Episode 38: Kelsea Koenreich - Girl, Know Your Power!

0:07 Hello, beautiful humans. Welcome to another episode of Role Models juicy conversations with beautiful humans. I'm Jennifer Norman founder of the human Beauty movement and your host, this podcast thrives on your support. So if you like what you hear follow us right as reviewers and share this episode with everyone, you know, across your networks. So today we're going to talk about the comeback and how you are stronger. ER, and more resilient than, you know, to overcome any setback, my special guest is Kelsey can dry, Kelsey is a business Mentor, for impact driven, CEOs, and entrepreneurs, she Rose from the darkness of nightly binge drinking three arrests and a jail cell to become the thriving business.

0:47 Owner author, speaker, wife, and mother of three that she is today. Welcome Kelsey. Hi, I'm so happy to be here. I'm delighted to have you here now. Many of the guests that I have on this show, I've Elected because they embody the Phoenix rising from the ashes. And you are absolutely that overcoming trauma and hardships is not easy. And so the more that I shine a light on how others did it, I believe it will help Inspire others to find their own strength to persevere and Thrive as well. So I'd love for you to tell us what you were like in those early dark days and what your wake-up call was mmm. Yeah. So I'm going to start with the last part of that question. First, my wake-up call, actually, as you in Introduce me, was that third arrest?

1:32 That was the moment where everything changed for me. I woke up in the medical unit at the county jail. And there was a moment where I stood up and I Met Myself and My Eyes in the mirror. And I always say that like a mirror changed my life. And so I became one and that was the moment to where I had to take responsibility for where I was, and the life that I had created was a product of my own choice. Is and while it was definitely you know very much a punch in the gut to take that responsibility it also you know with awareness comes change and I took my power back in that moment by saying if you created this result what can you create if you choose differently and so that was my wake-up call I didn't want to live like that anymore and I knew that with the path that I was on that.

2:24 I probably would not have lived much longer and so I chose to To change my entire life. I mean that in every single aspect I was so scared. I didn't know you know I had built this life around partying, I was a bartender. It was all that I really knew was that kind of social life. You know I love people and being around people and I knew that I was going to lose all my friends and I, you know, I was so scared of that and so scared of all the change that I would have to make, but in those early days and those dark Days when I was in a very, very deep and dark Valley, I always remembered there being some sort of glimmer of hope that like, there is something there that is bigger. I didn't know what I was meant for or where I was going or how exactly I was going to get there. But I knew that there was something else and that's a big part of like why I do what I do now. But in those stages what was really the most helpful thing for me is like I said, I had to basically peel everything Back, I had to come back to Ground Zero, I had to start over and so finding new support finding people who could be in my corner reaching out, life coaching therapy, just filling myself with as much support like, once I really harness the power of being able to change my internal State, that's when I fell in love with Fitness, and it was just like a new commitment and a new Devotion, to living and

3:56 living differently. So, I would say that, you know, that was Wake up call and those dark days. Those very very hard. And hopeless days were made just a little bit easier because I was so committed to creating something different that I asked for as much. Help with that. I could. Mmm, amazing. Thank you so much for being so open and sharing all of that. And I feel that a lot of people nowadays there is this sense of overwhelm and they use various coping mechanisms in order to just get through the day either to numb a certain feeling or a Certain emotion that is happening or just to push off some decision-making and some important things that are going on in their life.

4:38 And I think turning to drink or turning to partying is a very common behavior, isn't it? And so, I've actually been experiencing a lot of that with some friends and family members that are in, you know, my space now. And it seems I always wonder is, like, is it because I'm just aware of it that it seems like it's escalating. Oh, yeah. Mm. You try acting like it. How is this happening? But yeah, it seems like more and more people are just not knowing what to do in order to get out of it once they get into it. And so life coaching therapy, those things that you turn to when you realize, I've got to look myself in the mirror and make a change for the better, and I better do it now or else.

5:19 It's, I'm not going to be here very much longer. That was your way of digging out of that dark space, right? Yeah, it was just like, I had always been Been very resilient and I think that sometimes as powerful as we are as women sometimes our strengths are also our weaknesses and because I had, you know, been so independent because I had been through so much because I had survived everything that I had been through up until that point. I think that I was resistant to asking for help convinced that I could do it by myself but that turned into a constant cycle of me never getting where I actually wanted to go.

5:59 Cuz I wouldn't allow myself to be supported and so that was the biggest change for me was allowing myself to be supported in new ways. Yeah, that is a very good point where you feel like you can just do it on your own without the help of others. And you realize that, you know, there are more answers out there than you yourself, may be able to manage at a specific time especially when faced with a lot of Tendencies and habits and proclivities and getting that assistance. That you need that vulnerability of asking for help and being open to receiving help and being open to hearing some things. That might not feel very good.

6:40 Might not sound like something that you want to hear. But ultimately you know, is true about yourself is one of the very first and most important parts of the process in order to heal. Yeah, I agree. I agree so much and I think that there is such a beautiful change that can happen. And we allow ourselves that support when we start to see asking for help as powerful instead of week, when we start looking at like, this is what I'm really good at. And this is what I still need some additional help with and just like, allowing yourself to feel that and be a part of something that is bigger than you. That you can get a new perspective. You can, you know, face that mirror, you can take accountability for.

7:27 What is yours? It's just, that's Where real change occurs and I wanted to focus a little bit on that word power for a quick moment because I think to your point, it can be taken in a couple of different ways. Like, oh, I have the power. I am empowered, I don't need anybody else's help, you know, up in power, and power, and power. And so, yes, as women and also men, the belief that power means I should be able to handle this on my own. But on the other side, what happens is they're also playing the victim and feeling that these things are happening to you. And it's Others to blame and there's a relinquishing of power to whatever you're susceptible to, right? So can you talk a little bit more about, you know, you talked about bringing a whole new level of power into the room so that you can reach your potential. So I'd love to hear.

8:13 What do you mean by that? Hmm, yes. So it's very interesting because when I think about how our I teach women how to become their own power source, not in the way of not asking for help but not seeking external. Change before you change internally, meaning that so many of us, give our power away to external circumstances, we give our power away to other people. We let other people in situations and circumstances and responsibilities. Determine how we show up and how we lead and how we move in our lives. And what I believe is, when you are connected to you as your power source, you move differently because you no longer need external validation.

8:59 Don't need permission. You don't need all the things that we were taught, especially as women to me. We are so taught and trained to focus on external achievements and external accomplishments that has become. We ignore our intuition, we ignore the things that we really want, but when you are connected to your power, when you are your own power source and you don't need anybody to tell you, like I said, to give you permission to tell you that it's okay. Okay to tell you you can proceed when you feel powerful and you trust yourself because that's really the key to being your own power sources is cultivating. Deep self-trust is that you, like I said, you move differently.

9:43 You move with more certainty. You move with more confidence and that's what I believe about power. Yeah. And many of us have blind spots when it comes to our own self reflection will very easily. See what's wrong with somebody else? Or judge somebody else for a day or even like, They're wearing or whatnot. But it's so difficult for us to be able to see that without somebody else, mentioning it and then, you know, it becomes uncomfortable if you don't receive it very well. And so I'm curious like what are some of the biggest gaps that you see people facing that prevents them from having true freedom and success in their lives? It's you kind of goes back to I think there's a few things here, I think. Number one is the inability to ask for help and I believe that I do think that we have progressed forward from where more people are not seeing I'm asking as help as a weakness but what I do think is that I think that we are still stuck in the budding of heads, the resistance around needing to be broken.

10:41 In order to ask for help, you know, needing to hit a rock bottom before you move up needing to fall down before you can move forward. And I really wholeheartedly believe that, you know, you can ask for help just because you believe you're worthy of A New Perspective of A new skill, you don't have to wait until you're broken. And so I think that's one of the biggest gaps that I see is that people still wait too long. They are their own biggest obstacle, you know. It's like the thing that holds people back from their success and their potential is number one, I think that in the second piece of that would be you know, they're stepping on their own toes because they're so convinced that what they know or what, they don't know determines Like, how they move or what's possible for them?

11:32 Your potential is something that you can't fully see yourself, because you're in yourself and we don't, I believe that. I have things that are untouched. You have things that are untouched and in order to actually be able to see and uncover that potential it requires, it being a collaborative effort. So, I think that there's, you know, the gap of still being a little behind in that. Like, let's wait till it's broken to fix it. I think there is the gap. Of us believing that our goals are, our potential are things that we can fully see right now. And I also think that there is a gap in us, as women still being so independent and determined to follow other Pathways versus creating our own.

12:21 And that is huge gap, is that we feel like well they've there is a path for me to follow and that is how how it's been done. And so I will follow that versus believing in yourself enough to create your own path to forge your own path. To say this is new and I haven't seen it done before. But let me try, let me see what happens if I put myself in this experience. Brilliant, really. I almost liken it to the situation where it's somebody hasn't hit rock bottom. And we don't wish that on anyone. But there are improvements in relationships, or in your success and things that are going on in your life, that Every single day, the hope and the goal is for you to be continuously curious and continuously improving yourself. So that tomorrow is a better day than yesterday and when people get into a situation where there is a numbing or There is almost like this functioning addiction, if you will, and they don't perceive that, anything is really wrong, like they're keeping their lives together.

13:18 So what's the harm? It's that they're not even recognizing that little by little things are getting worse when they could be getting. We should be getting better. And I think that that's the part that is so difficult. For people to see in themselves without and what happens is, I think that the reminders just seemed like nagging when other people are trying to say, Hey, you know, maybe this isn't quite so great for you. Then they're like yeah I'm actually doing fine. Thank you very much in mind your own business, right? No. Yeah I'm just curious. What is that ultimately will break through to somebody and say, you know what? This is actually a really good thing. Perhaps There's A Better Way, perhaps, there's things that you can be doing that are healthier and not as you know, destructive. Yeah.

13:59 The belief that you're actually worthy of having that hmm because for so many people it's when it comes to self-sabotage self-destruction even if it's subconsciously you don't even recognize that you're doing it. It is because there is some sort of belief that you're holding that. You're not deserving of anything better, you know. This is why women hold themselves back financially. It's like again, that ingrained feeling of like, I can only have this much, you know, I can only be like this. Is my this is my capacity whether that's For Love or for wealth, or for clients or whatever it is like you shortchanging yourself because you have the belief that more is greedy and you have enough, and that's why so many people wait until something's broken to fix it.

14:46 That's why so many people, you know, are holding themselves back from having more because they're like well I have enough. A lot of my clients are very externally successful, very successful businesses. And yet, they still find, there's this like nagging feeling, like you said of like, something's going on here. And it's like they're lacking balance in their lives. They're not, truly fulfilled by their work or their relationships and there's always something like you said that that we can do to improve and that's why coaches have coaches. That's why therapists have therapists, like, it's so important to be connected to other people and just hear the different perspectives and be ask, the hard questions, you know.

15:29 Mmm. Yeah. Previously in my life I think that everybody would agree when I would say yes I was a workaholic and it was just this constant striving and ambition and competitiveness to get ahead and though I had a certain amount of success in my life, you know, financially and then career-wise, I wouldn't necessarily say that I felt fulfilled. I felt like I was kind of on this autopilot that I was doing it to just almost get to this external level of success. Of what is By that. And certainly, I got to a breaking point. I got to a place of burnout for many different reasons, and I had to step back from that and be like, you know what? It's okay, and I really learned to prioritize happiness. It looks different.

16:12 It feels extremely different everyday is like, so a, but like the abundance. I feel in every single day now of just being able to breathe and see nature and it's just like, I feel so completely different. But it is the balance of how, you know, to manage getting into a place where You feel that you're financially being fulfilled as well as feeling like you're completely happy with how you are operating your life without getting to a place of burnout or you know, mental unwellness if you will. Yeah. Finding that balance I think is probably one of our greatest challenges that we have is people is like how can I check all of the boxes? And like, that's one thing that I've really devoted myself to is like living and being the constant reminder to women that like you can have it all. You know, I was unwilling to You sacrifice my ambition, and my purpose through my business to be a mom, but I was also unwilling to sacrifice being a mom for my business. So I've always built and I teach my clients to build their businesses around their light, build your career, around your life, build, you know what you want. Has to come first prioritizing yourself and your fulfillment. And if you do that from the foundation, if your foundation is built on your happiness, like you said, in like prioritizing, That then you do do the things differently, you set different boundaries you say, no, two different things and those are like the key little shifts that people have to make to where it's like, wow, I can breathe.

17:40 I do have space. Like, I am showing up fully more energetically aligned in my work. And I'm also able to be present with the people that I love, and I think that is true, true Freedom. Right? Is being able to live in like, move throughout your day to where you're like I can make the choice. Like, what is my intention in this room? How do I want to show up in this room? Where am I? Am I fully present without like anxiety and fear and doubt and your to-do list following you into every room that you entered. So, yeah, and you talk about creating long-term sustainability and success and I really think that that comes down to it. Like, if you are operating at a place that is not sustainable.

18:21 Like, you're constantly on the go, you're not getting enough sleep. You're not taking care of yourself physically, and you're emotionally, a relationship. Start going by the wayside because you're so focused. Ston work or contrarily if you think about yourself as being like, okay, well, I'm just going to sit back on my Laurels and I am enough. A lot of people nowadays are saying, yes I am enough, but does that mean that you're just, that's it. You're not going to get anymore or that you're not deserving of any more like to me. That's a little bit of a strange thing to say is like I am enough the way that I am and then it's like that's it. I'm done. I'm enough you know so I think that there's a healthy balance somewhere in between right. Yes. And I love that you brought this up because one of the things I say Very, very often is that contentment can live in the same room as more meaning that you don't have to. Like, just like, you don't have to wait till it's broken to fix it.

19:09 You don't have to not have enough to want more, and you don't just because you want more doesn't mean you're not satisfied with what you have. And I think that's the thing that's it's that uncomfortable gray area, right? Like, it's the All or Nothing, we love quick fixes, we love, you know, fastest, we love speed. We love Quantum, leaps, all this stuff. And it's like you said that people are so attracted to these extremes. And it's like in business, people are like, oh you need to run a feminine, a laid-back, a flowy business. And I'm like well, that doesn't work because you also need structure and strategy and then people go to the other end to where they're burning themselves out and filling their calendars because they're like, I'm making moves, I'm doing the things I'm like, the answer is in the gray.

19:51 It's always in the gray, in the balance. Yeah, yeah, I liken it to being satisfied with where you are, but eager for more, Like there's always this curiosity and this enthusiasm for more in your life, it doesn't mean to your point that you are not enough. It doesn't mean that you should just sit back and say, you know what, I'm done and I don't need to do anything because you know the universe is going to bring it to me when you need to take inspired action towards the goals and the things that you want to have. Yes, yes, yes. And I think it's also like I hold the belief that like we are humans and we are evolved and evolution means growth, like if we're not pouring into us in some sort of aspect and it doesn't always mean, you know, a lot of like my business owners are so solely focused on business growth. That sometimes in our coaching, I'm like we need to actually focus on pouring back into like your health or let's pour back into like these other buckets of fun and play because it's so off-kilter.

20:52 So I think you know there's space for having it all and you know you have to find your balance but there Is no point in, which we just are supposed to stop growing. Exactly. Now, you also talk about communication and effective leadership inside and outside the business. And I know that your clientele is primarily females CEOs, business owners, entrepreneurs. And so what are some of the things that you are finding that can be helpful for them to be able to either communicate boundaries or to be able to establish a, a point of view for their company effectively. Like I I will say that as a leader, whether you have a team of one or whether you are a mom, and your leadership is being a leader to your children.

21:39 I have the belief that like we're all leaders, somebody's watching us. And as a leader, the most important skill that you can have is communication being able to communicate. Clearly is how you communicate effectively. Because so often women are like, well, I'm not getting what I want, or I'm not getting what I need and I'm like, are you asking for Are you clearly stating? This is what I need. So when I'm talking to business owners and we're talking about their teams, it's like, are you giving them the details of what you need and when you need it and how you need it and are you doing the same and your relationships? You know, so many people are with partners and they're not being fulfilled, for whatever reasons, are you asking for it, you know, and that's, you know, if we can take accountability for what's ours and say, okay, well I'm actually not being clear about what I want. I'm Holding unrealistic expectations for this person on the other side and they don't have any idea of what I actually need because I'm not telling them. So I think, you know, as Leaders we need Clarity, we need to be really really clear about what we are and what we want and what's important to us because the more clear we are on the back end, the more clear we can be on the front end to people that we come in contact with whether that's inside or outside the business.

22:54 So my client and communicating effectively is about them getting that Clarity. So that They can go and communicate that to the people inside and outside the business. That's so true. And I've been guilty of it myself, not that I'm guilting myself. But I recall there would be many occasions where I would think to myself. Well, that person should know what I want. If they Veer a or if they were really an exceptional employee, like, they should know. They should have the talent. They should have the foresight to know what I want but then Anna. No, it doesn't work that way. Yeah. Yeah. And there's a difference in clear and Ineffective, communication and micromanaging to it's different. When you give your people space to do, what is their zone of Genius?

23:37 What they're, you know what? They're on the team to do or in the partnership to do, but we have to pay attention to our words and this is the part of growth is that we come from, you know, the generations before us. Like we were not taught to communicate, not about feelings, not about and people there's this weird gray area to wear one of my CEOs. She's like, you know, we talk about like feelings and there and I'm like Absolutely, you do. Absolutely because the more that you can bring those, you know, I'm not saying that you need to be best friends with everybody and your whole team. But like, when you have people that work for you, if you care for them, they care for you and care and relationships are built by you being there and you asking those tough questions, and you asking about where they see themselves in the company or whatever it is and like, what's going on, what's going on outside of work. And so I think a lot of leadership can be Expanded upon or done better by just thinking about it more from a human to human connection.

24:36 Exactly. You also talk about rewriting The Narrative to show of authentically. Can you share what you mean by that? Yeah, so I think that authenticity is like one of those words that were like, oh yes, like it's a buzzword. Everybody shows up, you know, authentically and it's like every single person that I know when I start working with my clients and they feel like okay I am my authentic self. I'm like, okay, let's go back this layer. Okay, let's peel back this layer. So I think, you know, rewriting authenticity to like what is your truth? What is not the truth that you feel like you need to show up for or you feel like, you know, it's almost like vulnerability became like performance art to where it's like, okay, I'm going to tell this story because I know that will attract people and that will get me business or that will get me attention. Like, so when I think about authenticity and like, really being your true self, it It's about removing the filters. It's about really taking away the performance aspect of it and really focusing on.

25:37 Can you just be yourself regardless of what your title is, regardless of what your purpose is regardless of what kind of room you're in? Can you just be yourself or does that make you uncomfortable? Because if there's discomfort there, that's what needs to be addressed. Because, for most people, I was just talking to a client and she's like, well, I kind of change what I say based upon like who I'm speaking to like if it's somebody like higher up in the organization, Like there's still those pieces so I think authenticity. Most people are like one being myself but I'm like what version of yourself. Mmm. And so let's talk a little bit more about that because I think that that might be a little confusing. And I'd love to get more clarity around that because certainly we are multifaceted human beings.

26:17 And so when we step into, you know, a situation with our kids, we're not going to use the same tone as we are with CEO of a company or, you know, a client. And so, when you say, well, I take a certain tone. And is that wrong? Or is that correct? Is that perceived as being inauthentic or what is it? That we feel is, you know, truly the way that we can show up as ourselves and still relate very well to who we are communicating to. So that the message is received. Mmm. Yeah, the key is like you said, you're going to be. I speak differently to my children than I speak right now, obviously? Right? So it's not necessarily about the tone. It's about the core it's about you being at the core, the same person Not necessarily putting on like, oh I need to be.

27:03 I'm not as confident. If I walk into this room. I'm afraid when I walk into this room, I think of it. Physically, like, when you're in the situation, you feel like the lump and your the back of your throat. That is a filter that is fear. There is some sort of message and you that's being applied in the stomach. It can happen. Sadly. And number and a number of ways. Yes, yes, exactly. And so I think that there's it's important to be able to recognize that in our our bodies and feel into that and breathe into that of like, is this, you know, is this an emotion or is this truly me filtering something because that's what will come next for people is that will feel like that excitement or that fear, or that need to be a certain way.

27:45 And then it's like, oh now I have to change the way that I word things now I have to make sure I don't speak about that part. So like, for me to give you a specific example, you know, I have a different tone regardless of where I'm speaking or if I'm talking to the kids or whatever. But at Mike, Or I am so okay, with my history, what I went through, I've really shame, I really judgment and so I don't need. I'm so unafraid of, I could walk into any room, it regardless of somebody's income level their title, whatever and be myself and say, yes, that was my history. That was my past. This is who I am now. And so, while the tone may change, the core doesn't mmm. So for some people, it might be breaking through the discomfort. Effort of feeling shame or feeling that they are not able to necessarily release that trauma, like, it will be constantly bringing it back up, you know, triggers certain things.

28:39 And so that is perhaps the deeper healing that needs to happen in order for them to truly feel that they can express themselves fully. Otherwise, they might be hiding or there might be this duplicity that starts to evolve out in trying to Showcase a certain base or filter as you say with, you know, anybody that they're coming in contact with. That's exactly it. Yeah, that's Exactly. It is, it's not again. We're multifaceted. And so we are different people, but it's all the same person. So, what we have to be really cognizant of is, what are you changing about the actual person? That's what I mean about the war. Hmm. Brilliant. And so, you are a life coach, how can people work with you? How do they find you? And what do you offer?

29:19 Yeah, so I have a couple of different options. It's very interesting because I am so weird about titles. It's like, there's business coaching, there's life coaching, but truly, Lee I've worked with women all over the world for 11 years now and different Industries. And the best place to find me is on Instagram. That's you know my home place and usually you can just DM me on there and have a conversation. I love talking to people. I love getting to know people. I love helping women, you know, break through barriers and really free themselves. So they can create, you know, their true potential and step into the power that's actually meant for them because that's what holds us back from living our purposes. We just make our Ourselves smaller. So yeah, that's where I hang amazing. Ladies and gentlemen, this is tell seek Henry, please look her up on Instagram.

30:06 I'll put all of her information in the show notes that you can find her Kelsey. Thank you so much for being a role models guest today. Thank you so much for having me.