Episode 2: Ana Melikian, PhD - Being Gentle With Yourself

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Hello, beautiful humans.
I'm so glad to have you here

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again today.
And today, I want to introduce

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you to a very special guest.
This is the lovely animal Egan

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who I met recently and just had
to share her with you because

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she cannot be kept to herself.
She is a person that must be

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shared.
And so the thing that I want to

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tell you about Anna to start out
with is that she is a

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self-professed Optimist, but she
wasn't always that way, Anna.

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Believe it or not had to
overcome not one, but two bouts

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with cancer and she came out
stronger on the other side.

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And so that's why she's such an
inspiration to me.

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And I wanted her to be able to
meet with you and tell you about

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her own personal journey, and it
is also the director of

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education for book.
Solid.

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She's a board certified coach,
she's a member of the IFC, which

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is the international coach
Federation, and she's also the

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host of her own podcast called
the mindset Zone.

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The thing that I love about Anna
is that she really speaks about

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happiness and what it takes to
not pursue happiness, but to be

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happy from the inside, welcome
to the human Beauty movement.

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And I'm so happy to have you
here.

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So, happy to be here.
First off, why don't we tell?

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Tell everybody who's watching
today, a little bit about you,

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you grew up in Portugal, I
understand that's where that

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sexy accent comes from.
Yes, Greg thought was born and

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raised in Portugal and I soon as
I called it was in my late

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teens, I start to travel, and to
study abroad.

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So I study in England, I studied
in Spain and now I live in

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Phoenix Arizona, wonderful.
Wonderful.

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Tell us about your Wellness
Journey.

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Like, Were you were you
following along a specific path

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until your adulthood?
And then, you know what shifted

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for you as far as what you would
consider Wellness, whether that

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be physically or mentally, or
from a soul perspective, I was

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lucky to be born and raised in
Portugal in a household,

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middle-class, very stable.
With homemade food all the time.

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A lot of fish, my grandfather
was a fisherman.

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So I had a very Very good at
bringing in many different ways,

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including the wellness, both
physical, and psychological.

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And the, in even when I was by
myself and by my own in terms of

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food them in terms of exercise,
not data was perfect, of course.

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But I always strive to eat the
best and the organic and cooking

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organizing myself to be able to
cook mainly after I had my

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daughter, And exercising, too.
I always realize the importance

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that we have to take care of
ourselves.

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That doesn't mean that I didn't
abuse my limit.

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Do you smell bad?
Because mainly after Yeah, in

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our my teens and I young adult
would, but there and then the

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body can deal.
I think better with that, but on

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Honestly after I add my dog
perm, I really one of the things

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that I absolutely did the lack
of sleep, sometimes we are lucky

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to have a baby that is wonderful
in the evening and everything is

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roses.
At that level somebody will have

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other challenges.
I possibly the first year.

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I didn't slap well when and then
I got into the rhythm of pushing

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my limits at that level.
And I was sleeping less than

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five hours at night if I have to
think about 13 GE because things

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like cancer and that the illness
out there.

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Like my oncologist told me there
is not one reason there is not

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their cows but if every time
that I reply my life

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circumstances and we know
they're genetically, we did some

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studies that I don't have any of
the known ones.

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If there is one thing that I
think Sigurd attended.

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What happened for me was the
stress and the lack of sleep.

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Very, very common, just for a
variety of reasons.

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It could be because you're a new
mom, it could be because of

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stresses of work or just
relationship or us just being so

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hard on ourselves, right?
We always want to see what we

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can do to get to that next
level.

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And that pushes us at motivates
us to just probably, you know,

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do more with our bodies and and,
you know, then Then we should in

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any given amount of time and so
yeah, valuing rest, I think is

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really coming much more to the
Forefront is like a key pillar

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of wellness and one that I think
a lot of us had taken for

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granted before.
And another thing I'll do say of

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they're pushing was to push and
culture.

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I can push a little bit more and
the artwork kind of I deserve

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success only if I work really,
really hard and I'm getting

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things happening.
So I have to keep pushing and I

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can do being a man.
Mom and also having my own

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business.
I love to give help but I hate

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to ask for help.
Yeah, so all those Dynamics and

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even things that I don't like
regret because I think we only

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can change the future, but
things that I say really and I

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could have been a little bit
more clever Idol.

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I, I felt something in my breast
was not the typical bumper, was

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because the type of cancer that
I add this call inflammatory

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breast.
Cancer.

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So it's like an inflammation
like a must do.

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So was not the typical thing
that you expect that cancer to

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be.
So I thought that I delay, I

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didn't immediately, when I
notice went to my gynecologist,

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I delay until was convenient.
They at was break the winter

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break of my daughter.
That okay.

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Now I have time to look at
myself and that when I look back

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is 0, Okay.
That was not very clever of my

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part and that was very lucky
even like they actually say, the

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doctor says that, that didn't
because the type of cancer is

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very aggressive.
So we'll, they're not that than

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a big difference but even all
this a for everybody if you

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notice something do something,
don't we regret more?

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What we don't do than what we
do.

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So yeah.
Do you think that it might have

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been a bit?
Denial or Shear inconvenience.

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This is like yeah all of them.
There was the the inconvenience

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it's not convenient now to stop
everything they're time juggling

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because the balls can drop how
can wait until and there was a

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denial, I exercise, I ate
healthy.

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I was very I was feet feeling
energy that I could take on the

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world.
So the thought of me having

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cancer was not know there.
That will not happen to me and

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because was not the typical kind
of lump that we are alert for.

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If you feel that then do that
because was a little bit

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different, I managed to
rationalize our.

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Okay, the body will take care of
it.

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Once you get a diagnosis like
that, what what goes through

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your head?
What runs through your mind?

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How are you feeling?
No, it's really when people

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speak about and it's not just
cancer.

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There are the city.
Situations that I think people

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described in the same way and I
was not just the description

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always living at the things.
Slow down suddenly force a

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cartoon, like a big thing bump
in the head and we are like

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reorienting, ourselves and
everything becomes almost in

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slow motion.
And there is a numbness of the

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situation.
We cannot believe really but

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it's really true.
Are we dreaming?

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Are we awake?
That is All these different

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things going on.
And then first, I went to my

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gynecologist and she could not
see me was the practitioner

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nurse, and when she saw us, you
know, that something serious was

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and I saw her face.
Getting white babies is not good

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and they didn't.
I, they didn't let me leave the

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building without me to have an
appointment with a breast

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surgeon.
They act specializes in many

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types of these situations.
In a couple of days later to go

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and that is when things start to
realize what is going on.

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But then you have exam after
exam, you have to find an

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oncologist, we have to find the
radiologist you have to try to

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understand what is going on.
So they are so overload of

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information of things.
This is strange feeling and I

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have the full support of my
husband.

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Now, I was lucky enough that I
had, that has been that was

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there in my sights, helping me,
the family that was Helping me

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with my daughter and all of
that.

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So because they are people that
are not so lucky to have a

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network of support.
I have an health insurance, I

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cannot I absolutely, I cannot
think about the situation.

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If I didn't add a good health
insurance, how cool.

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All this side?
Because when you start even with

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coupet and we have to keep a
record of everything.

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Whoa, it is scary.
How much everything's out up?

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So it's absolutely Crazy.
But my mindset that the time

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when that happened was okay,
this is a big challenge.

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But I can I really can beat
this.

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I can I will, let's focus let's
and they gave me a plan, there

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is hope.
So let's do it.

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When is the next step?
And I'm years to do it.

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So I really got my, the fighter
inside me to do it and I brave

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to the treatments and all of
that.

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And at the same, I'm I was
feeding some resentment towards

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my body I felt betrayed by my
body.

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Hmm.
How I treat you reasonably.

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Well why do you do this to me?
I know that I was not perfect in

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the way that with our seen that
this Association.

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I was like, oh, come on.
Wow, I don't deserve this.

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Why is this happening to me?
But I was feeling there was

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negative feelings.
Towards my body.

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How can it's almost the extreme
dissociation of our head from

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the body.
How can you do this to me?

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So it was interesting was, but I
came in the other side, after

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all, the treatments, all the
surgeries everything, because it

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takes a toll in so many levels.
I use the expression that I

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really held my breath.
Like, when we are in a tough

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situation, we can survive this.
We can do this, like, Gather all

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our strength to do this and two
years later when I was really

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going back to relax, enjoying my
glass of wine with my talk left

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and all those beautiful things
we are in Portugal, then we came

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back and I had my regular
mammogram for the other breast.

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I went there.
This is thinking is a regular

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one because cannot happen again,
that kind of thought is like no

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No, this was once I did
everything I was doing and then

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the technician she goes out.
It's better.

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If we do also do through sound
but you still discount that and

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then when the doctor comes in
and say, okay what is going on

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here?
I was a different type of cancer

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and more common type of cancer,
but was like, again, another

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like that, you are even not
being as dangerous as the first

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cancer, because the first one
was stage 3B.

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So the first one or the say, it
was really scary at many levels

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in the second.
One thing, God was not at that

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level, but was more
psychologically.

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There is Something else that I
have to learn here.

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One of the big differences that
I took the second time around.

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Is that first?
I okay.

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I don't know if there is a
tomorrow that was the first time

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I think I didn't.
I even that thinking about that

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possibility but the second time
we don't know what is going to

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happen.
So I have they're looking to

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that fatal.
The limitations our mortality

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was very strong the Second time.
I cannot just hold my breath and

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do it again.
I have to face this.

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I realize how lucky I was that.
My body was strong enough to

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handle all the treatments again
and I really start to embrace,

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yes, the cancer came and all of
that.

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But whoa, I'm strong enough to
get another round of chemo and

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come in one piece in the other
side and managed to keep the

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schedule.
Let's treat the night.

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Our to do keto diet, that really
helped me a lot.

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I went to the conventional
treatment, but I did all that

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the things even more.
The second round to give me the

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better chances and try to enjoy.
Absolutely, the little things.

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And that was a big shift was the
second time that my I use a lot

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of mindset work and
visualisations and stuff in the

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first time that this shift in
terms of Of my actitud towards

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life changed a lot when I went
in the second time.

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Amazing, do you think that it
was a gradual process or was

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there just a moment when you
knew you were like, you know

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what this is a blessing or you
know that the way that you look

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at something can be can either
bury you or it can raise you up,

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right?
Absolutely.

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Hmm.
I think was not just one moment,

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they are moments and then is the
globalization of this.

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Moments and there wasn't nothing
to change that.

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I cannot pinpoint.
Okay, this happen and they are,

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you was okay.
How do I deal with it all the

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dealing with the situation?
Yes, I learned from it.

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Yes.
I'm a better person now then I

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feel better with myself so many
levels.

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I still cannot say that it's a
blessing.

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It's part of life.
I see it more step and it's not

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I don't have - I managed to be
nailed through all about mmm.

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Yes, when it happens these
things and My Philosophy was

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always what is the best that I
can take out of the situation.

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So I really Embrace that about
the situation Stefan.

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They say, it's not something
that I ever wish to anybody else

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or we can learn.
There are always I my message

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out there when I speak about
positivity and the power of

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death happiness, doesn't need to
be this, the nation.

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A penis is really a choice that
we doing the Today by focus on

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small stuff, we don't need to go
over this life-threatening

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situations to learn that my big
thing.

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Okay.
Listen to our voices because our

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internal voice is there for a
long time, trying to call our

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attention to be more whole and
to grow.

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And I listened to some of it,
but I also ignore other parts of

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it and I think if we help people
just to be more aware of their

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inner wisdom, let me through.
Transformational without having

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to way of this kind of big live
events for us to grow.

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I think there are some real
interesting nuggets.

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One of them is the non
judgmental - of any situation,

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the idea of not going to label
it.

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Good I'm not going to label it
bad.

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I'm not going to leave a little
lesson.

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I'm not going to label it a
curse, it just is and we move on

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because then you're not
necessarily associated with such

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emotion with that tie which will
then hold you back.

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It's just this is part of Life
is a fact of life, and of

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course, when you're when you
first face with it, it's, you

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know, inevitably shocking.
But once you get over that and

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you realize the only way to move
forward is to move forward.

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I can't stay stagnant here.
I've got to carry on and the

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other interesting thing that you
mentioned is that it's those

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small things.
It's not like the Skies part and

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the Seas you know it right?
You know.

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It's not like this Grand.
Aha.

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Like I think a lot of people
think that these mindset

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conclusions are that just hit?
You over the head and all of a

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sudden, you become a new person
because of some kind of gravity

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or some something that happened
in your life.

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It's just these little micro
moments, and these micro choices

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along the way about, how can I
make the best of us, how can I

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be the better for it?
How can I handle this?

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So that it's positive.
And those are the things that

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get you through it.
Those little choices, every

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single moment of every single
day, I could not agree, more

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Small Things, even after you go
through any, even sometimes can

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be just a scare.
Of the going to drive.

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And there is a situation that
scares us and we realize how

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lucky I was.
And then when we go orchids and

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oh gosh, I had this chance to
ask them again the or when we

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look to something with a fresh
eyes small details.

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And when we allow ourselves to
smell the roses and paste of our

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coffee, we like coffee or tea,
but the small stuff.

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Mmm.
That's beautiful.

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And so afterwards.
Do you think that there was a A

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change in how you want to live
your life or are you, are you

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saying like now, you know, these
things happened.

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Obviously, you've said that
you've changed your diet and

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your, do you doing other things
that could contribute to more

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Wellness in the future.
But notwithstanding anything can

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happen.
We all know this, there was a

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big change personal development
was always, an important thing

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in my life.
So absolutely.

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I embrace that even more that I
really start to learn from

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Performance and for my
performers about how the be very

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strategic about the use of the
time and the our energy levels,

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I start to realize that we can
achieve a lot be more in this

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instead of being the push push
push.

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We'll be learning out to find
the flow, how to be in that

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zone, but I kept things going,
they are say, how can you keep

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that going?
I'm learning how to do this in a

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different way and And after with
the second one was more, I had

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learned of lots of the out, how
to do it in the, in the first

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goal and out to become more
efficient.

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And all of that, the second way
around, was more digging in my

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why, and the purpose, maybe that
was.

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Cause I had start with the
tools.

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I have better tools then to
really not keep delaying to the

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Future.
Okay.

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When I have time, I will do
that.

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Now is the time to do that.
That's fascinating to I'm, and

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I'm going to go and build off of
something that you had said

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before.
Which was, you know, when you

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were all of a sudden faced with
something dire, there's this

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resentment.
And there's this, you know, this

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either egg, some people get
angry, some people get sad

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00:20:07,100 --> 00:20:09,400
upset, just like there's just,
there's a whole gamut of

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emotions that that go on about
that.

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But what I think that a lot of
people wish to do is to be able

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to heal from the feelings of
resentment.

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Like how can they not resent
their own bodies, whether they

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are well, whether they are not?
Well, there's a lot of people

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that resent the package that
they have been brought into this

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world.
What do you think are some

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00:20:34,500 --> 00:20:38,000
mindset tips that people can
abide by that can help to

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00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:42,100
release those kinds of tensions
that kind of Anguish?

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00:20:42,300 --> 00:20:46,600
For me, personally, was really
embracing the mindset shift, not

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tissue, An inflexible thing, but
realizing that I am I bought in

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my body's me.
Even if we believe that after we

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pass of this existence, there is
something else at the moment.

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We are this, hmm?
And if we are in this miracle,

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00:21:05,800 --> 00:21:09,300
whatever I do, you want to
Define is absolutely even in a,

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00:21:09,300 --> 00:21:14,000
rational, not taste as to
recognize that this being a

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00:21:14,008 --> 00:21:18,400
human being, is that is capable
of Of think in the way that we

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00:21:18,400 --> 00:21:22,800
think and try to grasp the
mysteries of the universe is

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00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:27,000
something very peculiar unique
and extraordinary on so many

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different levels.
So there is something really

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00:21:30,700 --> 00:21:35,200
incredible in all human beings
where we are at the moment, we

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are at the moment.
The body is part of the the

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package and we cannot, this is
associate one to the other.

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So we don't choose how we can,
but we can take care of our

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Temple.
So, Speak course in terms of

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systems and Society we allow
building a culture and a society

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that the sets diversity of every
kind from color to shape two

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00:22:01,800 --> 00:22:04,900
different ways of expressing
ourselves ayat.

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For me, my wife, I was learning
how to love myself as I am

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loving ourselves and accepting
us.

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We are doesn't mean that we
cannot Thrive to improve.

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I think there is a Dance between
these two things.

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And we really have to get a
enjoying that I like in it as to

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being satisfied with, who you
are, and where you are.

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But eager for more, eager for
that growth.

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Looking forward to an exciting
for what's yet to come and that

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00:22:33,800 --> 00:22:36,700
Journey, it's interesting
because when you were saying

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00:22:36,700 --> 00:22:41,400
there is this mindset that we
have as humans that, you know,

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because we're so busy, we have
jobs, we have families.

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There's so much going on that we
have to do that.

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Seem to delay our gratification,
we do we delay, our happiness,

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or we we postpone it and put it
into some mysterious future and

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say, I'll be happy when it's the
weekends, I'll be happy.

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00:22:57,000 --> 00:22:59,500
When I make that money, I'll be
happy when I get their

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00:22:59,500 --> 00:23:03,100
promotion, or when I retire or
when I whatever it can be.

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00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:05,300
We're delaying our own
happiness.

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00:23:05,300 --> 00:23:08,700
Well, wouldn't it be better to
live as if you are, happy every

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00:23:08,700 --> 00:23:12,200
single moment now.
You know, I think that it's

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00:23:12,200 --> 00:23:15,200
funny because I often think like
that when we were young time,

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00:23:15,200 --> 00:23:18,300
you saw almost danced till it
was almost Almost like a day or

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00:23:18,300 --> 00:23:21,400
so long, a week was forever
every waiting for the next

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00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:26,300
Christmas was like torture.
You know, it's like but now that

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00:23:26,300 --> 00:23:28,900
we're adults were constantly
pre-planning with one year

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00:23:28,900 --> 00:23:31,600
five-year ten-year plans.
It's like we forget what year

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00:23:31,600 --> 00:23:33,100
were in.
We forget what, you know, what

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00:23:33,100 --> 00:23:36,800
day it is the week, and we
forget to be happy in this

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00:23:36,800 --> 00:23:40,200
moment and look around and
really just breathe and slow

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00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:43,900
down and release that stress and
and know that everything is

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00:23:43,900 --> 00:23:46,900
really okay and that no matter
what comes your way.

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00:23:47,200 --> 00:23:52,100
A, you know, absolutely.
And there was a lesson because

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00:23:52,800 --> 00:23:56,400
even when things are tough,
because I still remember the

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00:23:56,400 --> 00:24:01,600
small small stuff of, for
instance, the food really taste

381
00:24:01,600 --> 00:24:05,700
like Caillou losses, you lose
the taste and the smell and all

382
00:24:05,700 --> 00:24:08,800
these cardboard kind of thing,
but you still have to feed

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00:24:08,800 --> 00:24:11,300
yourself and Visually I still
could see.

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00:24:11,300 --> 00:24:15,000
So I pay what climb.
Make it to look nice.

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00:24:15,000 --> 00:24:16,900
The table.
The colors.

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00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:22,200
I love the food, small stuff
that make us even when we are in

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00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:26,700
pain or cake when we are in
pain, we have to find ways of

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00:24:27,100 --> 00:24:32,200
and minaret death, but
afterwards, he says, when we get

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00:24:32,200 --> 00:24:34,100
up on the infield a little bit
better.

390
00:24:34,100 --> 00:24:36,800
Oh, I'm feeling better.
That is great.

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00:24:36,900 --> 00:24:39,400
Really pay attention to the
small stuff.

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00:24:39,600 --> 00:24:43,400
There's your beautiful words are
there any other parting thoughts

393
00:24:43,500 --> 00:24:47,700
any mantras or affirmations or
quotes that You have as your

394
00:24:47,700 --> 00:24:51,500
favorites that you would want to
share, be gentle with yourself,

395
00:24:52,100 --> 00:24:55,700
whatever you are.
Whatever is your life story,

396
00:24:56,100 --> 00:25:01,500
whatever the circumstances, and
the challenges, be gentle with

397
00:25:01,500 --> 00:25:05,800
yourself, beautiful, beautiful
words, and Malik.

398
00:25:05,800 --> 00:25:07,800
And it was so lovely to speak to
you today.

399
00:25:07,800 --> 00:25:11,100
Thank you so much for joining us
on the human Beauty movement.