Episode 2: Ana Melikian, PhD - Being Gentle With Yourself

0:00 Hello, beautiful humans. I'm so glad to have you here again today. And today, I want to introduce you to a very special guest. This is the lovely animal Egan who I met recently and just had to share her with you because she cannot be kept to herself. She is a person that must be shared. And so the thing that I want to tell you about Anna to start out with is that she is a self-professed Optimist, but she wasn't always that way, Anna. Believe it or not had to overcome not one, but two bouts with cancer and she came out stronger on the other side.

0:48 And so that's why she's such an inspiration to me. And I wanted her to be able to meet with you and tell you about her own personal journey, and it is also the director of education for book. Solid. She's a board certified coach, she's a member of the IFC, which is the international coach Federation, and she's also the host of her own podcast called the mindset Zone. The thing that I love about Anna is that she really speaks about happiness and what it takes to not pursue happiness, but to be happy from the inside, welcome to the human Beauty movement. And I'm so happy to have you here. So, happy to be here. First off, why don't we tell?

1:29 Tell everybody who's watching today, a little bit about you, you grew up in Portugal, I understand that's where that sexy accent comes from. Yes, Greg thought was born and raised in Portugal and I soon as I called it was in my late teens, I start to travel, and to study abroad. So I study in England, I studied in Spain and now I live in Phoenix Arizona, wonderful. Wonderful. Tell us about your Wellness Journey. Like, Were you were you following along a specific path until your adulthood? And then, you know what shifted for you as far as what you would consider Wellness, whether that be physically or mentally, or from a soul perspective, I was lucky to be born and raised in Portugal in a household, middle-class, very stable. With homemade food all the time.

2:25 A lot of fish, my grandfather was a fisherman. So I had a very Very good at bringing in many different ways, including the wellness, both physical, and psychological. And the, in even when I was by myself and by my own in terms of food them in terms of exercise, not data was perfect, of course. But I always strive to eat the best and the organic and cooking organizing myself to be able to cook mainly after I had my daughter, And exercising, too. I always realize the importance that we have to take care of ourselves.

3:09 That doesn't mean that I didn't abuse my limit. Do you smell bad? Because mainly after Yeah, in our my teens and I young adult would, but there and then the body can deal. I think better with that, but on Honestly after I add my dog perm, I really one of the things that I absolutely did the lack of sleep, sometimes we are lucky to have a baby that is wonderful in the evening and everything is roses. At that level somebody will have other challenges. I possibly the first year.

3:51 I didn't slap well when and then I got into the rhythm of pushing my limits at that level. And I was sleeping less than five hours at night if I have to think about 13 GE because things like cancer and that the illness out there. Like my oncologist told me there is not one reason there is not their cows but if every time that I reply my life circumstances and we know they're genetically, we did some studies that I don't have any of the known ones. If there is one thing that I think Sigurd attended. What happened for me was the stress and the lack of sleep.

4:36 Very, very common, just for a variety of reasons. It could be because you're a new mom, it could be because of stresses of work or just relationship or us just being so hard on ourselves, right? We always want to see what we can do to get to that next level. And that pushes us at motivates us to just probably, you know, do more with our bodies and and, you know, then Then we should in any given amount of time and so yeah, valuing rest, I think is really coming much more to the Forefront is like a key pillar of wellness and one that I think a lot of us had taken for granted before. And another thing I'll do say of they're pushing was to push and culture.

5:18 I can push a little bit more and the artwork kind of I deserve success only if I work really, really hard and I'm getting things happening. So I have to keep pushing and I can do being a man. Mom and also having my own business. I love to give help but I hate to ask for help. Yeah, so all those Dynamics and even things that I don't like regret because I think we only can change the future, but things that I say really and I could have been a little bit more clever Idol. I, I felt something in my breast was not the typical bumper, was because the type of cancer that I add this call inflammatory breast. Cancer.

6:00 So it's like an inflammation like a must do. So was not the typical thing that you expect that cancer to be. So I thought that I delay, I didn't immediately, when I notice went to my gynecologist, I delay until was convenient. They at was break the winter break of my daughter. That okay. Now I have time to look at myself and that when I look back is 0, Okay. That was not very clever of my part and that was very lucky even like they actually say, the doctor says that, that didn't because the type of cancer is very aggressive. So we'll, they're not that than a big difference but even all this a for everybody if you notice something do something, don't we regret more?

6:54 What we don't do than what we do. So yeah. Do you think that it might have been a bit? Denial or Shear inconvenience. This is like yeah all of them. There was the the inconvenience it's not convenient now to stop everything they're time juggling because the balls can drop how can wait until and there was a denial, I exercise, I ate healthy. I was very I was feet feeling energy that I could take on the world. So the thought of me having cancer was not know there. That will not happen to me and because was not the typical kind of lump that we are alert for.

7:38 If you feel that then do that because was a little bit different, I managed to rationalize our. Okay, the body will take care of it. Once you get a diagnosis like that, what what goes through your head? What runs through your mind? How are you feeling? No, it's really when people speak about and it's not just cancer. There are the city. Situations that I think people described in the same way and I was not just the description always living at the things. Slow down suddenly force a cartoon, like a big thing bump in the head and we are like reorienting, ourselves and everything becomes almost in slow motion. And there is a numbness of the situation. We cannot believe really but it's really true. Are we dreaming?

8:27 Are we awake? That is All these different things going on. And then first, I went to my gynecologist and she could not see me was the practitioner nurse, and when she saw us, you know, that something serious was and I saw her face. Getting white babies is not good and they didn't. I, they didn't let me leave the building without me to have an appointment with a breast surgeon. They act specializes in many types of these situations. In a couple of days later to go and that is when things start to realize what is going on. But then you have exam after exam, you have to find an oncologist, we have to find the radiologist you have to try to understand what is going on. So they are so overload of information of things. This is strange feeling and I have the full support of my husband.

9:22 Now, I was lucky enough that I had, that has been that was there in my sights, helping me, the family that was Helping me with my daughter and all of that. So because they are people that are not so lucky to have a network of support. I have an health insurance, I cannot I absolutely, I cannot think about the situation. If I didn't add a good health insurance, how cool. All this side? Because when you start even with coupet and we have to keep a record of everything. Whoa, it is scary. How much everything's out up? So it's absolutely Crazy. But my mindset that the time when that happened was okay, this is a big challenge.

10:06 But I can I really can beat this. I can I will, let's focus let's and they gave me a plan, there is hope. So let's do it. When is the next step? And I'm years to do it. So I really got my, the fighter inside me to do it and I brave to the treatments and all of that. And at the same, I'm I was feeding some resentment towards my body I felt betrayed by my body. Hmm. How I treat you reasonably. Well why do you do this to me? I know that I was not perfect in the way that with our seen that this Association.

10:49 I was like, oh, come on. Wow, I don't deserve this. Why is this happening to me? But I was feeling there was negative feelings. Towards my body. How can it's almost the extreme dissociation of our head from the body. How can you do this to me? So it was interesting was, but I came in the other side, after all, the treatments, all the surgeries everything, because it takes a toll in so many levels. I use the expression that I really held my breath. Like, when we are in a tough situation, we can survive this. We can do this, like, Gather all our strength to do this and two years later when I was really going back to relax, enjoying my glass of wine with my talk left and all those beautiful things we are in Portugal, then we came back and I had my regular mammogram for the other breast.

11:52 I went there. This is thinking is a regular one because cannot happen again, that kind of thought is like no No, this was once I did everything I was doing and then the technician she goes out. It's better. If we do also do through sound but you still discount that and then when the doctor comes in and say, okay what is going on here? I was a different type of cancer and more common type of cancer, but was like, again, another like that, you are even not being as dangerous as the first cancer, because the first one was stage 3B.

12:35 So the first one or the say, it was really scary at many levels in the second. One thing, God was not at that level, but was more psychologically. There is Something else that I have to learn here. One of the big differences that I took the second time around. Is that first? I okay. I don't know if there is a tomorrow that was the first time I think I didn't. I even that thinking about that possibility but the second time we don't know what is going to happen. So I have they're looking to that fatal. The limitations our mortality was very strong the Second time. I cannot just hold my breath and do it again. I have to face this.

13:23 I realize how lucky I was that. My body was strong enough to handle all the treatments again and I really start to embrace, yes, the cancer came and all of that. But whoa, I'm strong enough to get another round of chemo and come in one piece in the other side and managed to keep the schedule. Let's treat the night. Our to do keto diet, that really helped me a lot. I went to the conventional treatment, but I did all that the things even more. The second round to give me the better chances and try to enjoy. Absolutely, the little things.

14:04 And that was a big shift was the second time that my I use a lot of mindset work and visualisations and stuff in the first time that this shift in terms of Of my actitud towards life changed a lot when I went in the second time. Amazing, do you think that it was a gradual process or was there just a moment when you knew you were like, you know what this is a blessing or you know that the way that you look at something can be can either bury you or it can raise you up, right? Absolutely. Hmm. I think was not just one moment, they are moments and then is the globalization of this.

14:47 Moments and there wasn't nothing to change that. I cannot pinpoint. Okay, this happen and they are, you was okay. How do I deal with it all the dealing with the situation? Yes, I learned from it. Yes. I'm a better person now then I feel better with myself so many levels. I still cannot say that it's a blessing. It's part of life. I see it more step and it's not I don't have - I managed to be nailed through all about mmm. Yes, when it happens these things and My Philosophy was always what is the best that I can take out of the situation. So I really Embrace that about the situation Stefan.

15:29 They say, it's not something that I ever wish to anybody else or we can learn. There are always I my message out there when I speak about positivity and the power of death happiness, doesn't need to be this, the nation. A penis is really a choice that we doing the Today by focus on small stuff, we don't need to go over this life-threatening situations to learn that my big thing. Okay. Listen to our voices because our internal voice is there for a long time, trying to call our attention to be more whole and to grow. And I listened to some of it, but I also ignore other parts of it and I think if we help people just to be more aware of their inner wisdom, let me through. Transformational without having to way of this kind of big live events for us to grow.

16:23 I think there are some real interesting nuggets. One of them is the non judgmental - of any situation, the idea of not going to label it. Good I'm not going to label it bad. I'm not going to leave a little lesson. I'm not going to label it a curse, it just is and we move on because then you're not necessarily associated with such emotion with that tie which will then hold you back. It's just this is part of Life is a fact of life, and of course, when you're when you first face with it, it's, you know, inevitably shocking. But once you get over that and you realize the only way to move forward is to move forward. I can't stay stagnant here. I've got to carry on and the other interesting thing that you mentioned is that it's those small things. It's not like the Skies part and the Seas you know it right? You know.

17:09 It's not like this Grand. Aha. Like I think a lot of people think that these mindset conclusions are that just hit? You over the head and all of a sudden, you become a new person because of some kind of gravity or some something that happened in your life. It's just these little micro moments, and these micro choices along the way about, how can I make the best of us, how can I be the better for it? How can I handle this? So that it's positive. And those are the things that get you through it. Those little choices, every single moment of every single day, I could not agree, more Small Things, even after you go through any, even sometimes can be just a scare. Of the going to drive. And there is a situation that scares us and we realize how lucky I was. And then when we go orchids and oh gosh, I had this chance to ask them again the or when we look to something with a fresh eyes small details.

18:03 And when we allow ourselves to smell the roses and paste of our coffee, we like coffee or tea, but the small stuff. Mmm. That's beautiful. And so afterwards. Do you think that there was a A change in how you want to live your life or are you, are you saying like now, you know, these things happened. Obviously, you've said that you've changed your diet and your, do you doing other things that could contribute to more Wellness in the future. But notwithstanding anything can happen. We all know this, there was a big change personal development was always, an important thing in my life. So absolutely. I embrace that even more that I really start to learn from Performance and for my performers about how the be very strategic about the use of the time and the our energy levels, I start to realize that we can achieve a lot be more in this instead of being the push push push.

19:03 We'll be learning out to find the flow, how to be in that zone, but I kept things going, they are say, how can you keep that going? I'm learning how to do this in a different way and And after with the second one was more, I had learned of lots of the out, how to do it in the, in the first goal and out to become more efficient. And all of that, the second way around, was more digging in my why, and the purpose, maybe that was. Cause I had start with the tools. I have better tools then to really not keep delaying to the Future. Okay.

19:45 When I have time, I will do that. Now is the time to do that. That's fascinating to I'm, and I'm going to go and build off of something that you had said before. Which was, you know, when you were all of a sudden faced with something dire, there's this resentment. And there's this, you know, this either egg, some people get angry, some people get sad upset, just like there's just, there's a whole gamut of emotions that that go on about that. But what I think that a lot of people wish to do is to be able to heal from the feelings of resentment. Like how can they not resent their own bodies, whether they are well, whether they are not? Well, there's a lot of people that resent the package that they have been brought into this world. What do you think are some mindset tips that people can abide by that can help to release those kinds of tensions that kind of Anguish?

20:42 For me, personally, was really embracing the mindset shift, not tissue, An inflexible thing, but realizing that I am I bought in my body's me. Even if we believe that after we pass of this existence, there is something else at the moment. We are this, hmm? And if we are in this miracle, whatever I do, you want to Define is absolutely even in a, rational, not taste as to recognize that this being a human being, is that is capable of Of think in the way that we think and try to grasp the mysteries of the universe is something very peculiar unique and extraordinary on so many different levels. So there is something really incredible in all human beings where we are at the moment, we are at the moment. The body is part of the the package and we cannot, this is associate one to the other.

21:41 So we don't choose how we can, but we can take care of our Temple. So, Speak course in terms of systems and Society we allow building a culture and a society that the sets diversity of every kind from color to shape two different ways of expressing ourselves ayat. For me, my wife, I was learning how to love myself as I am loving ourselves and accepting us. We are doesn't mean that we cannot Thrive to improve. I think there is a Dance between these two things. And we really have to get a enjoying that I like in it as to being satisfied with, who you are, and where you are.

22:26 But eager for more, eager for that growth. Looking forward to an exciting for what's yet to come and that Journey, it's interesting because when you were saying there is this mindset that we have as humans that, you know, because we're so busy, we have jobs, we have families. There's so much going on that we have to do that. Seem to delay our gratification, we do we delay, our happiness, or we we postpone it and put it into some mysterious future and say, I'll be happy when it's the weekends, I'll be happy. When I make that money, I'll be happy when I get their promotion, or when I retire or when I whatever it can be. We're delaying our own happiness. Well, wouldn't it be better to live as if you are, happy every single moment now. You know, I think that it's funny because I often think like that when we were young time, you saw almost danced till it was almost Almost like a day or so long, a week was forever every waiting for the next Christmas was like torture. You know, it's like but now that we're adults were constantly pre-planning with one year five-year ten-year plans. It's like we forget what year were in. We forget what, you know, what day it is the week, and we forget to be happy in this moment and look around and really just breathe and slow down and release that stress and and know that everything is really okay and that no matter what comes your way.

23:47 A, you know, absolutely. And there was a lesson because even when things are tough, because I still remember the small small stuff of, for instance, the food really taste like Caillou losses, you lose the taste and the smell and all these cardboard kind of thing, but you still have to feed yourself and Visually I still could see. So I pay what climb. Make it to look nice. The table. The colors. I love the food, small stuff that make us even when we are in pain or cake when we are in pain, we have to find ways of and minaret death, but afterwards, he says, when we get up on the infield a little bit better.

24:34 Oh, I'm feeling better. That is great. Really pay attention to the small stuff. There's your beautiful words are there any other parting thoughts any mantras or affirmations or quotes that You have as your favorites that you would want to share, be gentle with yourself, whatever you are. Whatever is your life story, whatever the circumstances, and the challenges, be gentle with yourself, beautiful, beautiful words, and Malik. And it was so lovely to speak to you today. Thank you so much for joining us on the human Beauty movement.