00:30:17,450 --> 00:30:19,290
to always have to cost money.
Yeah, so.

646
00:30:19,370 --> 00:30:22,770
That's right.
Well, Nicole Hamilton, the kids

647
00:30:22,810 --> 00:30:25,810
coach, thank you so much for
being on the show today.

648
00:30:25,810 --> 00:30:28,930
I appreciate you and your work
so very much.

649
00:30:29,050 --> 00:30:31,970
Thank you so much for having me.
It's, yeah, literally, I guess

650
00:30:31,970 --> 00:30:34,730
my last mission now to really
talk about this more and get it

651
00:30:34,730 --> 00:30:36,250
out there.
So you're one of the first

652
00:30:36,250 --> 00:30:38,410
steps, my first one in the
interview.

653
00:30:39,490 --> 00:30:42,770
Delighted and I'm very honored.
Thank you so much, Jennifer.

654
00:30:43,490 --> 00:30:46,730
Thank you for listening to the
Human Beauty Movement podcast.

655
00:30:46,770 --> 00:30:50,930
Be sure to follow, rate and
review us wherever you stream

656
00:30:50,930 --> 00:30:53,090
podcasts.
The Human Beauty Movement is a

657
00:30:53,090 --> 00:30:56,410
community based platform that
cultivates the beauty of

658
00:30:56,410 --> 00:30:59,170
humankind.
Check out our workshops, find us

659
00:30:59,170 --> 00:31:02,490
on social media and share our
inspiration with all the

660
00:31:02,490 --> 00:31:07,260
beautiful humans in your life.
Learnmore@thehumanbeautymovement.com

661
00:31:07,340 --> 00:31:10,300
Thank you so much for being a
beautiful human.