Episode 64: Christina Carlson - Choosing Spirituality and Self-Love Over Religion and Fear

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Hello, beautiful humans.
Welcome to the human Beauty

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movement podcast.
I'm your host Jennifer Norman.

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Throughout my life, I've been a
lover and a seeker of all things

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beauty from art and dance to
cosmetics, and fashion to music

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and nature.
But through my own personal

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Journey.
I've come to discover what I

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believe is the most beautiful
thing.

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In the universe, the beauty of
the human soul, on this podcast,

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I sit down with beautiful humans
from all corners of Of the globe

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and all walks of life to learn
how they are living their own

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unique.
Soul Beauty out loud.

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You'll hear from game changers.
Rebels with gray causes stages

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odds, feeders and Valiant
Warriors who fall down seven

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times and get up eight.
This is the podcast where

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abundant energy flows and
supreme wisdom is bestowed, get

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ready to enjoy the inspiration.
Hello, beautiful humans.

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Welcome to the podcast where I
have juicy.

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Relations with beautiful humans
for your weekly.

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Dose of inspiration, I'm
Jennifer, Norman founder of the

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human Beauty movement and your
host.

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So now, I have a question for
you, have you ever lived your

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life and then felt like
everything was just wrong.

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Either.
You felt like you just didn't

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fit in and there might be
something wrong with you or

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maybe there was something wrong
with everybody else.

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But mostly we feel like there's
something wrong with us.

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And if you felt like that, I can
relate.

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And so can my next guest, let me
introduce you to Chris.

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Gina Carlson.
Christina is a self

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relationship, coach speaker,
facilitator, and the host of the

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podcast, bitches witches, and
queers, Christina works with

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those who feel like they have
had to hide their messiness to

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belong and she supports answer
create lives with internal

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safety Community belonging and
confidence.

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Welcome Christina.
Hi, I'm so happy to be here.

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Now, this is going to be one of
our juiciest conversations.

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I know it.
First, I would love to hear all

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about your fascinating
background.

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You have to tell us about it.
Yeah, so I was raised in the

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Midwest of the United States
Turtle Island and I was raised

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in st.
Louis if you're familiar with

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Turtle Island and the United
States, it's in the middle.

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The heart and what is known for
a lot of people as the Bible

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builds, I was raised deeply
Evangelical.

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And by that, I mean I was
home-schooled until High School

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which then I went to a very,
very small Christian private

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school.
My Writing class was 25 people,

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the school included, my brother
and sister as well.

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It was very tight-knit
community.

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And from a very early age, I
like honestly, my first

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memories, I just felt like I
wasn't safe.

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There was this overarching
feeling of this world isn't

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meant for me and it wasn't like
the I don't know if you're

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familiar with like the Christian
ideology in this world not of

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it.
There's a separation of like

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we're different than the world
but it wasn't that it was that I

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didn't feel like I fit Anywhere
because the church community

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that I was a part of I could
play a role.

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I was a very good girl.
I figured that out.

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By the time I was five years old
and had like The Logical

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cognitive functioning to mask
and hide, what didn't fit?

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But there is always this part of
me that was just like, I didn't

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quite fit, and I didn't know
why.

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And one of the earliest memories
I had, was my mom bless her

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heart.
Did a homeschool camp for us

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called caption Eckrich Harrison,
which is made up of all of our

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names mashed together.
And one of the things we had to

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do was make our And in the
morning and I made my bed and my

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sister and brother made their
beds and my mom gave them five

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stars and me three, I had I
started weeping and like my mom

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was like, oh my God, you know,
it's okay.

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Like, you can have five stars or
whatever, but clearly looking at

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our beds mine wasn't made as
well.

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And like, that seems like such a
small thing, but I didn't

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realize until this year that I
have ADHD and I was always told

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that I was just to be student or
just an okay student and my

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siblings were raised for being
incredibly intelligent.

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So there's this part of me that
was really struggling to focus,

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really struggling to do and
focus on tasks the way that came

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really naturally for my
siblings.

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So there was that area of like,
I don't fit, I can't do enough

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to fit into this system or this
world, or this mold.

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And so, there's that layer.
And then there was also this

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intense fear of going to hell.
I really I got saved.

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Maybe like 50 times.
You know what's between Age 5

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and like, 18.
You know, every time there was a

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chance, I was just like, praying
the sinner's prayer and like,

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walking up to the Altar.
And for those of you who don't

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know, it's like this, making
sure that I was safe, is what I

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was doing and really combining
that with fear related OCD.

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I was like, constantly
confessing my sins, I would go

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to bed and then like if I woke
up in the middle of the night, I

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was confessing and God forgive
me for anything.

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I can't think of right now
because of my brain.

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Like, I don't know.
I often like to say I didn't

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take a full breath until I
turned 27 years old.

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Old, mmm.
And then something happened

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where I allowed myself to let go
of the fear of hell, and the

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concept of hell.
And it was like, I felt the

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breath go into my body.
I was in a yoga class and I just

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like, this is what it feels like
to breathe.

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This is what it feels like to be
human and I had no idea.

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So there was a journey like,
through all of that but that's

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kind of my beginning point of
starting to like, move out of

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that and into something
different.

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Wow, thank you so much for being
so forthcoming with your back.

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Grand and with your medical
condition.

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I can appreciate how scary
things are when you don't have

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ADHD or add or any other type of
neuropathy.

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But when you have that on top of
it it just escalates the fear

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and that's truly what it is.
Isn't it?

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When you go to these kinds of
churches and granted there are

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some really lovely wonderful
people with really great

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intentions and really
good-hearted people but

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unfortunately what happens is it
just Causes you to be filled

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with so much fear and so you
live your life out of fear

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rather than living it out of
love or Joy or ecstasy all of

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those things.
And yeah, certainly there were

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times where because I had a very
similar background.

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I remember being in dire panic
in the middle of the night.

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I would wake up and think that I
missed the second coming of

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Christ.
And, you know, if I heard a

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noise, I'd be like everybody's
gone, and I'm the only one left

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and those kinds of things when
you're a tween.

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When you're just a child and
you're filled with so much fear

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that you're just going to burn
in the afterlife and I was so

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you know it's very compelling
it's really scary.

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It's very difficult way to live
and really know how to be fully

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human and to really take those
breaths and to feel free.

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Yeah I deeply care you and that
it is Terror.

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That is really hard to explain
to someone who doesn't have a

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form of PTSD or adolescent
trauma.

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Because it feels like, actually,
like you're dying and the world

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is ending, and you feel really
helpless in the middle of that

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Beyond like, you know, quoting
the scripture over that you were

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told to repeat or like, you
know, calling out the name of

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Jesus or whatever it was.
You were told, would make you

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feel better, or help you.
You're really doing everything

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that you can in those moments to
like help yourself right?

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Then you got into your 20s.
You say that you know during

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yoga you took your first breath.
Tell us about what that

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transition was like what was
going on.

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Yeah, so I actually In a
long-term emotionally abusive

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relationship for about seven
years when I was living in

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Hawaii.
And so I went to school there

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and we moved back to st.
Louis for a year and we're like

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planning to get married.
We're talking about our

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engagement.
But when I was in Hawaii and we

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were dating, I started to take a
hula class and I hadn't danced

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since I was 11.
And I was told that like, my

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body was not supposed to be
sexual and I wasn't supposed to

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be stumbling and causing you
know, situations for other

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people.
Like I was Possible for that.

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So I sort of like locked up that
part of my body and then when I

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was living in Hawaii and one of
the ladies at my church taught

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hula class and I like watched
for like a year before I like

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allowed myself to join.
But I swear the first time I

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stopped into that class and she
was like, no get lower and this

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is how you move your hips.
And she put her hands on my

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hips.
She's like, you move like this.

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And I was like, it felt like a
flood of permission.

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Like I was just given permission
by a woman in the church to move

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my hips.
And so I like to Kate and ran

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with it and I had no idea at the
time.

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The impact that would have on
me, but what it did was like, I

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don't know if you know this from
like doing yoga, like we store

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that tension in our bodies,
right?

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We store trauma in our bodies,
we sort of wounds in our bodies

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and it was like moving my hips
in the form of hula.

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Released that.
And it was just, I had like my

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own like many sexual Awakening
while like still shaving myself

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for it, but it was just like,
all of these feelings.

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All of my Sensations in my body,
my body had A semblance of

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safety within it through hula
and I was like, now we know how

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to feel good now you're going to
know what feels bad and so I

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started to feel sick around my
boyfriend who I was dating every

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time I thought about us getting
married, I started feeling

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nauseous.
I kept like battling with

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anxiety over whether I should be
with him or not because I was so

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miserable and it was like a
whole year later.

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We were talking about getting
engaged one night and I was

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like, I feel like I'm gonna die.
Like I just can't, I can't live

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so I was like, I need it.
Pink.

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And then taking a break.
I met with a therapist.

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And she was like, this is
emotionally abusive.

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And I was like, yeah, I can't do
that.

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And to me it's not surprising
that you would come from an

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Evangelical Church, that was so
dominating of your emotions and

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move into an emotionally abusive
relationship.

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It seems just like a Continuum
of what might have been

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appropriate for you and then
yeah, when you're discovering

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yourself, then all of a sudden,
the veil is lifted to a certain

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degree and you realize, oh, this
isn't the way, it's Supposed to

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be right?
Yeah, I could actually feel the

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lack of safety and my body and
you're exactly right.

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Like, I compared him to God
because of how he related to me

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was how God related to me.
It was the same so I couldn't

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see it as abusive because it was
what I was told was the ultimate

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love.
Yeah.

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And that's very confusing.
And I also want to just pause

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because it is so profound when I
was part of this church, which

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sounds quite similar to what
yours is.

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My family was not as strict.
From that perspective and so we

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would have pool parties.
I would invite all of my

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classmates over and there were
classmates that were forbidden

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to wear bathing suits.
And so they would get into the

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pool in all of their clothes
because their bodies were

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considered shameful and they had
to be covered up.

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And they just weren't allowed.
There were weddings and parties

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where there was no music.
There was no dancing because

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dancing was considered a sin.
It was considered, you know,

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hedonistic and that you were
losing control of your physical

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being Being in that perspective.
And so all of a sudden coming

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into a different culture where
it's just this Liberation must

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have been just so I can't even
describe it.

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I mean can you tell us like what
that must have been like, for

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you?
Yeah, so you're exactly right.

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I was the girl who was like, I
need to wear a t-shirt over my

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swimsuit.
That was what all of our summer

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camps were like we had prom
without dancing like we didn't

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have music like it was very,
very limited and I decided to go

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to the Bible College, I did
because they had a looser dress

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code.
You that was one of my deciding

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factors because I was like, I
have to be able to wear what I

225
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want.
It's like, just very picky about

226
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what I wear always.
And I was tired of having to

227
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decide to wear three shirts.
Just wanted to wear one, but

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when I went to Hawaii, it took a
while.

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I lived there off, and on, for
about five years and the space

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that we were in was, I mean, it
was mostly white people but they

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had some Hawaiians at the church
and on staff and the woman who

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taught who lets me was her
Hawaiian and born on Kawaii and

233
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was someone that I just sort of
gravitated to mushy was like a

234
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very no-nonsense kind woman.
Like she told me straight up,

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she's like, kind of worked in a
similar office area.

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And she was like, if you want
something done, you got to sit

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down and talk story with me.
And so, every day I would go in

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there and like, sit with her and
talk, and it was like this

239
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grandmotherly presents that I
hadn't experienced with that

240
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much affection ever, and it
really felt familial and that's

241
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why I feel like I felt safe to
do.

242
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Hula with her but this was still
within like, okay.

243
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So you know how like change is
hard, right?

244
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Like you go from one thing to
another and it's like, you know,

245
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there's stuffs in there.
I needed a little like baby step

246
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of safety and I took a lot of
those in my journey towards like

247
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becoming more of myself.
This was one of those, I

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wouldn't have been able to take
a hula class if it wasn't in the

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church, but because it was in
the church, it was like here's a

250
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tiny bit of Liberation.
Yeah, that's you know,

251
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digestible for you and it was a
Gateway of I know.

252
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I love like that.
I had not known was possible to

253
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have that experience within the
church Community made me see,

254
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that family could be seen
different, like we could stick

255
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with our with our family.
With our I know we could stick

256
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with that and that could still
be considered Christian.

257
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So it's sort of expanded my view
of God, a little bit in a way

258
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that would just continue
expanding through traveling to

259
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South America and through like
actually being like, Oh my God,

260
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there's good people everywhere
and I had no idea.

261
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And so tell us like you left the
dude right.

262
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Obviously, they know that wasn't
for you.

263
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You realize that there was more
to life than what you had been

264
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told or what you've had believed
and then you are on this.

265
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Perhaps an exploration of
finding yourself?

266
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Yeah.
Yeah.

267
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I was very broken.
Like I like I mentioned earlier

268
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I was like I thought of myself
as really stupid because of like

269
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having difficulty in education.
So like when I went to college

270
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Health, to how your siblings
were treated and that The grades

271
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are the stars that they got.
Yeah.

272
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Yeah.
So like what I met people in

273
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college like my boyfriend who
saw me as intelligent, I clung

274
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to that and I thought that that
only existed within him.

275
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So it was very, very difficult
when I did break up with him.

276
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It was like losing a really big
part of my identity and I had to

277
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start over in a lot of ways and
that sort of you know, like a

278
00:14:29,700 --> 00:14:32,300
lot of breakdowns do.
It's sort of like creates the

279
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groundwork the foundation for
like or just the dirt maybe and

280
00:14:35,900 --> 00:14:40,200
the ashes of Something to get
curious and I was living with my

281
00:14:40,200 --> 00:14:44,600
brother and his wife at the time
and we all sort of started to

282
00:14:44,600 --> 00:14:47,600
question some of the things that
we were told I was working at a

283
00:14:47,600 --> 00:14:52,300
daycare and I had a student who
had two moms and there was just

284
00:14:52,300 --> 00:14:55,100
a part of me that was like, that
can't be bad.

285
00:14:55,100 --> 00:14:57,500
Like there's some of the most
loving parents I've seen like

286
00:14:57,500 --> 00:14:59,500
that.
Can't God can't be mad about

287
00:14:59,500 --> 00:15:01,700
that.
And so I started like sort of

288
00:15:01,700 --> 00:15:04,600
becoming an advocate and what I
noticed because I had been doing

289
00:15:04,600 --> 00:15:08,300
hula and like feeling into the
Asians of my body was that I

290
00:15:08,300 --> 00:15:12,600
felt unsafe in any space, where
a group of people were not

291
00:15:12,600 --> 00:15:15,700
included, we're not free until
all of us are free audre Lorde

292
00:15:15,700 --> 00:15:19,400
like that is so on a body level,
I felt that.

293
00:15:19,900 --> 00:15:22,300
And so I would walk into a
church try to find a church

294
00:15:22,300 --> 00:15:25,500
community and then I would see
the other ring that they would

295
00:15:25,500 --> 00:15:29,100
do to a particular group didn't
matter, which I would start to

296
00:15:29,100 --> 00:15:31,100
feel that.
Again, I feel like, well this

297
00:15:31,100 --> 00:15:34,100
can't be safe because if they're
not safe, I'm not safe.

298
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And it became so that like I
just Quit going.

299
00:15:37,800 --> 00:15:41,000
My brother actually, wrote like
a Manifesto so my parents about

300
00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:42,700
why he wasn't going to church
anymore?

301
00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:48,400
You can imagine how well that
went over and I just jumped on

302
00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:50,000
the bandwagon.
I was like yeah.

303
00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:53,700
Okay, me too.
Me too me, too.

304
00:15:57,000 --> 00:16:00,200
It was like, it wasn't until I
fully left that I was like, oh

305
00:16:00,300 --> 00:16:04,300
I'm bisexual, like, of course, I
felt this internally.

306
00:16:04,300 --> 00:16:07,100
It was a really he's full
realization for Or me because

307
00:16:07,100 --> 00:16:10,600
friend came out to me and they
described it and I was like, oh,

308
00:16:10,700 --> 00:16:13,000
that's a thing.
I was just told myself that I

309
00:16:13,008 --> 00:16:16,100
was straight because I did have
a traction for men.

310
00:16:16,100 --> 00:16:18,300
So I discounted, my attraction
for women.

311
00:16:18,900 --> 00:16:22,000
I just erased my own experience
essentially because I didn't

312
00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:25,600
know there was a different, I
know I could be holding me as

313
00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:28,800
soon as I heard the name.
I was like, oh that's me and

314
00:16:28,800 --> 00:16:32,500
we're even immediately open
about your sexuality or did it

315
00:16:32,500 --> 00:16:36,200
take time for you to tell your
family about it.

316
00:16:36,200 --> 00:16:38,100
Yeah.
I mean, I was immediately open

317
00:16:38,100 --> 00:16:40,100
with the people.
I was currently hanging out with

318
00:16:40,100 --> 00:16:43,200
but I was out of the church at
the time and I was close with my

319
00:16:43,200 --> 00:16:45,300
siblings.
So I told them, I told the

320
00:16:45,300 --> 00:16:48,400
internet, I didn't tell my
parents until like a year ago,

321
00:16:48,700 --> 00:16:51,300
but they weren't really a part
of my life.

322
00:16:51,300 --> 00:16:55,200
They sort of really stepped back
from us in really Extreme Ways

323
00:16:55,200 --> 00:16:58,300
after that letter that my
brother sent and I'm gonna go

324
00:16:58,300 --> 00:17:01,800
with the letter sent.
I want to get the timeline 2016.

325
00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:04,599
Well, okay.
Alright, so several years.

326
00:17:04,599 --> 00:17:08,099
Yeah, we've tried and worked.
Like maintain a civil

327
00:17:08,099 --> 00:17:10,300
relationship with them.
They're coming to see my

328
00:17:10,300 --> 00:17:11,900
daughter's birthday this
weekend.

329
00:17:11,900 --> 00:17:15,099
So there's like a general
familiarity and kindness that

330
00:17:15,099 --> 00:17:18,599
we've sort of moved back into
which were proud of.

331
00:17:18,599 --> 00:17:21,700
But there's an idea within that
culture that if you're close to

332
00:17:21,700 --> 00:17:26,099
someone who is left the faith,
you're in danger of losing yours

333
00:17:26,099 --> 00:17:28,800
because they'll plant a seed of
Doubt within you, which, you

334
00:17:28,800 --> 00:17:32,800
know, is probably true.
But I'm truly, there's a whole

335
00:17:32,800 --> 00:17:37,300
lot of compassion for them as
well, because, They felt that

336
00:17:37,300 --> 00:17:39,100
this was the right thing for
themselves.

337
00:17:39,100 --> 00:17:41,300
They still believe this is the
right thing for themselves.

338
00:17:41,300 --> 00:17:44,100
They believed that this was the
right thing for their children

339
00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:47,700
for the sake of soul and you
know, beliefs are powerful.

340
00:17:47,700 --> 00:17:51,400
And so, whereas your beliefs
Arden and the way that you chose

341
00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:54,700
to conduct yourself and your
lifestyle is completely.

342
00:17:54,700 --> 00:17:57,200
Right.
For you, it's hard for that to

343
00:17:57,200 --> 00:18:00,700
be accepted and so there's
always an extension of Grace and

344
00:18:00,708 --> 00:18:04,000
it takes time.
And if it neat means separation

345
00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:07,000
for those who are listening, who
are at odds with your A family

346
00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:10,600
with your parents with Grandma
Grandpa, whoever it is, even if

347
00:18:10,600 --> 00:18:13,200
it's close, friends, it's okay.
I mean, there could be still

348
00:18:13,200 --> 00:18:16,900
love there, but it doesn't mean
that you, you know, have to go

349
00:18:16,900 --> 00:18:18,700
about things the same way as you
did before.

350
00:18:18,700 --> 00:18:22,100
You know, if your trajectory is
different now and you found your

351
00:18:22,100 --> 00:18:24,800
own path, you've liberated
yourself and you found your own

352
00:18:24,808 --> 00:18:26,800
way.
And you feel like you're living

353
00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:30,300
your most, truest fullest self
than, that's what's important

354
00:18:30,900 --> 00:18:33,100
and then nothing.
But love and Goodwill to

355
00:18:33,100 --> 00:18:34,300
everybody else.
Yeah.

356
00:18:34,300 --> 00:18:36,400
Absolutely.
And I think it's incredibly

357
00:18:36,400 --> 00:18:36,900
important.
Courting.

358
00:18:36,900 --> 00:18:41,200
The something that I feel like
has come about in me through

359
00:18:41,200 --> 00:18:44,800
this journey is that I don't
have to understand to love and

360
00:18:44,800 --> 00:18:48,800
respect someone as human and to
see them as deserving of dignity

361
00:18:48,800 --> 00:18:50,600
and goodness.
Absolutely.

362
00:18:50,900 --> 00:18:54,200
You know, like they made the
best choices that they could

363
00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:56,800
they still are?
I think I think everyone is

364
00:18:56,800 --> 00:18:59,300
doing the best they can with
what they've been given.

365
00:18:59,400 --> 00:19:03,200
That's just, we are all trying
to exist here, like, on a

366
00:19:03,200 --> 00:19:06,000
floating Rock in space.
Like, we are doing our best and

367
00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:08,000
I think It is true of them as
well.

368
00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:11,500
It's just that we've taken
different paths in that journey

369
00:19:11,500 --> 00:19:13,900
and that can be really hard to
reconcile.

370
00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:18,900
Yeah, I have heard from a number
of people who feel that, you

371
00:19:18,908 --> 00:19:21,900
know, somebody crossed them or
somebody did something to they

372
00:19:21,900 --> 00:19:24,200
say to them or, you know,
something happens.

373
00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:26,800
And it's like, I am never
speaking to that person again.

374
00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:28,800
We are net, like, a completely
cut off ties.

375
00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:31,100
No forgiveness, nothing like
that.

376
00:19:31,100 --> 00:19:35,200
And so there's like this Grudge
and there's this judgment that

377
00:19:35,200 --> 00:19:39,800
that person is Dad or that
person is just you know just

378
00:19:39,800 --> 00:19:43,200
written off and I love hearing
the statement like you are not

379
00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:46,200
your worst mistake like even
criminals who have done

380
00:19:46,300 --> 00:19:49,000
atrocious, atrocious things.
I mean, they are not their worst

381
00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:53,100
mistake and so everybody is
deserving of dignity and Grace,

382
00:19:53,100 --> 00:19:56,400
you know, no matter what the
situation is, this cancel

383
00:19:56,400 --> 00:19:59,100
culture that has happened.
Lately is really, you know, it's

384
00:19:59,100 --> 00:20:01,900
disappointing, and it's tough.
And, you know, I believe that

385
00:20:01,900 --> 00:20:03,700
everybody is worthy of
redemption.

386
00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:07,700
If, you know, if you choose it
but Again, it doesn't mean that

387
00:20:07,700 --> 00:20:10,300
you have to be best friends.
It doesn't mean that, you know,

388
00:20:10,300 --> 00:20:12,300
everything has to go back to the
way it was.

389
00:20:12,300 --> 00:20:15,200
It's just a matter of.
Yeah, I honor you enough to let

390
00:20:15,200 --> 00:20:18,400
you live your life and I'm going
to live mine and let's all be a,

391
00:20:18,400 --> 00:20:20,200
you know, be happy in our own
way.

392
00:20:20,800 --> 00:20:24,200
It's so interesting like a lot
of the root of my own spiritual

393
00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:27,800
practice especially in the past
three years has been about

394
00:20:27,800 --> 00:20:30,500
leading into self-acceptance and
I know you speak about this.

395
00:20:30,500 --> 00:20:34,600
A lot in your work as well.
In order to move forward, we

396
00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:40,000
really have to be able to With
what is within us and with

397
00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:43,000
non-judgment, like we just have
to learn to be with it.

398
00:20:43,100 --> 00:20:47,900
And in doing that, it becomes
more natural to extend that to

399
00:20:47,900 --> 00:20:50,200
other people.
Because without it, like, if

400
00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:53,300
there's a limit to your own
Grace with yourself, there's a

401
00:20:53,300 --> 00:20:55,400
limit to your grace, with other
people.

402
00:20:55,400 --> 00:20:57,200
If there's a limit to your
grace, with other people,

403
00:20:57,200 --> 00:20:59,000
there's a limit to your grace
with yourself.

404
00:20:59,100 --> 00:21:01,600
Absolutely.
It's very synchronicities and

405
00:21:01,600 --> 00:21:04,900
like everything outside is a
reflection of what's going on

406
00:21:04,900 --> 00:21:08,900
within it is And it's like, we
have so many barriers to being

407
00:21:08,900 --> 00:21:12,600
able to see ourselves and that
in and of itself is a intention

408
00:21:12,600 --> 00:21:15,400
is a spiritual practice to be
able to like be with that

409
00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:19,500
because we're so used to judging
or not, seeing for the sake of

410
00:21:19,500 --> 00:21:21,800
our own safety.
And because we have such limited

411
00:21:21,800 --> 00:21:24,900
capacity as a culture because of
what's happened to us.

412
00:21:24,900 --> 00:21:28,600
And, because of what we've done,
we've made choices that we need

413
00:21:28,600 --> 00:21:32,800
to reconcile and we can't do
that unless we actually look at

414
00:21:32,800 --> 00:21:35,500
what we've done without
judgment, but just actually

415
00:21:35,500 --> 00:21:38,400
seeing it and being With causing
harm, doesn't mean we're judging

416
00:21:38,400 --> 00:21:40,200
ourselves.
It just means that we actually

417
00:21:40,200 --> 00:21:43,400
have to take a look at it.
So, speaking of that, I mean,

418
00:21:43,400 --> 00:21:47,100
there was a point after you
started to become liberated that

419
00:21:47,100 --> 00:21:49,700
you decided I want to help other
people as well.

420
00:21:49,700 --> 00:21:52,100
That might have gone through
something similar or who have

421
00:21:52,100 --> 00:21:55,200
just a difficult time accepting
themselves and relating to

422
00:21:55,200 --> 00:21:57,200
themselves.
And so here are certified life

423
00:21:57,200 --> 00:21:59,700
coach and you're a certified
energy code.

424
00:21:59,700 --> 00:22:02,800
Can you tell us what the
difference is between those two?

425
00:22:02,800 --> 00:22:05,000
And what is it that you do to
help others?

426
00:22:05,100 --> 00:22:08,400
Yeah, absolutely.
So I studied life, coaching

427
00:22:08,400 --> 00:22:12,000
through beautiful, you coaching
Academy in Australia, and that

428
00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:15,900
is a very practical, beautiful
ethical approach to coaching

429
00:22:15,900 --> 00:22:20,200
that focuses on questions and
mindset and getting to the heart

430
00:22:20,200 --> 00:22:24,600
of the matter through curiosity
and non judgement and basically

431
00:22:24,600 --> 00:22:28,000
sitting down with someone and
really holding space is the best

432
00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:31,000
way to describe it.
Their focus is on Integrity

433
00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:34,400
based leadership.
So allowing and believing the

434
00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:37,400
person in front of you.
Your client is Every bit as

435
00:22:37,400 --> 00:22:40,200
Sovereign to choose things for
their life and not stepping in

436
00:22:40,200 --> 00:22:43,000
and rescuing really being a
mirror reflecting back.

437
00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:46,800
What's been said to you and
showing them their goodness in

438
00:22:46,800 --> 00:22:50,600
that process energy coaching I
studied with Sora shelling

439
00:22:50,600 --> 00:22:54,300
through devoted energy coaching
school, and the focus is similar

440
00:22:54,300 --> 00:22:57,000
and that we're holding our
clients as Sovereign, but we are

441
00:22:57,000 --> 00:23:00,800
going into energy space so we'll
do as well chat a little bit.

442
00:23:00,800 --> 00:23:03,100
What's on your heart?
I intuitively follow the

443
00:23:03,100 --> 00:23:06,800
breadcrumbs Surah says to find
out what is really a Thread

444
00:23:06,800 --> 00:23:09,400
underneath that's wanting to
come forward because you know,

445
00:23:09,400 --> 00:23:12,600
we always are dropping hints of
what really matters to us

446
00:23:12,600 --> 00:23:15,500
whether we even know it or not.
So as a coach I'm following my

447
00:23:15,500 --> 00:23:18,700
intuition on that and pulling
them out and then we see them

448
00:23:18,700 --> 00:23:22,000
together and then we will go
into energy space or liminal

449
00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:26,100
space or that energetic body
together with your permission

450
00:23:26,200 --> 00:23:29,500
and we explore together and
allow your body in your wisdom,

451
00:23:29,600 --> 00:23:31,300
to bring forth what you need to
hear.

452
00:23:31,900 --> 00:23:35,000
And so can you give us an
example like when you say,

453
00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:37,600
follow the breadcrumbs because I
know that people are going to be

454
00:23:37,600 --> 00:23:41,200
like, this might be a little
scary or how do I do that?

455
00:23:41,200 --> 00:23:44,500
Or what does that mean?
And yeah, there are surface.

456
00:23:44,500 --> 00:23:47,000
It's almost like the onion and
you're peeling back layers of

457
00:23:47,008 --> 00:23:49,900
the onion and so what is it?
That somebody might be

458
00:23:49,900 --> 00:23:52,700
projecting on the surface and
what might be at the heart of

459
00:23:52,700 --> 00:23:54,600
the matter when you're following
those breadcrumbs.

460
00:23:54,600 --> 00:23:57,700
And then getting to that thing
that perhaps they themselves

461
00:23:57,700 --> 00:24:01,100
don't even see but need
reflected back by a such as

462
00:24:01,100 --> 00:24:02,300
yourself.
Yeah.

463
00:24:02,300 --> 00:24:05,300
So for example like a client
came to me last week.

464
00:24:05,300 --> 00:24:08,100
I think it was and They're like,
I want to I think we can talk

465
00:24:08,100 --> 00:24:11,600
about money and explore that.
And I was like, okay, you know,

466
00:24:11,600 --> 00:24:14,100
tell me what's going on with
money, big topic.

467
00:24:14,200 --> 00:24:16,700
Yeah, big topic, right?
So she starts talking about

468
00:24:16,700 --> 00:24:21,500
money and she's sharing like and
this and this and then because I

469
00:24:21,500 --> 00:24:26,000
feel like I really want to be
doing blank and then she keeps

470
00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:29,300
talking about money and I was
like, hold up, let's explore

471
00:24:29,300 --> 00:24:31,900
that a little more.
Like why do you think you should

472
00:24:31,900 --> 00:24:34,000
be doing that like what's
underneath there?

473
00:24:34,100 --> 00:24:37,600
And so she's like, well, I feel
like I should be English because

474
00:24:37,600 --> 00:24:39,400
I don't know.
Like, I don't know why I think I

475
00:24:39,400 --> 00:24:41,200
was like, okay, where have you
heard that before?

476
00:24:41,200 --> 00:24:42,600
Like, where did this message
come from?

477
00:24:42,600 --> 00:24:45,200
Can we explore backwards?
You felt this feeling before?

478
00:24:45,200 --> 00:24:48,400
So, we'll boil that down into,
like, I need to be productive,

479
00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:51,300
and there's this belief, like,
if I'm not productive, I'm not

480
00:24:51,300 --> 00:24:53,900
worthy.
So, we uncovered that and then

481
00:24:53,900 --> 00:24:56,500
we'll take a minute and go into
your body, close your eyes.

482
00:24:56,500 --> 00:24:59,600
We'll do a body scan when I
bring up this phrase, where do

483
00:24:59,600 --> 00:25:02,600
you feel that in your body?
What's the sensation are?

484
00:25:02,600 --> 00:25:05,700
Their colors are their images?
Are there other phrases that

485
00:25:05,700 --> 00:25:07,600
come up?
When I I say that other stories

486
00:25:07,600 --> 00:25:10,400
that feel loud.
And so, we'll go into that.

487
00:25:10,400 --> 00:25:12,500
And then I'll ask your
permission and we'll go into

488
00:25:12,500 --> 00:25:15,500
energy space, which will do,
very easily, feels sort of like

489
00:25:15,500 --> 00:25:18,000
a meditation.
And then we'll step into the

490
00:25:18,000 --> 00:25:21,500
space of like you being in a
neutral position to what's going

491
00:25:21,500 --> 00:25:23,200
on.
So you're not revisiting an

492
00:25:23,200 --> 00:25:25,800
issue, you're not reliving
anything.

493
00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:29,300
You are simply observing from an
objective standpoint, you're

494
00:25:29,300 --> 00:25:31,400
kind of outside of what's
actually happening in.

495
00:25:31,400 --> 00:25:34,300
You're looking at it and we're
observing that together.

496
00:25:34,400 --> 00:25:36,300
And in that, we're just like,
what's going on here?

497
00:25:36,500 --> 00:25:39,100
What is this thing?
What is this part of your body?

498
00:25:39,100 --> 00:25:42,100
Want you to see?
Want you to know right now?

499
00:25:42,100 --> 00:25:44,800
What are they showing about?
You sometimes will pull up a

500
00:25:44,808 --> 00:25:48,200
version of you who's believing
this and and your ideal self or

501
00:25:48,200 --> 00:25:49,800
a version of you that's moved
past.

502
00:25:49,800 --> 00:25:52,300
This, what is the difference
between these two images?

503
00:25:52,300 --> 00:25:54,700
And what do you notice?
And sometimes that alone?

504
00:25:54,700 --> 00:25:58,200
A person's energy just takes
over and starts to heal them and

505
00:25:58,200 --> 00:26:00,700
starts to move things around for
them and usually there's a

506
00:26:00,700 --> 00:26:02,300
message.
So whatever that messages that

507
00:26:02,300 --> 00:26:05,200
comes through for them, is the
breadcrumb that they are then

508
00:26:05,200 --> 00:26:09,000
walking with In between our
sessions because what happens is

509
00:26:09,000 --> 00:26:11,000
like it's like getting a massage
or getting energy.

510
00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:13,900
Work done, you're going to have
like, you drink a lot of water.

511
00:26:14,400 --> 00:26:17,900
It's like that.
Push it out and then just walk

512
00:26:17,900 --> 00:26:19,900
with it as in like not like
Focus.

513
00:26:19,900 --> 00:26:22,000
Have to think of it.
Have to figure it out, but just

514
00:26:22,000 --> 00:26:25,100
hold this phrase with you see
what else comes up for you in

515
00:26:25,100 --> 00:26:28,300
the journey and you'll start to
notice a thread of things,

516
00:26:28,300 --> 00:26:31,700
starting to heal, you starting
to move you in a direction of, I

517
00:26:31,708 --> 00:26:34,100
don't have to be productive to
be worthy.

518
00:26:34,100 --> 00:26:36,300
You'll start to notice that the
things that are coming.

519
00:26:36,500 --> 00:26:39,200
Ben, your life, your daily life.
And in our sessions are related

520
00:26:39,200 --> 00:26:42,400
to your worthiness or the
surrounding aspects of that.

521
00:26:42,500 --> 00:26:44,500
Wow.
It sounds pretty cool.

522
00:26:44,500 --> 00:26:46,900
For those of you who are
interested in hitting up

523
00:26:46,900 --> 00:26:49,900
Christina for a session do.
So I'm going to put her contact

524
00:26:49,900 --> 00:26:53,600
information in the show notes
and so she will be available and

525
00:26:53,600 --> 00:26:57,100
maybe you can uncover your own
breadcrumbs, we'll see, we'll

526
00:26:57,100 --> 00:27:00,100
see.
Yeah, I actually had discovered

527
00:27:00,100 --> 00:27:03,900
that, you know, I had this pain
in my shoulder recently and I

528
00:27:03,900 --> 00:27:07,300
was like, what is going on and I
knew Ooh, that I was like

529
00:27:07,300 --> 00:27:10,000
lifting heavy bags and stuff.
And then when I went to a woman

530
00:27:10,000 --> 00:27:12,600
and she was like, what kind of
baggage are you really carrying?

531
00:27:12,600 --> 00:27:17,000
And I was like, oh girl friends.
We don't have enough time for me

532
00:27:17,000 --> 00:27:25,500
to know that, all that
exercises.

533
00:27:25,500 --> 00:27:28,400
And my shoulder feels so much
better.

534
00:27:29,500 --> 00:27:31,700
Gotta love that.
Brilliant single question that

535
00:27:31,700 --> 00:27:39,700
your you see me?
Yes, it's so important now that

536
00:27:39,700 --> 00:27:42,900
you're, you know, you're living
an abundant life, it seems like

537
00:27:42,900 --> 00:27:44,700
you, you know, have really kind
of moved on.

538
00:27:44,700 --> 00:27:48,000
You also have a child, you have
to tell me about this next phase

539
00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:50,800
of your life and you know how
things have been going.

540
00:27:50,800 --> 00:27:54,200
So yeah, I'm sure to post about
this later today but like the

541
00:27:54,200 --> 00:27:57,500
more I know the less.
I know, the more curiosity and

542
00:27:57,500 --> 00:28:01,300
questions I'm living in rather
than like answers and like my

543
00:28:01,300 --> 00:28:05,700
brain wants to know more and I'm
really smart I know a lot but I

544
00:28:05,700 --> 00:28:08,600
still Like, when it comes to
things, it's just like, I don't

545
00:28:08,600 --> 00:28:12,400
know, we'll just have to see.
Like, I feel like my spiritual

546
00:28:12,400 --> 00:28:16,200
practice is Letting Go and
surrendering to what is the

547
00:28:16,200 --> 00:28:20,500
really truly practicing being
fully present in mindfulness and

548
00:28:20,500 --> 00:28:24,300
meditation in yoga in like
playing with my daughter in

549
00:28:24,300 --> 00:28:28,100
these spaces that like it's just
an ongoing thing and I learn

550
00:28:28,100 --> 00:28:31,100
everyday like, oh that's like
I'm triggered by this.

551
00:28:31,100 --> 00:28:35,800
That's so interesting.
I need to be with this and I

552
00:28:35,800 --> 00:28:39,300
feel like The hardest thing and
also like it's only hard because

553
00:28:39,300 --> 00:28:42,900
I'm so used to being distracted
by work and by trying to fix

554
00:28:42,900 --> 00:28:45,600
things.
The hardest thing is to just be

555
00:28:45,600 --> 00:28:49,400
in the space of noticing what
I'm doing when I'm doing

556
00:28:49,400 --> 00:28:51,800
something, I don't want to be
doing instead of immediately

557
00:28:51,800 --> 00:28:53,300
judging it being like, I'm going
to fix this.

558
00:28:53,300 --> 00:28:56,300
I'm going to change it.
It's actually just be like, I

559
00:28:56,600 --> 00:28:59,300
was very rude.
Ouch.

560
00:29:02,000 --> 00:29:06,400
Yeah, I know when I started to
have my own, you know, An

561
00:29:06,400 --> 00:29:09,200
Awakening and come into my own
Liberation.

562
00:29:09,200 --> 00:29:11,800
It's almost as if you are
starting over.

563
00:29:11,800 --> 00:29:15,200
Like I almost felt like
everything that I knew before

564
00:29:15,200 --> 00:29:18,400
was upside down and inside out
and backwards like it's almost

565
00:29:18,400 --> 00:29:21,700
like you were seeing the world
with fresh eyes and you have to

566
00:29:21,700 --> 00:29:24,000
learn how to do everything over
again.

567
00:29:24,000 --> 00:29:28,600
But in this new way of seeing
and thinking and being and for

568
00:29:28,600 --> 00:29:31,300
those of you who are going
through it now and it's like

569
00:29:31,300 --> 00:29:32,900
they call them at like Ascension
pain.

570
00:29:32,900 --> 00:29:36,800
So I suppose then you feel a
little bit like a And you're

571
00:29:36,800 --> 00:29:39,300
feel like, you know, you're just
like a little bit floaty, that's

572
00:29:39,300 --> 00:29:41,300
natural.
It's definitely something that

573
00:29:41,300 --> 00:29:44,300
happens.
And so yeah, listening to your

574
00:29:44,300 --> 00:29:48,200
body understanding and listening
to that Small Voice, which helps

575
00:29:48,200 --> 00:29:50,600
you to stay present and to stay
aware.

576
00:29:50,600 --> 00:29:54,200
And to notice more than judge,
more than trying to kind of

577
00:29:54,200 --> 00:29:57,400
follow others in what they're
doing and saying, well, they

578
00:29:57,400 --> 00:30:00,100
must be doing this, and they
must be right, and I'm not sure

579
00:30:00,100 --> 00:30:03,900
if I know anything, it's you
know, you're interviewing has a

580
00:30:03,900 --> 00:30:07,800
lot, a lot of knowledge and So
yeah, taking those moments of

581
00:30:07,800 --> 00:30:12,000
meditation to get quiet and to
hear and to really truly listen

582
00:30:12,000 --> 00:30:16,600
to what your soul is telling you
is valuable and it's really a

583
00:30:16,600 --> 00:30:18,500
good practice to get into.
Yeah.

584
00:30:18,500 --> 00:30:20,300
And not judging your judge
Venus.

585
00:30:20,300 --> 00:30:22,600
Yeah.
Like that's the layer though.

586
00:30:22,600 --> 00:30:25,900
Girl friendly.
I needed judgey upon judgmental

587
00:30:25,900 --> 00:30:29,300
of Han judgmentalism.
I know that was a habit to break

588
00:30:29,300 --> 00:30:32,700
for sure.
Tina Kraus.

589
00:30:32,700 --> 00:30:36,500
It thank you so much for joining
me on the show today it An

590
00:30:36,500 --> 00:30:38,000
absolute pleasure to get to know
you.

591
00:30:38,200 --> 00:30:40,600
Thank you so much for having me
with this is been amazing.

592
00:30:40,800 --> 00:30:44,500
Thank you for listening to the
human Beauty movement podcast.

593
00:30:44,500 --> 00:30:48,800
Be sure to follow rate and
review us wherever you stream

594
00:30:48,800 --> 00:30:50,900
podcasts.
The human Beauty movement is a

595
00:30:50,900 --> 00:30:54,100
community based platform.
That cultivates, the beauty of

596
00:30:54,100 --> 00:30:57,200
humankind, check out our
workshops, find us on social

597
00:30:57,200 --> 00:31:01,400
media and share our inspiration
with all the beautiful humans in

598
00:31:01,400 --> 00:31:03,700
your life.
Learn more at the human Beauty.

599
00:31:03,700 --> 00:31:07,700
Movement.com, thank you so much.
So much for being a beautiful

600
00:31:07,700 --> 00:31:08,200
human.