Episode 35: Ilsa Fay - Hey Ladies, We're Unlocking Secrets About Erotica Empowerment

0:07 Hello, beautiful humans. Welcome to another episode of Role Models juicy conversations with beautiful humans. I'm Jennifer Norman founder of the human Beauty movement and your host, this podcast thrives on your support. So if you like what you hear, follow us rate and review us and share this episode with everyone, you know, across you are networks, okay? Now, the human Beauty movement is all about radical Self-love radical self-acceptance and radical self-expression. So that means that we intentionally step outside our comfort zone to discuss and provide understanding on topics that may otherwise be perceived as taboo. So, today, we are doing it. We are going to talk about erotic power.

0:48 After all, this is a shame free environment. So strap on your strap, on to guide, our discussion, We're Going Down Under pun intended, to welcome, ilsa Fay to the All models page help from Melbourne. Hailing from Melbourne. Ilsa is an award-winning filmmaker creative director and founder of erotica Film Festival. She is also a business coach who works with women on financial empowerment. Welcome ilsa, I appreciate you being here. Thank you so much for having me. It's a yes, an absolute pleasure, Jennifer. Wonderful first, I would love to learn about how you came to do what you're doing. Can you tell us a little bit about yourself? Yes.

1:29 Yeah, thank you. So I mean there's a few different Pathways in Journeys. I could share with you about how I got here, you know, because I love lives. Are you know, infused with all these different moments and people and experiences and situations that lead us to the places that we're at. But I feel like the most relevant one, you know, to talk about the erotica film festival. And how I've ended up here is to do with my journey as a mom and to do with my journey around sexuality and I think that as women and not all women, but a lot of women do grow up in environments and situations. Shin is where we repress and ashamed for our sexuality and our power. And so we can sometimes struggle to really embody and accept and confidently Express those parts of ourselves.

2:12 So that was part of my journey through teenagehood and early. Adulthood and I guess the point where I'm at now, came from being a mom and it was a few years ago, I was doing a self pleasure ritual and in that ritual I had a vision about something that I wanted to create in the world and I came out of that experience. And I said to my partner at the time, this is what I want to create. It's like this incredible erotic Vision being and I said I can't do that. It is too crazy. It is to out there. This is absolutely radical insane. And he turns to me and he said, of course, you can do it, you can do whatever you want. I've got your back, I'm here to support you and so in that process of beginning to launch and create erotic events, and erotic events, from a position of Celebration and acceptance as opposed to creating sexy events where people like Deus, Ex Things that wasn't really ever about, came through all of these fears and frustrations around how I would be perceived as a mom, as a woman as somebody, who is a valuable member of society and community, and so on and so forth.

3:12 And in the seating of the erotica events, because they started off as live performance art experiences. I did actually have to Journey being censored being, I guess, put down, and trying to be squashed because of what it was that I was doing and through that seeding of erotica. I had this beautiful photo Rajput created by a friend and colleague of ethical erotic photography. And I was watching it because it was something I was going to play at the event and my son who was, you know, only about 10 at the time or 10, or 11 hand pass and said, Mom, what are you looking at? Can I watch that? My first response was like oh my gosh no no. That's rests on this screen. Absolutely not. And I took a moment to actually really think and reflect into that and to think about what I value around art and what I value around Beauty. And what I value around ethic, Photography and beauty and consent and the body.

4:03 And I realized that everything that I was looking at was not explicit and was actually first stated through the Gaze of Art and so I decided that actually it was okay. And so I allowed him to look and it's kind of looked at was like, okay and I feel but it was not a big deal. Mmm, it's like okay cool and off he went and so that really was part of this journey of realizing that I had a responsibility as mum and as a woman in my community to do something about the issue. Issues that I was seeing in the world particularly around sexuality. And so, you know, tens turned into 13 stone into 16 year olds and then you start to enter into the world of pornography and I had concerns about what my child was.

4:44 Maybe one day going to see in the school yard and I needed to do something about that, maybe not specifically for him but for the collective community of children about you know what they were going to then grow into and grow up with and what they were going to consume in the school yard, looking an iPhone. Things in secret and really wanting to be part of a world where sexuality and eroticism was not aggressive, was not full of assault and degradation and demeaning behaviors and language and wanting to create an environment and a situation where intimacy, and sex and love, could be seen through the Gaze of care and connection. That's how I got here. Amazing amazing.

5:24 So, I would love for you to help. Dispel some more myths about erotica, you did touch on On the fact that there is this difference between erotica and art and worn and thinking about what Society has essentially been in blazoning in front of our children and in front of, you know, everybody who's willing to view, like, what is the biggest difference or what are some myths that people have about erotica, went as soon as they hear it? Well, I think that the ultra movement and it's been a really important movement that corn has brought to the world actually, because what is created is the permission for people to explore their fantasies. There is no fantasy that you cannot go. When find online, no matter how much we might feel like that's ugly or uncomfortable horn, has been a Trailblazer in many, many ways for many, many people.

6:08 But I think that and porn is also changing. Right? So, it's the we've got the mainstream gaze over it, but it's also being changed by women, like me by trans folk like we're folk by other people who want to create an experience, something different. So I think one of the myths is that corn is only one particular section of the market of the sexuality. Market, and that is changing. And I think the reason why erotica is so important is because we're bringing consent, we're bringing the consent of the body, right? So when you working with sexuality, when you look at something like contractual agreement, if you're an artist or a performer, you can be over 18 or whatever, the legal age of consent is in your country. And say, yes, I agree to do x, y and said they are within my boundaries that I agree to do.

6:53 And then you have the consent of the body and the consent of the body is something very different because you can't sign an agreement. It says my body can sense because you might get into an experience or a situation where the person that you think is good that you think is fine and then you get there and if your sensitized your body might contract just a little bit and that's enough to recognize that your body is actually not consenting to that act and it might not be that. It's not consenting ever, it's just not consenting right now or it could be not ever. So I think that when we're looking at a rod occur and in particular the films that we bring into the erotica Film Festival, but we're really seeking and looking for is the The consent of the body inside the experience. So that's why, so many of our films are made by regular people who have a desire to express themselves often.

7:40 It's just an expression of themselves. Not with another person, we're not purely an explicit Film Festival. So our primary gazes on sensuality and intimacy. So I think bringing through consent and bringing through ART, a really important elements to start to change the narratives around porn. And the way that people use Pawn because it has So destructive and because it can be so addictive and so harmful to people's experiences of themselves and of their sex lives. We really want to start to see horn being infused from The Gaze of Art and Beauty. I think I understand, but I want to take it a little bit further, because I think that a lot of people would say, well with porn, there's actors and certainly, they're consenting, otherwise it wouldn't be out there.

8:23 So what then really would be the difference because it's not rape, like rape is not consensual and I think Eddie would agree on that. That is a hard line, but there still seems to be this fuzziness between where the line is of where porn begins and ends. And then we're erotica of begins and ends or is it not to be a? Maybe it's more subjective. Maybe it is something with more fluid. Yeah, sure. And hear what you're saying. I don't think that there is a specific line between porn and erotica. I mean, porn is erotic, and erotica can also be porn. And I think dispelling, the, the taboo nature of the word Pawn is very important because it creates It's a broader, gays and possibility to receive more forms of sexuality, and more forms of communication, and interest and fantasy. And it dispels, I guess the ugliness and the rejection Airy nature that we have over sexuality. So I think that that Parts important but the piece that I'm really speaking to a rankine center of the body doesn't mean that people are being raped.

9:20 It doesn't mean that at all right. That's a totally not the conversation what we're talking about is if I was to meet you in person and sometimes you know you have this connection with something like You just going to hug them, right? This is straightaway, recognition of the bodies that it feels good and safe and exciting to come together. And sometimes you meet somebody and you're like, hmm, I actually don't want to hug this person. Maybe I'm okay with a handshake. Maybe, I'm okay. Just with a wave, right? These are things that we teach our children. Would you like a hug, a handshake, or high five or a wave? Really good ways to teach consent and these principles have to remain through adulthood, and in particular, through erotic content, just because I have said to somebody while, yes, I agree. Ready to do the sex act with you on paper on the day. My body might just be an absolute. No.

10:05 Like I have just do not want to do this. I don't like your energy or I don't feel very good today, I don't feel safe, I don't feel emotionally. Well I don't feel well slept you know, whatever reason it might be too, they're not actually be wanting to or willing to engage in that act. So that's really it's a nuance and it become P measured because it's different to each and every single person in each and every single moment. Yeah. So where is he? You were before a bit concerned about what your son or what any child's might be consuming on the play, you know, and we're ground or what they might be looking at on their own time. Then how would you be able to instruct your child or others, to be able to have that discernment or to know whether or not what they're looking at is Art and whether or not it's not necessarily. So I mean, this is a question for each parent to answer for themselves.

10:55 I think, ultimately, we all come to the table as adults and parents were very From value sets and these sorts of conversations around sex and sexuality and consent start when children are tiny, you know, like not forcing them to hug, grandparents, not forcing them to hug you, you know, I think one of the biggest myths around being a parent is that out our children are obliged to like to hug us, and, to love us. And that we are owed that in some way because we have birthed our children or created, or taking care of them and it's not true. Our children are sovereign beings. Yes, and they get to choose also in each and every moment whether they want to hug you or say I love you or you know, follow instructions and things like that. So seeding this sort of appreciation for the consent of the body not just their body but also your own body. Is it Karen?

11:46 You know saying things like hey I'm actually feeling really mad about something right now and I actually I love you. I don't really want to hug right now. I need some space, being able to teach children these sorts of languages and where affection or love. In touch isn't necessarily representative of them being rejected, but actually is a healthy measure of, you know, emotional health, and intelligence inside. The household is deeply important for them to navigate their own sense of self. But also how they then start to navigate their relationships in friendships and other further Intimate Relationships as they turn into adults. And then, you know, having that level of self, understanding emotional intelligence, the capacity for compassion and empathy can only be a good thing for them, how they start to engage. Age with and use erotic and sexual content. I think that that is so powerful because I can certainly see how in many cases with parenting.

12:39 There is such a desire to control the environment control with their watching shot. You know keep things away from them but kids are smart, kids know, they'll go around it somehow. So if you don't have those conversations overtly to say, this is what you're viewing, this is how you can look at it and this is the way that I would instruct you to, you know, think about things and hand, you know, trust your feelings. And set up those boundaries or there's delineations where you feel most comfortable to do so. Because otherwise people like, I don't want to hurt that person's feelings. I better give them a hug or I don't want to hurt that dudes feelings, I better get, you know, it could carry on so a lot of different intimate areas of the life without you even realizing it. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, it is amazing.

13:20 And I think so many people, at least probably an hour age group have had experiences, where we have done things with people, in our teenage years that on reflection. In our other who, there's no way we would have done that with the knowledge, and the self certainty that we experience now. And that's the sense of value at its that we, we now deeply value ourselves in our own boundaries, more than the feeling of, or the experience of being bullied rejected, shamed, whatever it might be by whoever. And so seeding that from a very young age that their value is higher than any of those other things creates a really powerful I guess, Essence and vibration in the schoolyard like if they're willing to stand. To themselves then they probably willing to stand for others as well.

14:03 And that's a powerful thing to bring through. Absolutely, let's shift gears and talk a little bit about the idea of sensuality and power. You know, we talk about the sacral and the solar plexus chakra is and the two of them are of course very close to each other. I would love for you to give everybody just a little bit of a 101 on that great, I love chakras. So this the sacral sits in the womb space whether you have a room or not irregardless, Of your gender. That is the location inside of the body, that, that Center sits. And it generally holds themes around creativity, sexuality, try belonging community, and those sorts of things, then we have the power center and that sits in the solar plexus. And those themes are generally related to a more masculine themes of willpower buyers on and so forth. So what you're really looking at is the sequel which is more of a feminist in time than you've got the solar plexus which is more of a masculine Center of come to me. I feel like Integration of those two pieces is what brings through the integration of Manatee, right? And it will come up and into the heart. So you bring the feminine and the masculine up into the heart and you have integration, right?

15:10 It's beautiful. The way that all of these ancient systems work and I'm certainly no expert on it. But the integration of sensuality and personal power, right? Will being the seat of personal power rings through levels of confidence levels of high self-worth. The ability to make change in the world, the ability to stand things that are important. And I think what it does, when people really start to get this piece and integrate it in their own life, is it starts to dispel the distortions that we see around sexuality and power. So, some of the ways that distorted sexuality and power can play out in many, many different ways, including the more aggressive tones that you see. In some people, the more submissive tones that you see in other people sexually, but it can also play out in non-sexual ways, people who feel disempowered sexually.

15:59 Can become aggressive or overly submissive in very regular scenarios in the workplace for instance because they don't have an integration of their worth and of their personal power. And that, you know, you can start to see things like passive aggression, River bullying, lots of different manipulations and aggressions that start to come out. When these two power centers are not really well integrated, the place that I see is also in parenting when people aren't satisfied in their sexual Intimate Relationships, they can Outsource Source, their love needs to children, or to their parents or, you know, to all sorts of very weird and wonderful or not. So wonderful ways, interesting. So, you know, certainly some people are very confident in the business as you had mentioned but not necessarily in their bodies and because there is this disintegration there is this sense of an imbalance in many different ways.

16:54 So what are some of the things that people can do to help synergize these? Of course awareness I think is the First thing, as you said, you know, if you sense that you're manipulative, a few cents, passive aggressive nature. If you sense that there's something going on, it's like, okay, there's an imbalance here, but how do I fix this? What do I do about it? This is the question, isn't it? You know, if you don't even have awareness to begin with? Well, there's very little, that can be done and if you're somebody who is experiencing actually, this is a great way to describe it. If you're somebody who experiences a lot of drama, or if you constantly feel like people are doing things to you, like you're feeling Victimized or you feeling bullied. All this being manipulated if you feel like that's happening to you a lot, then chances are that there's something that's distorted, there's something that's out of balance.

17:40 Now it doesn't mean that it's your fault. What it means is that there's something there to pay attention to because you're not fully in your power, that's what that means. Right, anyway, they were there's drama Distortion, frustration, anger upset. There's usually a power imbalance going on and those sorts of situations are designed to present the Woody of power returning to an equilibrium effectively, like, anger is a state of being that attempts to bring back a state of equilibrium. Mmm. So if you're a person who's on the other end of the spectrum, who is highly aggressive, who is always feeling like it's everybody else's fault and you're, you know, kind of always manipulating places and situations around you. Chances are you'll probably also feel like a victim, but in a totally different way, there will be a sense of self-righteousness entitlement. Lots of States spent in anger and things like that. And that's also a sign.

18:29 In that there's a lack of self-awareness around the power imbalances internally, so ways to, I guess to resolve that if you don't have awareness, there's not much to do. Yes. But if you do have some threads of awareness, then, you know, I really great place to start is to just keep coming back to the body. You know, there's lots of breathwork, there's lots of meditation practices. There's, you know, there's lots of very simple tools that can really deeply support people journaling seeking support with therapy Retreat spaces. Workshops all of these tools that we have so widely available to us in modern culture, are fantastic tools for that Journey. That's either here. That's why we're so excited about them listening to podcasts. Like yours is such a great opportunity to bring through different sense of awareness has from different speakers that can support many Awakenings and Revelations within yourself to start to support healing or integration. So there's so many different Avenues But ultimately when we're dealing with power imbalances, the only person who can ever Ever do that work.

19:30 And bring it back to wholeness. Is you and I think that one piece of awareness is, do you really truly feel happy? Do you really feel truly content with yourself? Are you really feeling joy in your life or when you start feeling that victim complex or if you feel that you're being bullied or otherwise if you feel that people are intimidated by you and shunning you and there's that power imbalance that way, then those are cues. Those are absolute cues and the I guess it's also does beg the next Because obviously living out your fantasies and thinking about erotica, some parts of fetishism talk about submissiveness and dominance. And so if somebody feels that they're getting aroused or turned on by being a submissive and then they find a, you know, a dominant player who is willing and consensual is that then harmonious from an external perspective, the vice versa.

20:22 If somebody is a DOT you know it's dominant and find submissiveness in somebody else and then they come together is that something that helps to create Create coherence or is that person really trying to look for something where it's a little bit more balanced by themselves rather than seeking it from somebody else? Mmm, that's a great question and My Views and perspectives on that particular scenario have actually radically changed over time. As I have matured as a person I think fundamentally the external gaze. When somebody's personal experience is completely irrelevant. You know, you we are living our personal experiences and my opinion or that of any other person's is completely irrelevant. Somebody's personal Journey. Ultimately. So there's that piece you know you do you live the experience that you need to live.

21:05 And I think that potentially some guiding forces and factors would be e regardless of the situation or the experience or the fetish that you find yourself in. Do you continue to feel empowered to change that at any time? If you feel like you don't have that capacity then something needs to happen. But if you always feel like you can have a conversation changed, leave negotiate then, enjoy your life, have a great time, whatever, whatever you took me. Thing. However, I have also considered that as people are playing out these roles and Fantasies I have considered that they Loop. You do see some people in who have a particular fetish who Loop, and who remains stuck inside of that fetish for ever?

21:45 And I don't know that as humans we are designed to sit in Loops. I think that we are designed to evolve and so I have wondered whether fetishes when they've actually become fully integrated weather there. Three parts of self better externalized and we play out the experience until it can come into a place of wholeness and then as it comes to into a place of wholeness, potentially there's another exciting fetish or desire that arises that, then we want to play that out. And so it's almost like a healing Journey. So to speak, which doesn't necessarily mean that there's been trauma. It can just be these are parts of the human soul that we are just integrating in this particular lifetime for no other reason other than this is just what we've been given, right? So I have considered that and you know, I know my personal journey through sexuality, my desires and my fantasies have changed a great deal.

22:37 And I think that one of the reasons why for me I have never looped is because I've been with my partner for eight years and we have journeyed those things together in a very honest consensual High communication space around how we feel what we want, what we don't like where we're at, you know, over a long period of time and we have both been willing. To evolve and I think sometimes one person can be ready to evolve, but they're not ready to leave. They don't want to sacrifice the person that they're with, in order to evolve past that if that person is looping. So it's, you know, it's complex human behavior, Human Relationships. Many people are not willing to sacrifice relationships for their own personal Soul journey.

23:19 And I think that the people who are willing to sacrifice personal relationships for their soul, Journey are going to have a more satisfying overall enriched experience of their life very well sir. Said, I have never heard it in that way before and I think that is so enlightening and I think that you're exactly right. I mean, certainly we are not here to fix anybody. This is not what this is. It's really like, are you listening and reflecting upon these words? And if you're sensing that, there is something about it that perhaps in your behavior, feeling a compulsion where, you know, you can't just easily walk away from it. Then you might be getting into that Loop. You might be getting into an addictive behavior, which is not necessarily the healthiest.

23:59 You potentially, but explore it for yourself. These are just suggestions and thoughts to help us all back on the journey to ourselves as it is, certainly now Elsa, I know you coach women mostly and the fascinating thing that I found was that you have them get in touch with their masculine energy and I would have never thought about that for business. But I would love for you to speak about that. Yes, what? You know, I've been through my personal Journey has been to come through the Feminine Mystique Arts. I came through the sacred, sexuality Journey. Yeah, I came through the female feminine empowerment, journey and lived, and breathed, in that conscious space, for quite a period of time, and it's beautiful and it's incredible. And there's lots of self-pleasure and self love and creativity and art and not a lot of the ability to solve provide English.

24:48 There you go. Great dreams. You know, that that space is hanging out with people who don't have a lot of money, mean beautiful spaces. Drinking chai And it's overrun with particular demographic of younger people, right? Because as you start to get older than you have more responsibilities, or children or financial commitments, and so we're forced into roles and positions and situations that can actually provide us Financial income, right? So that's kind of what happens there. But what I saw was that so many women, myself included, wanted this new experience of feminine mysticism and empowerment to be the way that we lived our life forever. We didn't want it to be Visiting a retreat on the weekend, and then going back to our day job.

25:32 That's not the integration that so many people want. They want it to be completely integrated, you know, we as a the younger kind of generation these days, we want to be able to travel. We want to better work from anywhere in the world. We want to be able to have, you know, incredible amazing incomes, very mineral responsibilities and sitting around in women's circles. Talking about our feelings is not always conducive to having that sort of Lifestyle, right? Right? So part of the pathway that being on, is to mature the feminine and I've had an incredible Mentor who supported me with that. And what that means is to go from the image who are feminine, who's like, all the no feelings. It's like, I've got all these feelings and you need to listen to me, and I'm Carly embodied, right?

26:14 So it's kind of to go from that the goddess complex into the mature feminine, who can still feel everything, but it's not actually about. So I actually about her, you know, it's controlled. It's the inner experience of chaos from Place of pure creation and that level of maturity requires the masculine to be on board inside of the system. Because the masculine is the provider. He creates structure, he creates consistency, he protects the value of the feminine. He doesn't need to like, do all this business because he's like, these are my boundaries and I don't need to scream at you that. I'm the goddess incarnated because these are my boundaries and you either meet these boundaries or you don't. And if you don't meet them there's no drama where Just not a match, you know, it comes very simple. I think that that is a really wonderful way of looking at it because in life, and if we think about evolutionary time and we are in a time of extraordinary at the Ascension, it's accelerating so dramatically where roles and responsibilities are shifting and it does require you know women to take on masculine energy and you know either externally or internally so that we can provide for ourselves. If that is our calling if that's what really makes us feel a little I am n our heart sank.

27:29 And so from the perspective of support, or from the perspective of embodying, it and getting a coach such as yourself to help light. That way, it's a very powerful thing at Bennett will help with that integration of the two chakras of the sacral and the solar plexus Essence. And so that you can essentially be whole and balanced in Wellness to go then Borth and live the life that you wish to manifest. Yeah, absolutely you know what? I think having the masculine qualities integrated doesn't Sara Lee mean that you can't then experience them in the external world. If you are heterosexually orientated, but it doesn't mean that what it actually means is that you are choosing to value your experience of life. So highly, you might choose to integrate those masculine principles so that you can build a business.

28:13 So that you can be the CEO of an organization, you could do that, but you could also do it. Just so that you have precise and pristine expectations, and boundaries in getting your children to school and having lunches made, and having the house, the way that you desire it to And the friendships the way you desire, it to be and the sex life that you desire it to be. You know, there's so many ways they can be integrated to create a really rich and beautiful life. And what I have seen is that as women that I've coached have integrated the masculine qualities, they have always called in higher matches of mask, the external masculine. If they haven't been partnered and for people who have been partnered that their experience of that partnership has elevated into something, even more beautiful, and more special, because they're not constantly Outsourcing Which means that their external masculine can really sit in their purity without being like sucked from basically. Hmm, he would have fun.

29:05 And now, when we talk about eroticism, I know that you've got this beautiful Film Festival will have to talk about that in a moment too. But you know, people think about eroticism and sensuality sexuality and they think, you know, this doesn't have any place in the workplace like I need to check my set sensuality at the door when I enter into an office or if I'm, you know, on with a bunch of colleagues and so what would be your response to somebody? Thinks that way it's a good question. There are places where it's not appropriate actually, you know that's just true. And you know, if you're questioning whether something is appropriate or not, you can start to flip between, well, I have a right to express my sensuality wherever I want for me, that's a distorted us a shadow of in all likelihood, the feminine entitlement to be whoever. She wants to be wherever she wants to be it. But when your sexuality, your sexuality is integrated, I mean, it just doesn't need to be everywhere. I mean, it just doesn't There are places where it's appropriate with your partner, with friends out in different adult, places and Landscapes.

30:05 And Then There Are Places where it doesn't need to be there. It doesn't mean that you then cutting it out but if you're at a five year olds children party and you really feel the need to express your sensuality then I think there's a problem and the problem is that the sensuality of the sexuality is an actually integrated because it's actually not an appropriate space to bring through that type of energy. Mmm, right. And that's different needing to express. Sexuality is very different to having levels of comfortability with your own sexuality. So you can still experience yourself as a sensual person at all times without having to bring that energy overtly into a space. Mmm. Yeah, you know just like we are all multifaceted beings you know life and its manifestations do have facets and so you know creating a space and a place for ideal energy to shine and Thrive, I think might be you're a dancer.

30:56 And I was when you were just Just making that statement about why you should be able to accept reminded me, again, of that image or feminine potentially, yeah, you know, one that's just feels very entitled and should be able to self express no matter who, what, where when they wish to yeah, Thanksgiving dinner, table, might not be quite right over here in America. Maybe over in Australia. You've got other things those days. And so getting back to the fact that you're a mom and I'm a mom, we know. Like once you have a child life changes, your life is forever. Changed your pretty Reborn and you're learning life all over again. And so, one thing that happens is their libido can plummet man, when you know, you've got nappies to change and you've got kids to get to school and, you know, you're putting other people first. Like, the thing that I thought was very amusing that you mention is, like reclaiming, the MILF, which I think is absolutely genius.

31:50 What would you say are some ways that mothers can get their sexy back? Well, I mean, one of the ways that I like to work work is actually fine like social media. A place of deep inspiration for this because there are some really hot celebrities who embody this. The MILF archetype, you know, like to the most gorgeous level and one of them is Kim Kardashian, absolutely, right. There is nothing that that woman does, that is not hot, you know, where and the whole Kardashian kind of gender clan for sell sex. They sell it everywhere and they are and they Empower. Yeah, and power. And there, you know, financially, very successful and all sorts of other Things. So I think, you know, if you're struggling to reconnect your sexuality, if social media is supportive and it might not be then, curating the feed as like a mood board or an inspiration board and then starting to find ways to incorporate that and it could be through doing your hair particular way or just putting on a little bit of makeup if that's what makes you feel good or particular close.

32:51 So there's kind of those external ways that we can start to support the feminine re-emergence the center. Jewellery emergence and the external ways for the feminine is important because one of the gifts of the feminine is adornment, you know, creating the beautiful crowns and the hair and are there's a it's not superficial, it's just part of the way that the feminine expresses herself. So there's that way and the other way is to step into your masculine and actively create times places and spaces where you get to be with yourself. And that could look like a bath, the 20 minutes, it could look like taking half an hour. To lay on your bed and just hold your heart. You know. Usually when these sorts of practices start out, it's not always that pleasurable.

33:34 Usually there's a lot of emotion to be released so you can be tears. It can be a lot of stuff out in the heart. The Yoni can feel neglected and contracted and sometimes sore or have things that she still healing from through pregnancy. And I'm not an expert in that but there are lots of them out there. So there's, you know, coming back and spending time with the body is just so important and recognizing that you don't have to be all explicitly. Turned on and aroused and available for sex or intimacy. That's not the measure of whether you're doing it, right? I mean, there is no measure of doing it, right? Other than the, how do you feel is your nervous system at ease? Do you feel rested is your belly relaxed? Can you smile and can you laugh?

34:15 And do you feel connected and supported in your experience of life? So I think that they're probably better places to start, you know? And then you can start to really go down the or do I want to solve pleasure and me, they use a crystal wand and maybe I Want to lay in the sun naked. And there's so many different ways to start to connect and awaken that level of sexuality and sensuality again, and it will be different for everybody. Yeah. And the idea of not judging yourself or feeling guilty for taking that time and recognizing, and honoring the fact that you deserve it. Because look, what you've done, you've created a human being, that's amazing. Yeah, that's right. I mean, you know, my motherhood Journey began before I came into this kind of sacred sexuality, and Empowered living.

34:58 And so, you know I don't have those reference points as a first mum, you know, but I have them as a mum with with a slightly older child and you know those being able to talk about consent as we talked about at the start and be able to create space. You know you just start with the things that you can. You just start where you can with what feels doable. There's no right way. There's no winning no. Yeah now you can go very good LOL survey. It was absolutely a pleasure to speak with you. Thank you so much for all of your Or wisdom, this has been truly extraordinary and I'll put all of your information in the show notes. So people know where to find you, everyone. This is ill, Sofia. Please find her and follow her and we wish you a blessed day. Great, thank you so much to in the fall.