Overcoming Self-Criticism for a Happier Life with Julie Cass

Jennifer Norman:
Hello, beautiful humans. Welcome to The Human Beauty Movement Podcast. My name is Jennifer Norman, founder of The Human Beauty Movement and your host. The Human Beauty Movement is an initiative that's dedicated to inspiring radical inclusion, true holistic wellness, and environmental sustainability in our world. We're a global human collective that connects to inspire diverse modalities of self-expression, personal growth, and individual journeys of self-love. I created this podcast to have open conversations about all aspects of the human experience. When we're curious, kind, and courageous, we evolve powerfully as individuals and thrive as a human race. So take a moment now to subscribe to this show so you don't miss an episode and share it with one new person today. Let them know that you're thinking about them and spread the love.

So let's shift gears and get into the good stuff. If somebody were to walk up to you on the street and ask you, what do you want in life? Would you be able to answer that question with absolute certainty? For many of us, it's a hard question to answer, and it can create a lot of anxiety just thinking about it, or even to give yourself permission to really state what you truly want. Now, let's imagine if you could get so crystal clear on what it is that you want, that the path and the steps to get there just unfold before you. What would that feel like? To live out the life of your dreams and deepest desires? My guest today helps people get that kind of clarity. Wow. Her name is Julie Cass. Julie is a motivational speaker, a bestselling author, a certified EFT practitioner, and she has over 20 years of experience in the health and wellness industry. As the founder of The Positive Change Group, Julie helps people tap into their full potential and create sustainable success. It is my honor to have Julie on the show today. Welcome, Julie.

Julie Cass:
Thank you, Jennifer. I am absolutely delighted to be here.

Jennifer Norman:
This is amazing how the universe brings people together, because we are coming together. We have both been members of the Global Wellness Institute. We're so aligned in our backgrounds and in our pathways towards healthier living. Now, you used to own and operate a multimillion dollar business, and you had hundreds of employees, but as I understand it, you weren't exactly living the life of your dreams. Can you tell us what that was like?

Julie Cass:
Yeah, it is interesting living the life that you want. And I think a lot of people struggle with that because for many reasons, we grow up. And a lot of that messaging might be around what I should be doing, what is expected of me. And innately, I think many of us are people pleasers and somewhere along the path, what happens for most of us is we forget that the most important person we actually need to please is ourselves. Because when we please ourselves, we radiate from a different energetic frequency. I really believe that we radiate more kindness, we radiate more joy and happiness because we're living more authentically ourselves. So, authenticity to me is a really big thing. But how do you find what that is? And sometimes it's even tricky because you could be good at something, but it doesn't necessarily mean that that's what you want to be doing or what you should be doing for longer periods of time.

So I think it's two ways. When you say, how do you get clarity on what you want? The first thing is not looking at your past as a mistake. I think every single experience you've had is a way to get you closer to who you truly are. And some of the heaviest experiences, some of the darker experiences, some of the experiences where you just feel off, allows you to know more about yourself when you know what you don't like. So I even say this to my kids because my daughter's going through this right now. What am I going to take in university? I'm like, what I would do is lead with joy. Lead with what do you love? What makes you feel better? And if that's English courses, take English and your path will unfold. The biggest thing, I think, for us is leading with what feels good.

Am I happy doing this? We forget the happiness factor. Does this bring me joy? Do I feel fulfilled? And so we've turned that volume down for many of us, and we just need to turn it back up and say, I got to do a little self check in. This feels good. I enjoy what I'm doing, or start to get curious. Curiosity is a gateway for exploration, and that exploration will bring you closer to yourself, if that makes sense.

Jennifer Norman:
Yeah, for sure. I think that in some cases, I'll give myself as an example. When I was young, I loved gymnastics. I loved dancing. I think that really filled me with joy, the idea of just being able to perform. But then as things go on and get more serious, it becomes technical, it becomes, okay, your hand is not right…it almost robbed the joy out of it, and it became work. And I was like, I don't like this anymore.

It's not filling me with joy. I'm going to quit and go on to something else. Whereas somebody else who might be like, oh, if you just stick with it, if you continue on, then you're going to get to this place of success. So how does a person know if they are going through the no pain, no gain? Or if it's just like, you know what? It's not fun for me anymore. It's not joyous for me anymore. I really should pursue another passion.

Julie Cass:
So that is really great question. And I want to challenge our belief systems, because our belief systems is what kind of dictates our life. It's that saying, no pain, no gain. Well, who said that in the first place, right? And why do we have to experience pain? And so I think it's really paying attention to what we're also telling ourselves is, do I need to experience pain in order to figure it out, or can I figure it out quicker? I honor you to say, the minute it didn't get fun, I'm going to change courses. But the problem with a lot of us is we look at that as failure. Well, what exactly is success then? It's success based on whether you won the championship or you got enough medals. At what point do we say we're chasing success versus just finding that happiness along the journey? I actually think that's greater success. And I had to learn that the hard way.

I really, really did. I've had several jobs in the past, and I've also been running our family business. Got to a point to say, I'm not living my dream. I'm living someone else's dream. Just because I know how to do this, I might be good at it doesn't mean it's what I want to continue to do. But I look back on that experience, and it was a beautiful experience. It got me skill sets. It really allowed me to grow as a person.

So I don't look at that as failure. What I would have looked at as failure is if I had kept going on a path where I was starting to get those internal signals of, is this what you really want to be doing? Is this fulfilling you anymore? Is this bringing you joy? And I think most of us ignore those signals. And that's where we start to build resentment, we start to build anger, we start to get burnt out. We start to lose that vibrancy because we're going against our natural rhythm at some point. So it's a balance between having to experience things that we need to experience that might not be in perfect alignment, to know what is in perfect alignment, and that balance of how long do we decide to toughen it out? You're the one who gets to decide that. It really comes back to you.

Jennifer Norman:
Yeah, I definitely remember there were specific moments where it all of a sudden became, I was giving myself this negative self-talk, like, I'm not good enough. I can't do this as good as somebody else is doing. I don't know if I can live up to these expectations. And so all of a sudden, it became detrimental to the well-being because I was really criticizing myself and started to get into this habit of self-loathing. And that, I think, should have been the moment where I was like, okay, this has transitioned before, and I know that a lot of wonderful, wonderful life. Coaches will tell you you can find enthusiasm in other ways, and the resilience is what builds that strength, and going through that process gets you stronger and all of those things. But if you really inherently cannot find that enthusiasm, that real self-expression, that it is fulfilling you, then it becomes depletive. I think it does.

Julie Cass:
I'm going to say a little example, like, my son right now is playing hockey, and my husband and I always say to him, is this bringing you joy? Are you enjoying it? He's getting teamwork. He's understanding leadership skills. He's understanding dedication. He's understanding time in the game builds that skill. He's passionate. He does it on the side. He loves it. But the minute he doesn't, then you start to think, well, did it serve its purpose? And is it time to move on? And really, he's the one who gets to decide that.

Right? And we remind him, you're not doing this for us. You're doing this for you. And I think if we all sort of played by that rulebook a little bit to say, and I always say, connect it to the feeling. The feeling is your GPS. I do that with my clients. We do that in hypnosis. It's like, tap into the feeling. The feeling is always your guide in life.

Julie Cass:
If it feels good, then it is good. If it doesn't feel good, then it's either a pivot or it's a mindset upgrade. Something needs to change or maybe the way you're approaching it, but always go back to feeling first as your guide.

Jennifer Norman:
Yeah. And as a matter of fact, you do a lot of work with companies, with big organizations, and help them with some mindset work development, and so shifting from our kids to you're in a job, and perhaps you're not feeling so fulfilled in your job. What are some of the things that you help people with in terms of hypnosis or mindset work, this decoding or this reprogramming of our beliefs about ourselves and what we might be going through in order to be able to identify, well, how can I get more fulfillment either in this particular job that I'm in, or do I need to make a jump?

Julie Cass:
Yeah, and I think that's a really good question, Jennifer. And I want to say, because this is a really important piece, and I always have this thing where you take you with you everywhere, and sometimes that can show up in your relationship, that sometimes it can show up in your job. So that's why I'm a really big believer in doing the inner work. It always has to start from the inner work. So when we look at that, a lot of the times we might say, oh, if I change jobs, I'll be happier. Sometimes that is the case, sometimes it's not. And so one of the things that I really believe is look at, well, what are the aspects that aren't making you happy? Well, it's the way this person taught me, or I don't like that environment. Okay, so then you can go inward and say your trigger in that environment, is it the work that's not fulfilling? Like, impact is really important for people.

Are we creating impact? Do I feel a sense of purpose? And do I feel like I am making a difference? We are very much driven by that as society as well. So if the impact and the purposes are, if you love the work and it's the work environment, then it might be looking, okay, what do I do to change and shift that environment? Or is the environment just so toxic that I'm better taking this and going somewhere else? So really, I think the biggest thing I always teach people, first and foremost, take radical responsibility for your happiness, because we tend to want to look at our environment to change in order to make us happy. And I've done that. I've even moved countries. And then you realize, WHOOP, I'm taking me with me. So until I work on some of those limitations within, and so much of this, I will say we talk about this in the emotional healing, really anchors back to how you feel about yourself when it comes to self-love and how you feel about yourself when it comes to your own sense of self-worth. Because when you can grow those things within you, what you are willing to tolerate if someone is, let's say, being, I don't know, in a way, rude, you're going to just not tolerate that. You won't take that.

You won't put up with it. And I always say to my clients, too, when you do the inner shifting, it's amazing how the environment around you shifts. I look at that with coworkers saying, wow, I wish this would be different. Well, what do I need to do to change within me? And then it's amazing how it's energy, it's frequency. You can tell when someone's off, but if you're in a good place, they can tell you're in a good place and want more of that energy. So we're so connected, and I talk about this in my book. It really is about healing our inner critic, healing our imprints, healing our lack of self-worth that then shifts that environment versus it going from external to internal. And when we do that, magic literally does happen.

Jennifer Norman:
I love the idea of radical responsibility because I think so often we look to those external factors, we look to blame the boss or the government or the politicians. It's never our fault. It's always everybody else. And I'm a victim to what is happening around me. So the radical responsibility, the empowerment, the standing in your strength is the most important thing. And that is hard to do if you don't have that good foundation of self-love and self-worth.

Julie Cass:
There's so many tools. And one of the things I will say, Jennifer, in my own life, which really helped me get into this work and make a radical difference for me, is when we are in that go go mentality, which a lot of us are in North America, it's really balancing that with what I call the pause. And so the pause is inner reflection. It can be through nature, it can be through meditation, it can be through quiet time, breathwork. But anytime you can kind of hit the pause and it's like a recalibration. It's connecting back to self, to that inner self, who we truly are. That also helps guide, get the messages. You can't get clarity when you are in that stress state, when you're that hamster on the wheel, it's very difficult to get clarity.

So when we hit pause, and there's many ways we can do that, that's where that inner voice starts to speak louder to us, that inner GPS starts to turn up and we realize it's actually me that needs to shift, or it's my environment, or it's a change in career, or it's change, but that usually is secondary. Usually it's the inner work first, and you'll be guided as to where you need to go after that, if that makes sense, just to get that clarity.

Jennifer Norman:
Absolutely. And I think that a lot of people who don't take vacations, who don't meditate, who are just so in the habit of being on autopilot, I would say in their lives. Yeah, that inner GPS is going to be spinning any which way that the day leads you.

Julie Cass:
You're in reaction mode, you're in constant reaction mode. And that does lead to burnout because it is exhausting. You just feel like you're constantly emptying your tank versus refueling your tank. And I was saying this at a corporate event yesterday that I was talking to. It is not conducive to optimal health and vitality to be stimulated right by the time we go to sleep. And then we wonder why we have sleep issues, we turn our device off and we expect to fall asleep. So even adopting that bedtime ritual, that nighttime ritual where we have a little bit of tech-free time, we connect inner, whether it's journaling, reading, doing a meditation, taking a bath, whatever that is, and then allowing ourselves just to decompress before going to sleep makes a big difference.

Jennifer Norman:
And a lot of people will reach for a glass of wine or some comfort food. Yeah, for sure do that. And so I think that there are also these choices that we're making as far as is this really serving your wellness or is it just like I'm decompressing, I need a glass of wine. And those are definite things to also consider in terms of just long-term wellness, too.

Julie Cass:
And sometimes we need to do that and it's okay. It's when we are using that as a crutch or we're using that as something I need to do versus I'm choosing it for pleasure. I always go back to the pleasure. Like, if you're choosing it for what feels good, if you're choosing it for pleasure, most of the times what you're going to find is what feels good is good for you. So it really comes back to, again, I call it inspired action, Jennifer. When we really work on cultivating that inner volume around self-love and self-worth, I am more inspired to take a walk, I'm inspired to eat healthy, I'm inspired to move my body, I'm inspired to use beautiful products. I'm inspired because I'm feeling that within first.

Julie Cass:
So same with inspired to get the best night's sleep. How do I set myself up for success for that? When I feel good, I value sleep. I want more of it. And it's this beautiful positive cycle versus the negative cycle that we can find ourselves. We get into, and we all do. It happens to us.

Jennifer Norman:
I kind of liken it to the fact that society and culture in media tries to train us to just habitually do things and not think about it. They try to make it effortless. It's like you go onto Amazon, you're buying something. It's like, hey, why not put this back in your cart, too? But rather than saying, like, okay, I'm going to stop and think about this. Do I really need this? Is it just that power of the pause, as you were saying, is actually really important for you to take control of what you're doing in your life and get to that place where you can recognize inspired action versus habit.

Julie Cass:
And I love the power of the pause. I had that moment the other night. I was like, oh, I can really go for something, and I'm not hungry. Just that simple act that happens to so many people. It's eating after dinner. I'm like, the power of the pause is like, you don't actually want food. It's trying to fill something else. So what else do you need to do that's loving and nourishing? And I was like, you know, what? If I just read my book, this book I'm loving, right? That gives me that nourishment I need.

And so all of a sudden, the chips weren't calling to me anymore. It is the power of the pause. It really is effective.

Jennifer Norman:
I love that you are so practical in your wisdom. And yet when I was reading your whole biography in terms of your EFT and you do yoga, I mean, it's definitely like you've been able to master and bridge both worlds and be able to bring all of this ancient wisdom and all of these wonderful wellness modalities into ways that I think a lot of people who are very much entrenched in day to day 3D living can understand and be able to adopt and incorporate into their lives.

Julie Cass:
And I came growing up very much in that. I love that. I love that you're even speaking of that, that 3D world, and it creates. There's times we need to, like, we live in that space. We need to go into action. I am very much like you. I'm ambitious, I'm a doer. But when we don't balance it with the mental reprieve and really cultivating a deeper sense of inner love, not just inner love in the sense of taking a break, it's inner love.

And what am I telling myself? What am I saying to myself and really changing some of those thought frequencies. I wish I knew that when I was young. I really do because I probably would have made some different choices yet. I know that was all part of my journey. But we have these amazing power tools, our bodies, our minds, our breath. And it's really just not ignoring them, but understanding actually how powerful we are. And tuning into that allows us to live in this 3D world with a little more flow and a little more joy and happiness, which I think is the point exactly.

Jennifer Norman:
And I had just heard that there was this study recently that was talking about the fact that ways to cultivate self-love have a lot to do with curbing the negative self-talk, more so than even the positive affirmations, if you can stop telling yourself, I'm sad, I'm stupid, I can't do it. If you can curtail that, you will be on such a faster track to positivity and having a better control of your life than even if you were to try to say, I'm worthy, I'm beautiful.

Julie Cass:
I want to just share this if we have time. So here's a little thing that viewers can do. We do this with emotional healing. And you hit the nail on the head. If I were to just go to the affirmation, okay, and I just said I'm worthy. Well, all of the gunk in my emotional tank is telling me from probably years that I'm not. And so it doesn't fit in. Like, you actually can't get that affirmation to fit in.

So what we do in hypnosis, what we do in eft, is we clear that emotional gunk out. When we clear that emotional gunk out and we have this thing, what I accept, I can transcend what I deny persists. So if I'm denying the fact that that negative self-talk has been with me for years of my lack, of my feeling like I'm not enough, it's very difficult for my brain to actually believe when I tell myself I'm enough. So we can do a simple technique in tapping where you're actually owning the fear or the negative talk, you're saying, this lack of self-worth, this lack of self-worth, it feels so heavy in my chest. It feels heavy in my stomach. Yeah, you can follow along with me. This lack of self-worth, if I'm honest with myself, I've been telling myself for years I'm not worthy, and I've believed I'm not worthy underneath the arms. And I'm tired of how this feels.

I don't like this feeling anymore. So I go through a few rounds like that where I accept it, then I can actually shift it from my energetic and emotional body as I start to shift that belief system. Once I've done that a few times, then I can go and infuse the positive because scale of believability is really important. I'm starting to believe I can feel more worthy. I'm starting to believe I can love myself more. I'm starting to believe I can let this go. I can let all these feelings of self-worth and self-doubt go. I can let them go. I'm starting to let them go.

Jennifer Norman:
Mentioning to those who are just listening to the podcast on audio and don't have the opportunity to do the video, Julie is actually tapping between her brows with her two fingers. It's her index finger and her middle finger, between the brows, over on the side of the temples, underneath the eyes, on top of the lip, that space in between your nose and your lip, that space right by your chin, over by your chest, underneath your armpit. These are specific pressure points that are really wonderful for these cues, these somatic cues for tapping and incorporating these words, these beliefs into your body so that they can accept it and really help to flesh out those negative thoughts, those negative energies, and use a script that is your own. Julie was really providing one that I think is helpful because it provides the dialogue for how you might be feeling in this very moment. Those negative beliefs, those negative things that you're telling yourself and tapping and saying, yeah, I understand it. I am just accepting and I condone and understand that this is how I'm feeling right now. But you know what? There's a way forward here. I'm going to be tapping a new script and saying, you know what? I'm ready to move on.

I really want to get rid of this stuff. I don't like the way that I feel when I say these things to myself. Let something else and new possibilities enter in, and then you can tap into some of those more positive affirmations. There's room and there's ability for your body and for your mind to then accept it. And so that is a sequence of tapping and some powerful methodologies that we invite you to incorporate into your daily ritual. It's something that Julie teaches and she can share with you through her coaching and through her learning and through her understanding all the years of training and expertise and coaching that she provides. Definitely look Julie up and see if you want to try this out for yourself with some greater instruction.

Julie Cass:
And Jennifer, I've got some resources that people can go onto Julie Cass YouTube. So there is some tapping videos people can follow along with. And I've got some sleep hypnosis meditations on there for anyone who does need help with sleep as well. So happy for you to go there. There's free resources right there.

Jennifer Norman:
Yeah. And the beautiful thing. Thank you so much, Julie. The beautiful thing about this is you don't know that it's really working. Sometimes you get skeptical, and you're like, I don't know if this is really doing anything, hypnosis. But then all of a sudden, it's like a miracle. It's like, little by little, gradual. You're like, I feel better. Dang, I feel better. You don't even realize that it's working.

Julie Cass:
It's the power of those subtle changes and the compounding effect of those subtle, positive changes that you then realize, wow, I used to react, and now I don't react to that situation, or I just slept through the night and I haven't done that in a while. Because what happens for people is you start to get back to your natural alignment, and it feels normal that we forget we were pulled so far out of alignment for so long. So it is so powerful. But sometimes it can be really subtle, those changes, until you're like, whoa, I just feel better.

Jennifer Norman:
Yeah. In the past, when I used to be so quick to self-judge, then all of a sudden, it was as if I was like, oh, I'm noticing that I'm being self judgy. I'm noticing that I'm not feeling good. You start to get that clarity on how you just automatically were operating before, and it helps you to be able to make that choice, to select a different avenue forward, to take that inspired action.

Julie Cass:
And it is so powerful. I loved what you said. It's probably one of the biggest things for our health and wellness is really paying attention to the negative self-talk, because this is what I want to say to viewers, too. You can change it. It is completely within your power to change that. And when you start to change that dialogue, that inner dialogue, then you start to see changes in your outer world versus trying to change the outer world to make the inner world feel better. Like, we are in a bigger place of empowerment by starting within. And then we start to see the shifts around us. And I've seen it in my own life. I've seen it in my clients. Is. It is magical.

Jennifer Norman:
It is, yeah. And so you are so generous in being able to offer these on your website, these resources, as well as on your YouTube. And you wrote a book called Me First that encapsulates your own personal learnings, these transformational shifts that your clients have experienced. Can you tell us a little bit about what's in your book?

Julie Cass:
Yeah, it is definitely about cultivating more joy, and it is about taking radical responsibility, like I said, for our happiness, but also taking radical responsibility for our misery. So it's both things. And I talk about my personal story. I talk about successes with my clients. There's journal prompts and exercises, because I really do believe in that embodiment work, not just talking about it in theory, but actually practically making those changes in your life. And so throughout the book, there are exercises as well. There's all kinds of stuff in there, but it really is around that personal empowerment piece and how easy it is, actually, when we realize that we have these tools within us that we can live our best life. And why not?

Jennifer Norman:
I know that there has been a subtle shift. I think after Covid, people were like, just be happy, just be happy. And then sometimes the cues towards just happiness were not necessarily the healthiest. And so now it's almost like there is a transition on focusing on, is this really serving my well-being? Is this making healthier? If I were to do this on a daily basis, is this something that would really be contributing to my longevity?

Julie Cass:
Yeah. And we need that now more than ever because we are being faced with a lot in the world. We are being faced with a lot. So protecting and focusing on, I'm going to bring it back to energy. It's sort of the terms I work on. But when you look at your own vibration, your own frequency, it connects to your own mental wellness. And so we need to be the light. We need to be it.

We need to emulate it. We need to spread kindness. We have to start by being kind to ourselves, and then it is easier to spread that. Because I just think the more everyone works on their own happiness, it's not a selfish thing, it's a very selfless thing because that's actually the biggest impact you have on the world. And that's what I talk about and go through in my book, for sure.

Jennifer Norman:
Yes, absolutely. And that's what The Human Beauty Movement is all about. It's really about recognizing that every human, every individual has a story, has their own reasons for why they are the way that they are. But if we can have that empowerment, that understanding, that we are in control of our own destinies, that we are in control of our lives, and we have a ripple effect through our energy, through our vibration, through all of the lives that we touch, it starts with ourselves. I know very well, when I was leading a department, if I came in in a bad mood, it was a bad day for everyone. And if you've got a manager or if you've got somebody is like, in a meeting and you can just feel the energy shift because that person is really dower. That's not what we want to signal. Of course there's going to be times and moments where we're going to feel that way.

But if we can then self-select and choose and say, you know what? I'm having a moment. I need to step away because I don't want to create a toxic environment and then breathe and then take that pause to say, okay, I can shake it off. Literally, figuratively shake it off. And then, okay, I'm in a better place for myself, for my family, for my kids, for my loved ones, for the people I'm working with and everybody that I come into contact with, those are the things that we can do that are going to help shift the energy of the entire world.

Julie Cass:
I call that the adult timeout. We put kids on times out when they were young just so they could self-regulate, emotionally regulate. Like, that's why we did it and do it. And we need adult timeouts, too. And say that to my kids all the time, mommy's going on an adult timeout because I don't want to be that person if I don't put myself on a timeout. I'd rather come back and have emotionally regulated and come back as the better version of me. So, yeah, it's very healthy to do an adult timeout.

Jennifer Norman:
Yeah. And a lot of those moments of trauma are created during times of stress. It's like the stress breeds more stress, creates accidents, creates a lot of things that we will then regret afterwards. And so being able to take those beautiful, positive pauses for ourselves, to just breathe and think about the next step and making sure that we preserve those boundaries is a really healthy thing to do. And I also think from there, once we're able to cultivate, which is a lifetime of work, it's always a work in progress that we're making every day a little bit better than the day that it was before. Then we can go into that radical self-love, radical self-acceptance, radical self-esteem, and then radical manifestation of the lives that we want to live, the life of our dreams, to manifest the life of our desires from our true, authentic selves, not what your mom thinks that you should do, not what your boss thinks that you should do. It's what you want to do, and you're in control of it. You've got that radical responsibility for your own life 100%.

Julie Cass:
I love it.

Jennifer Norman:
Absolutely. What a pleasure it was to have you on today's podcast. Thank you so much for being our guest. We hope to hear more from you.

Julie Cass:
Thank you so much, Jennifer. It was my absolute pleasure.

Jennifer Norman:
Thank you for listening to The Human Beauty Movement Podcast. Be sure to follow, rate and review us wherever you stream podcasts. The Human Beauty Movement is a community-based platform form that cultivates the beauty of humankind. Check out our workshops, find us on social media, and share our inspiration with all the beautiful humans in your life. Learn more @thehumanbeautymovement.com thank you so much for being a beautiful human.