Episode 21: Karey Spransy - Rising Into Resilience After Trauma

1
00:00:07,100 --> 00:00:10,000
Hello, beautiful humans.
Welcome to role models.

2
00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:12,500
JC conversations with beautiful
humans.

3
00:00:12,700 --> 00:00:15,800
I'm Jennifer Norman founder of
the human Beauty movement and

4
00:00:15,800 --> 00:00:18,300
your host.
It's my honor to serve up

5
00:00:18,300 --> 00:00:20,300
inspiration in the form of this
podcast.

6
00:00:20,300 --> 00:00:23,300
So if you like, what you hear,
hit that subscribe button, I

7
00:00:23,300 --> 00:00:26,100
appreciate it.
Today's episode is such an

8
00:00:26,100 --> 00:00:29,100
important one.
It's all about the resilience

9
00:00:29,100 --> 00:00:31,200
that we can have.
Have and how we can use the

10
00:00:31,200 --> 00:00:35,100
crappy things that happen to us
as fuel to propel us to our

11
00:00:35,100 --> 00:00:37,700
dreams.
And my guests, sure knows a

12
00:00:37,700 --> 00:00:41,300
thing or two about facing all
kinds of ugly and finding

13
00:00:41,300 --> 00:00:44,100
extraordinary beauty in it.
All this lovely woman.

14
00:00:44,100 --> 00:00:48,900
Before me is carries franzi
carries experiences as a single

15
00:00:48,900 --> 00:00:53,300
teen mother losing two, loved
ones to Suicide going through

16
00:00:53,300 --> 00:00:57,800
two divorces, and battling stage
4 colon cancer, taught her, how

17
00:00:57,800 --> 00:01:02,600
to use these setbacks as Ward's
and turn failure into fuel.

18
00:01:03,100 --> 00:01:07,000
Wow, welcome Carrie.
Thank you Jennifer.

19
00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:09,400
I'm so happy to be here.
You know, every time I hear my

20
00:01:09,400 --> 00:01:13,300
bio, I still am like Whoa man.
That is a lot.

21
00:01:13,400 --> 00:01:14,900
That's a yeah, right?
Yeah.

22
00:01:14,900 --> 00:01:18,500
That is a lot for one person to
go through in a lifetime for

23
00:01:18,500 --> 00:01:21,400
sure.
Now, gosh, first of all, I am so

24
00:01:21,400 --> 00:01:24,000
glad that you are here.
You are alive and kicking and

25
00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:26,900
thriving.
You are now a trauma-informed,

26
00:01:26,900 --> 00:01:30,100
resilience coach.
So gosh, tell us about Your

27
00:01:30,100 --> 00:01:32,800
journey from there to here.
Yeah.

28
00:01:32,900 --> 00:01:35,700
Well thank you.
I'm really happy to be here on

29
00:01:35,700 --> 00:01:38,800
your podcast and just here on
the planet in general, after

30
00:01:38,800 --> 00:01:40,400
everything that you just read
through.

31
00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:44,000
But yeah, you know, my journey
be honest.

32
00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:46,800
Some of the things that you
rattled off their that I've been

33
00:01:46,800 --> 00:01:50,100
through, is my own doing, right?
And some of it isn't.

34
00:01:50,100 --> 00:01:52,400
Yeah.
You know, I grew up in Salt Lake

35
00:01:52,400 --> 00:01:56,400
City, Utah, in Mormon households
in a very religious household

36
00:01:56,400 --> 00:02:00,700
where, like, most organized,
religion sex, For marriage is

37
00:02:00,700 --> 00:02:04,400
just not something that's done
but my high school boyfriend was

38
00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:08,400
super hot and you know my
parents were just like you don't

39
00:02:08,400 --> 00:02:12,300
have sex before marriage because
God said so and at 17, I was

40
00:02:12,300 --> 00:02:15,000
like, hmm.
I don't know that.

41
00:02:15,100 --> 00:02:18,200
That doesn't really work for me.
Plus this is all kind of fun and

42
00:02:18,200 --> 00:02:21,800
feels real good what we're doing
and then you know pregnant?

43
00:02:21,800 --> 00:02:27,100
Yeah so not that I was naive and
didn't like realize that sex is

44
00:02:27,100 --> 00:02:29,100
how you get pregnant but I don't
know.

45
00:02:29,100 --> 00:02:31,700
I guess maybe I I thought I
could beat the odds or something

46
00:02:31,700 --> 00:02:34,300
or it wasn't going to happen to
me because I had bigger dreams.

47
00:02:34,300 --> 00:02:36,800
I have bigger plans for myself.
This wasn't going to be the

48
00:02:36,800 --> 00:02:40,100
thing that derails it and yeah,
but lo and behold we got

49
00:02:40,100 --> 00:02:41,900
pregnant.
So you know that was sort of

50
00:02:41,900 --> 00:02:45,300
like the first thing that kind
of set me back on my heels to be

51
00:02:45,300 --> 00:02:50,800
like, oh man, this life and
consequences for actions is a

52
00:02:50,800 --> 00:02:55,200
real thing.
And one decision, one little

53
00:02:55,200 --> 00:02:59,500
thing can really make your life.
Take a 90-degree turn, you know,

54
00:02:59,500 --> 00:03:01,200
and bye.
We were 17.

55
00:03:01,200 --> 00:03:04,300
Yes, we were in love.
He was my first love all of

56
00:03:04,300 --> 00:03:05,900
this.
We have this beautiful son

57
00:03:05,900 --> 00:03:08,100
together, but, you know, we
just, we really weren't

58
00:03:08,100 --> 00:03:09,800
compatible.
And if I'm totally honest, I

59
00:03:09,808 --> 00:03:12,600
knew that from the get-go.
But again, it's 17.

60
00:03:12,600 --> 00:03:15,300
You think I can change them?
I can make it work.

61
00:03:15,300 --> 00:03:18,500
If I just love them enough,
it'll be okay.

62
00:03:18,500 --> 00:03:22,200
And, and it wasn't, okay, so by
the time I was 21 and my son was

63
00:03:22,200 --> 00:03:24,600
turning 30.
I found myself, divorced a

64
00:03:24,600 --> 00:03:27,900
single mom, his dad went off and
kind of lived his life for a

65
00:03:27,900 --> 00:03:31,300
while and my son and I were Left
to figure it out.

66
00:03:31,300 --> 00:03:33,000
And I think that for me was sort
of.

67
00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:37,600
Also the first time that I
realized, like, okay it's time

68
00:03:37,600 --> 00:03:42,300
to, you know, put my big girl
pants on and make the most of

69
00:03:42,300 --> 00:03:46,800
this situation that I have,
frankly in this instance created

70
00:03:46,800 --> 00:03:49,600
for myself, right?
Like, I mean, I had an active

71
00:03:49,600 --> 00:03:51,900
part in my life being here what
it is.

72
00:03:51,900 --> 00:03:56,100
And so that whole single
motherhood and working full-time

73
00:03:56,100 --> 00:03:59,200
and putting myself through
college and dealing with the

74
00:03:59,200 --> 00:04:02,100
dad, come In and out, and
sometimes being there, and

75
00:04:02,100 --> 00:04:05,200
sometimes not, then sometimes
paying in sometimes not.

76
00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:08,400
And all of that kind of stuff,
really taught me how to be

77
00:04:08,400 --> 00:04:13,100
creative, how to stick to a
budget, how to trust myself, it

78
00:04:13,100 --> 00:04:16,899
really kind of taught me this
about what was important to me,

79
00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:20,600
and what was important to me was
spending quality time with my

80
00:04:20,600 --> 00:04:23,400
son being upfront and honest
with him.

81
00:04:23,500 --> 00:04:26,700
Yeah, being my word that was
really important and that part

82
00:04:26,700 --> 00:04:28,900
of my life.
Really taught me that fast

83
00:04:28,900 --> 00:04:31,500
forward. 10 years later.
ER, I get married again to a

84
00:04:31,500 --> 00:04:34,700
wonderful man.
We have a really great life But

85
00:04:34,700 --> 00:04:38,800
as time goes on and I do a lot
of inner work and he doesn't

86
00:04:38,800 --> 00:04:42,100
really do a lot of inner work.
I start to get itchy.

87
00:04:42,300 --> 00:04:45,900
I start to get like, mmm
Restless I need something more.

88
00:04:46,600 --> 00:04:51,800
So infidelity happens on my part
I'll be honest and because I was

89
00:04:51,800 --> 00:04:55,000
too afraid to speak out what was
really happening.

90
00:04:55,000 --> 00:04:59,100
I was too afraid to just say,
hey, I'm done, you know, I think

91
00:04:59,100 --> 00:05:03,900
some of that is Because it's so
ingrained in Us in society and

92
00:05:03,900 --> 00:05:06,800
in the place that I come from
and religion and things like

93
00:05:06,800 --> 00:05:10,000
that, that like marriage is
forever, you make it work.

94
00:05:10,100 --> 00:05:11,900
If it doesn't work out, it's a
failure.

95
00:05:11,900 --> 00:05:16,200
But what I've come to realize
now, is that marriage is really

96
00:05:16,200 --> 00:05:19,400
this only institution that
somehow has gotten entangled and

97
00:05:19,400 --> 00:05:22,400
in meshed with religion?
And it's also, the only sort of

98
00:05:22,400 --> 00:05:26,800
human-to-human relationship that
doesn't come with sort of free

99
00:05:26,800 --> 00:05:30,200
contracts of like what will
happen should our A ship

100
00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:32,300
dissolve, right?
Like if we're in a business

101
00:05:32,300 --> 00:05:36,000
together, it's totally
acceptable that we might say,

102
00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:39,000
hey, we have different views.
We have different goals with

103
00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:41,000
this business and I think it's
no longer working.

104
00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:44,700
It's time for us to part ways.
And then we have rules and

105
00:05:44,700 --> 00:05:47,700
guidelines about how to do that
and we can part, but somehow

106
00:05:47,700 --> 00:05:50,700
with marriage that's like not
allowed, or it's frowned upon,

107
00:05:50,700 --> 00:05:53,700
if that happens.
Now, I don't mean to say that

108
00:05:53,700 --> 00:05:57,300
what I did was okay, I actually
I'll get to this later but I

109
00:05:57,300 --> 00:06:01,000
actually did go back to my ex
and Rejoice for all the pain and

110
00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:03,100
hurt that I had caused him.
He didn't deserve it.

111
00:06:03,100 --> 00:06:05,800
I asked his forgiveness.
We made amends, right?

112
00:06:05,900 --> 00:06:09,400
He deserved more from me and
frankly, I deserved more for

113
00:06:09,400 --> 00:06:13,700
myself to handle that situation,
better that situation did teach

114
00:06:13,700 --> 00:06:15,800
me, you know, to be brave to
speak.

115
00:06:15,800 --> 00:06:19,100
My word to honor and love the
other person like I had

116
00:06:19,100 --> 00:06:21,500
promised, but a maybe I didn't
really quite know what that

117
00:06:21,500 --> 00:06:23,600
meant.
I certainly learned in this

118
00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:26,800
experience and so that, yeah,
that was another interesting

119
00:06:26,800 --> 00:06:30,300
turning point for me to really
kind of think about, Out, what

120
00:06:30,300 --> 00:06:33,600
do I want out of life knacks,
and who am I as a person?

121
00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:35,600
And what do I have to give to
others?

122
00:06:35,800 --> 00:06:41,300
Then I lost my uncle to Suicide,
which just made me so sad that

123
00:06:41,300 --> 00:06:45,500
someone I loved, didn't know how
much they were loved and how

124
00:06:45,500 --> 00:06:49,300
much worth and value they had to
those of us around.

125
00:06:49,600 --> 00:06:52,300
Yeah.
And at the end of my divorce

126
00:06:52,300 --> 00:06:55,200
with my second husband, is when
I got diagnosed with stage 4

127
00:06:55,200 --> 00:06:58,500
colon cancer and it was a one
month before my 41st birthday

128
00:06:59,100 --> 00:07:02,100
and that Just crazy.
You know, I remember being that

129
00:07:02,100 --> 00:07:05,900
young mom that I talked about
and thinking man, you know, I

130
00:07:05,900 --> 00:07:10,400
have so much time. 40 years old
seems so far away like ancient,

131
00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:13,400
I'll be a grandma by the time
I'm 40 which actually in 46 and

132
00:07:13,400 --> 00:07:15,800
I am a grandma but like you know
in your 20s.

133
00:07:15,800 --> 00:07:17,700
You just think that 40 is
ancient.

134
00:07:17,700 --> 00:07:21,900
It's just light years away.
And now here I am a month before

135
00:07:21,900 --> 00:07:25,500
my 41st birthday and I'm
diagnosed with this in the

136
00:07:25,500 --> 00:07:29,400
doctors say, we don't know if
you'll survive and I'm just like

137
00:07:29,400 --> 00:07:31,400
what?
What you got to be kidding me.

138
00:07:31,900 --> 00:07:34,600
I've so much more to do.
I have so much more to give?

139
00:07:34,600 --> 00:07:37,600
I have.
So, I have so much more life.

140
00:07:37,600 --> 00:07:40,800
I don't want to go right now.
I'm not ready to go right now

141
00:07:41,100 --> 00:07:45,200
and that experience, right?
Then and there was the Catalyst

142
00:07:45,200 --> 00:07:48,400
for me to just say, like, all
the things that you've been

143
00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:52,500
dreaming about doing all the
things that you have been

144
00:07:52,600 --> 00:07:56,000
holding back on or too scared to
do, don't waste any more time

145
00:07:56,000 --> 00:07:58,300
because in an instant, it can
change.

146
00:07:58,300 --> 00:08:01,200
So it taught me compassion,
Action for others.

147
00:08:01,200 --> 00:08:04,300
It taught me.
Forgiveness, I went and cleaned

148
00:08:04,300 --> 00:08:06,900
up my side of the street
absolutely everywhere.

149
00:08:06,900 --> 00:08:11,200
Because I did not want to exit
this world.

150
00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:16,000
Having someone in my speech
year, one not know what they

151
00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:18,700
meant to me and to have anything
left.

152
00:08:18,700 --> 00:08:23,200
Unsaid any apologies like
holding onto Pride holding on to

153
00:08:23,200 --> 00:08:27,700
grudges, just for what I might
not be here in a week and I want

154
00:08:27,700 --> 00:08:31,500
you to know that I loved you.
You and that, you know what you

155
00:08:31,500 --> 00:08:34,100
meant to me, and I want you to
know that I am.

156
00:08:34,100 --> 00:08:38,000
Sorry for anything that I have
done, and, you know, I want us

157
00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:40,799
to leave feeling like we were
really blessed to be a part of

158
00:08:40,799 --> 00:08:44,000
one another's lives, that
experience all of those

159
00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:48,200
experiences just really powerful
for me, in terms of stages of

160
00:08:48,200 --> 00:08:51,000
learning to figure out who I am
and who I want to be in the

161
00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:55,500
world and gained The Bravery and
the courage to show up as that.

162
00:08:55,500 --> 00:08:58,600
And I think, without all of
those experiences, I actually

163
00:08:58,600 --> 00:09:01,900
don't even know who I was.
Today without those.

164
00:09:01,900 --> 00:09:04,900
And I think that's the biggest
thing that I try to coach my

165
00:09:04,900 --> 00:09:07,900
clients on, as you said in the
beginning, in my bio turning,

166
00:09:07,900 --> 00:09:12,000
you know, their setbacks into
spring boards and really looking

167
00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:15,900
at the really hard unfair.
Crappy stuff that's happened to

168
00:09:15,900 --> 00:09:18,700
us in life as the building
blocks and the tools and the

169
00:09:18,700 --> 00:09:22,000
lessons that we need to.
Give us the superpowers to go

170
00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:25,200
after our dreams, whatever those
dreams might be, right.

171
00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:27,700
They helped us find our voice,
they helped us get back to

172
00:09:27,700 --> 00:09:30,200
Center for, they helped us gain.
Passion.

173
00:09:30,200 --> 00:09:33,400
They help us understand what
forgiveness is they teach us to

174
00:09:33,400 --> 00:09:36,500
be brave, you know?
And listen, I get it when you're

175
00:09:36,500 --> 00:09:39,900
in the midst of it when I was in
the midst of colon cancer there

176
00:09:39,900 --> 00:09:42,800
were days where I was like you
are not telling me anything

177
00:09:42,800 --> 00:09:46,900
about so it all happens for a
reason and be in the present

178
00:09:46,900 --> 00:09:48,900
moment, right?
Like there were times when I was

179
00:09:48,900 --> 00:09:52,500
just like don't even come in my
face with all of that stuff.

180
00:09:52,700 --> 00:09:55,000
He's because I was so deep in
it.

181
00:09:55,000 --> 00:09:56,800
Yeah.
But then the very next day I

182
00:09:56,800 --> 00:09:59,700
might be like, you know what,
the present moment this is.

183
00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:02,100
We have, you know, so it's an
ebb and a flow.

184
00:10:02,100 --> 00:10:04,500
And I think that's the other
thing that I really try to

185
00:10:04,500 --> 00:10:08,600
instill in my clients is that
life is a ride, it is an ebb and

186
00:10:08,600 --> 00:10:12,900
flow, and we can, and have the
ability and the capacity to feel

187
00:10:12,900 --> 00:10:16,000
all of the emotions and you can
be crying one second, and

188
00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:18,800
laughing.
The next neither, diminishes,

189
00:10:18,800 --> 00:10:21,100
the other.
And it doesn't mean that what

190
00:10:21,100 --> 00:10:23,000
you're going through isn't hard
or that.

191
00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:25,700
It isn't serious.
And it also doesn't mean that

192
00:10:25,700 --> 00:10:28,700
life isn't beautiful and
wonderful and funny and

193
00:10:28,700 --> 00:10:31,100
ridiculous.
All the At the same time because

194
00:10:31,100 --> 00:10:34,500
I think it is all happening.
All at the same time, that's so

195
00:10:34,500 --> 00:10:36,500
true.
Well, thank you so much for

196
00:10:36,500 --> 00:10:39,100
walking us through all that has
occurred.

197
00:10:39,300 --> 00:10:43,500
And I can see that with the
accumulation of all of those

198
00:10:43,500 --> 00:10:47,600
things and the recognition that,
you know, these things and

199
00:10:47,600 --> 00:10:50,200
rather than saying things happen
for a reason because it sounds

200
00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:52,400
like a platitude that a lot of
people are just like, okay.

201
00:10:52,400 --> 00:10:54,400
Don't come at me, bro, with that
kind of stuff, right?

202
00:10:54,400 --> 00:10:56,600
Exactly.
Like you said because when

203
00:10:56,600 --> 00:10:59,700
you're in it it's hard to hear
it when you're in it and you're

204
00:10:59,800 --> 00:11:03,100
Feeling that way.
Sometimes you just need to take

205
00:11:03,100 --> 00:11:04,500
those moments.
It's almost like the body

206
00:11:04,500 --> 00:11:06,200
breathing though, the Mind
breathing.

207
00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:10,300
So give yourself permission to
feel all those fields.

208
00:11:10,700 --> 00:11:15,300
And then once you are at a place
where you can, perhaps think

209
00:11:15,300 --> 00:11:18,000
more clearly or think about
what's next, then it's like

210
00:11:18,000 --> 00:11:21,900
assigning meaning to what that
event was because events are

211
00:11:21,900 --> 00:11:24,200
neutral.
As we know it's how you react to

212
00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:27,000
them and what your responses can
be, you can let them bury you,

213
00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:29,600
you can perceive them as a
curse, you can do.

214
00:11:29,700 --> 00:11:33,700
All of those things or you can
choose otherwise, you can choose

215
00:11:33,700 --> 00:11:36,400
to say, see the blessing at.
You can see the positive side,

216
00:11:36,400 --> 00:11:38,800
you can see that.
This is a thing that is going to

217
00:11:38,800 --> 00:11:42,000
give me my superpower.
This is the thing that I am

218
00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:45,200
going to overcome.
Come, What May and it's going to

219
00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:47,700
move me forward and I'm going to
be better for it.

220
00:11:48,100 --> 00:11:51,800
Yeah, 100 percent.
I mean I 100% believe that

221
00:11:51,800 --> 00:11:53,700
things that happen to us are
neutral.

222
00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:58,200
I think you kind of hit it on
the head there that so often we

223
00:11:58,200 --> 00:12:01,500
fall into this.
Year, or this feeling that I

224
00:12:01,508 --> 00:12:04,600
deserved it in some way that
I've done something to bring

225
00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:06,800
this upon myself.
And yeah, like I said in the

226
00:12:06,800 --> 00:12:09,800
beginning, you know, actions, do
have consequences, right?

227
00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:13,300
I mean, I was fooling around and
I get pregnant, right?

228
00:12:13,300 --> 00:12:16,000
Like, I was fooling around and I
get divorced.

229
00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:20,000
So actions, do have
consequences, but that doesn't

230
00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:23,200
mean that we deserved it.
If that makes sense.

231
00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:26,000
That for me, I think there's a
difference between this idea

232
00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:29,600
that like, I deserve to be sad,
I deserve to have.

233
00:12:29,700 --> 00:12:34,300
Life be hard, I deserve to never
get a break because I've done

234
00:12:34,300 --> 00:12:37,800
XYZ and we can start to take
that idea of.

235
00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:42,000
We deserve these challenges and
then start to make it mean

236
00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:43,900
something about our personal
worth.

237
00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:47,900
I deserve these challenges,
because I'm a bad person because

238
00:12:47,900 --> 00:12:52,500
I'm not worthy of happiness,
because Joy is not meant for me,

239
00:12:52,700 --> 00:12:55,400
and that I think is completely
false.

240
00:12:55,400 --> 00:12:58,000
I 100% believe that.
That is not true.

241
00:12:58,000 --> 00:13:02,700
We are all worthy of joining.
We love and he's and life

242
00:13:02,700 --> 00:13:06,500
happens, life does happen.
And like you said, I think so

243
00:13:06,500 --> 00:13:08,200
often.
It's what we make those

244
00:13:08,200 --> 00:13:12,500
experiences and the things that
happen to us mean about life,

245
00:13:12,500 --> 00:13:18,000
about who we are as a person
about who Society is, who God

246
00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:20,900
is, we just assign so much
meaning to it.

247
00:13:20,900 --> 00:13:25,100
That can either cause us to move
through what's happening in our

248
00:13:25,100 --> 00:13:28,700
life, with Grace, and ease or
get stuck down in the depths of

249
00:13:28,700 --> 00:13:31,900
it, in the bottom of The pit
never to see the light again.

250
00:13:31,900 --> 00:13:34,700
Yeah, I'm not as familiar with
Mormon and the Church of

251
00:13:34,700 --> 00:13:37,000
Latter-day Saints.
I did grow up actually in the

252
00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:41,700
Roman Catholic religion, which
has its own sense of guilt and

253
00:13:41,700 --> 00:13:45,200
shame, and self-doubt and
martyrdom, certainly, perhaps

254
00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:48,500
there are parallels there.
But yes, I think that there was

255
00:13:48,700 --> 00:13:53,100
almost this feeling of penance
like, oh, you know, you yourself

256
00:13:53,100 --> 00:13:56,200
pregnant, then you deserve to
suffer or this is what you asked

257
00:13:56,200 --> 00:13:58,800
for, or this is the result in
the causation, and what

258
00:13:58,800 --> 00:14:00,500
happened.
And so, The martyrdom.

259
00:14:00,500 --> 00:14:04,400
It's the all of those things
that happen as a result, you

260
00:14:04,400 --> 00:14:06,900
know, from a mental and
emotional standpoint because of

261
00:14:06,900 --> 00:14:10,400
the beliefs and with the
religion and stills in you from,

262
00:14:10,400 --> 00:14:12,400
you know, how Doctrine is
created.

263
00:14:12,700 --> 00:14:17,200
And yeah, I have actually
elevated out of that sentiment

264
00:14:17,200 --> 00:14:20,300
as well and recognized for my
own self.

265
00:14:20,300 --> 00:14:23,100
And I think it has been probably
one of the reasons why a lot of

266
00:14:23,100 --> 00:14:26,700
people have moved more into
spirituality rather than into

267
00:14:26,700 --> 00:14:30,200
these, you know indoctrinated
religions is Because of the

268
00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:34,600
freedom and the understanding
that the belief that life is not

269
00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:37,500
about suffering.
Life is about pure positive.

270
00:14:37,500 --> 00:14:41,400
Joy, pure positive energy and
for us to contribute, but there

271
00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:44,900
would not be life.
If there weren't these instances

272
00:14:44,900 --> 00:14:48,000
of challenge, you know, there
has to be death in order for

273
00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:50,100
there to be new life.
There has to be seasons of

274
00:14:50,100 --> 00:14:52,100
change.
There has to be all of this in

275
00:14:52,100 --> 00:14:55,700
order for us to learn and shape
and strengthen and grow from.

276
00:14:56,000 --> 00:15:00,600
And so accepting that as a part
of life, And recognizing.

277
00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:04,400
Yes, some people get it more
than others for sure.

278
00:15:04,400 --> 00:15:07,400
For sure.
But isn't that wonderful that

279
00:15:07,600 --> 00:15:10,300
you can handle it?
You know that you have what it

280
00:15:10,300 --> 00:15:15,900
takes to overcome and it's no
feeling of ill will or shame.

281
00:15:15,900 --> 00:15:19,200
If somebody does have cancer and
they do succumb, that that is

282
00:15:19,200 --> 00:15:22,000
also something that is written
in the stars.

283
00:15:22,200 --> 00:15:25,400
It's something that is very
difficult for us to assign

284
00:15:25,400 --> 00:15:28,500
meaning to for sure, and
sometimes there just aren't

285
00:15:28,500 --> 00:15:30,600
those answers.
For a lot of people who are

286
00:15:30,600 --> 00:15:33,200
going through The Grieving and
the suffering of suicide in the

287
00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:36,100
families and and things like
that, sometimes it's just very

288
00:15:36,100 --> 00:15:39,400
hard to come to reason with we
at we know that and that's what

289
00:15:39,400 --> 00:15:41,400
we're here for.
We're all here to support each

290
00:15:41,400 --> 00:15:45,000
other and learn and be that
support that we need when we are

291
00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:49,700
trying to figure things out for
ourselves, 100% 100%, you know

292
00:15:49,700 --> 00:15:53,400
during that battle with colon
cancers, when my son's father

293
00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:58,400
took his own life and you know,
it was just kind of one of those

294
00:15:58,400 --> 00:16:00,900
things, where is it?
Up into one month after a

295
00:16:00,908 --> 00:16:03,700
surgery, where the doctors told
me, we don't know that if you'll

296
00:16:03,700 --> 00:16:06,000
survive.
So my son and I put together, my

297
00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:08,400
will we planned all of this and
then a month later.

298
00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:11,500
Hear, he and I are sitting at
the funeral of his father

299
00:16:11,900 --> 00:16:15,700
completely unexpected.
And I remember sitting there in

300
00:16:15,700 --> 00:16:19,800
the funeral like looking at the
casket and thinking it was

301
00:16:19,800 --> 00:16:23,700
standing room only.
And I remember thinking how

302
00:16:23,700 --> 00:16:27,800
heartbreaking it was that he
didn't know, all of these

303
00:16:27,800 --> 00:16:30,700
people.
How much he Has loved and cared

304
00:16:30,700 --> 00:16:34,000
for.
And since that time there are

305
00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:39,900
days when my son and and even I
like would he's very present for

306
00:16:39,900 --> 00:16:43,700
me when he feels like he's right
there and songs that he used to

307
00:16:43,708 --> 00:16:47,200
play, for me back in 1994.
When he first got together,

308
00:16:47,200 --> 00:16:49,700
we'll come on the radio.
And I haven't heard that song in

309
00:16:49,700 --> 00:16:53,200
years and it's just like those
types of things that are so

310
00:16:53,300 --> 00:16:55,200
strange.
And then sometimes my son will

311
00:16:55,200 --> 00:16:58,600
say something or make a joke and
I'm like, wow, that is just so

312
00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:01,100
much like your dad.
And so you know to your point

313
00:17:01,100 --> 00:17:04,500
with these things of people that
you know, don't beat the cancer

314
00:17:04,500 --> 00:17:08,500
battle, you know, don't go get
to go into remission or they

315
00:17:08,500 --> 00:17:10,700
have Circ.
They lose someone to Suicide

316
00:17:10,700 --> 00:17:14,500
like we have I think going back
to this idea that we are full

317
00:17:14,500 --> 00:17:19,099
human beings who have the
capacity to feel all the things

318
00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:23,099
it's okay for you to be sad,
some days, and to really miss

319
00:17:23,099 --> 00:17:26,800
them, and to question, and to
wonder what's happened, why that

320
00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:30,500
all took place and then the very
next moment Moment or the next

321
00:17:30,500 --> 00:17:34,600
day or the next week to be
laughing and remembering stories

322
00:17:34,600 --> 00:17:38,100
about them and celebrating their
life and being joyful, that they

323
00:17:38,100 --> 00:17:41,300
were in your life that you were
blessed.

324
00:17:41,300 --> 00:17:44,900
Had the experience, you were
able to experience them.

325
00:17:44,900 --> 00:17:49,300
I think, you know, finding the
Rhythm and the ebb and flow of

326
00:17:49,300 --> 00:17:53,100
being comfortable.
Experiencing those two

327
00:17:53,400 --> 00:17:58,100
opposites, I think is really
where the Curiosity and the

328
00:17:58,100 --> 00:18:03,000
fascination with life.
It is for me that surfing the

329
00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:07,300
wave that balance between like
feeling all the things and

330
00:18:07,300 --> 00:18:10,500
experiencing all the things that
life has to offer.

331
00:18:10,500 --> 00:18:14,000
Because like you said, you know,
we sit and often dream about

332
00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:18,400
like, oh I can only wait until
things, get easier and smooth

333
00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:20,900
sailing, I graduate my son grows
up.

334
00:18:20,900 --> 00:18:24,400
I get x, y, z job.
I find XYZ partner, you know,

335
00:18:24,400 --> 00:18:28,700
this list of things that, as
soon as then, right?

336
00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:32,700
But it never really.
He works out that way and we

337
00:18:32,700 --> 00:18:37,000
like myself, like I told him my
story earlier when things are

338
00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:41,700
smooth sailing and really easy.
And there's not much drama, we

339
00:18:41,700 --> 00:18:46,600
tend to get like Ichi and then
make drama because we need.

340
00:18:46,600 --> 00:18:50,300
I think a little bit of that
friction that edge where we

341
00:18:50,300 --> 00:18:52,300
grow, where we feel
uncomfortable.

342
00:18:52,300 --> 00:18:55,900
We need to push a little bit
where we don't know where things

343
00:18:55,900 --> 00:18:59,000
are scary and where we try
something it doesn't work out so

344
00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:02,700
we try Nothing else like that,
that space.

345
00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:05,700
That's where life happens.
Yeah, that's where life is

346
00:19:05,900 --> 00:19:08,800
really is.
Yeah, we were meant to growl.

347
00:19:08,800 --> 00:19:12,700
We were meant to move on and I
know a lot of people who have

348
00:19:12,700 --> 00:19:15,000
lost loved ones recently,
probably more.

349
00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:19,000
So now than in the past due to
covid, or what have you and, and

350
00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:21,700
there's been a lot of, you know,
strange things happening with

351
00:19:21,700 --> 00:19:23,600
overdosing.
And just, you know, just people

352
00:19:23,600 --> 00:19:27,700
like going to numbing behaviors
in order to try to cope and the

353
00:19:27,700 --> 00:19:31,900
ones that are left sometimes
Feel numb, they sometimes feel

354
00:19:31,900 --> 00:19:35,600
guilty for moving on in their
lives and celebrating and, you

355
00:19:35,600 --> 00:19:39,400
know, feeling good and they
carry that with them.

356
00:19:39,600 --> 00:19:42,000
Like, what would you say to
people that, like, knowing that

357
00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:44,400
you have been through all of
this resilience and that you're

358
00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:47,800
helping other people in their
supporting and getting past

359
00:19:47,800 --> 00:19:52,300
these hard times, if they're
still holding on to those

360
00:19:52,300 --> 00:19:57,300
feelings of grief or feeling
that they just aren't worthy of

361
00:19:57,300 --> 00:19:59,000
more?
What would you say to them?

362
00:19:59,100 --> 00:20:03,600
Well, the People that feel like
that have guilt about enjoying

363
00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:07,600
life and moving on I would say
what I would tell my son because

364
00:20:07,600 --> 00:20:10,800
he was in that position in the
early days after losing his

365
00:20:10,800 --> 00:20:14,800
father is that talk to him talk
to your dad, tell him how you're

366
00:20:14,800 --> 00:20:17,000
feeling.
I explain.

367
00:20:17,200 --> 00:20:22,500
Hey Dad I'm feeling really sad
and really guilty about wanting

368
00:20:22,500 --> 00:20:25,600
to move on because I feel like
if I do then it means that

369
00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:29,300
somehow I've forgotten you or
I'm not honoring your loss and

370
00:20:29,300 --> 00:20:33,600
the The more that he verbalized,
how he was feeling either in his

371
00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:37,200
journal, or speaking it out
envisioning, his father being

372
00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:42,900
there, the more he could sort of
soften that grasp on that the

373
00:20:42,900 --> 00:20:48,000
more he could hear those words
within himself and start to

374
00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:51,800
release a little bit of that
guilt and open up to see like

375
00:20:51,800 --> 00:20:54,800
yeah, that's not what this
person would actually want me to

376
00:20:54,808 --> 00:20:56,700
go on.
I feel their presence.

377
00:20:56,700 --> 00:20:59,000
I get the sense that they're
hearing me.

378
00:20:59,000 --> 00:21:02,200
I'm You better like I can
actually still kind of talk with

379
00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:05,800
them and commune with them a
little bit and they're more able

380
00:21:05,800 --> 00:21:08,900
to kind of work through that and
give themselves permission to

381
00:21:08,900 --> 00:21:15,300
move on and still hold a light,
a memory, a love a space for

382
00:21:15,300 --> 00:21:18,200
these people.
Just by moving on doesn't mean

383
00:21:18,200 --> 00:21:20,900
that you have to completely shut
them out and never think of them

384
00:21:20,900 --> 00:21:23,900
again and you know, not have
them be a part of your lonely

385
00:21:23,900 --> 00:21:25,700
life.
It's figuring out how can we

386
00:21:25,700 --> 00:21:29,700
incorporate them and their
memory and their feeling into To

387
00:21:29,700 --> 00:21:32,700
your life.
So you can move on full still

388
00:21:32,700 --> 00:21:36,200
cherishing, who they were in
your life and for those people

389
00:21:36,200 --> 00:21:40,600
who feel like they aren't
worthy, I would just start to

390
00:21:40,600 --> 00:21:42,900
ask questions.
You know, why do you feel that

391
00:21:42,900 --> 00:21:45,600
way?
Where do you think that idea

392
00:21:45,600 --> 00:21:49,400
comes from more often than not?
It comes from a religious

393
00:21:49,400 --> 00:21:53,200
background, whether it be Roman
Catholic, or Mormon, or

394
00:21:53,200 --> 00:21:56,800
something like that.
There has been some statement

395
00:21:56,800 --> 00:21:59,400
made over and over in their
youth.

396
00:21:59,600 --> 00:22:03,500
About your sinner.
You have to prove your worth.

397
00:22:03,700 --> 00:22:06,900
You have to prove that you're
trustworthy rather than being

398
00:22:06,900 --> 00:22:11,600
just worthy from the get-go.
And so I would just start to

399
00:22:11,600 --> 00:22:14,700
question that get curious.
Why do I feel this way?

400
00:22:14,700 --> 00:22:18,200
Where do I think that this idea
this thought that I'm not worthy

401
00:22:18,200 --> 00:22:20,900
as coming from?
Did someone say that to me?

402
00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:24,700
Where is this coming from?
And once you can start to unpack

403
00:22:24,700 --> 00:22:28,200
it a little bit and look at it
from different angles and ask

404
00:22:28,200 --> 00:22:31,300
those kinds of questions.
Ian's and see what comes up, see

405
00:22:31,300 --> 00:22:33,500
what your thoughts are.
See if you can kind of trace it

406
00:22:33,500 --> 00:22:36,900
back, then, you can start to
repair those relationships and

407
00:22:36,900 --> 00:22:41,000
or tell yourself a different
narrative and look for proof and

408
00:22:41,000 --> 00:22:44,500
signs that support that
different narrative that you are

409
00:22:44,600 --> 00:22:47,800
worthy of your goals and dreams.
And you always have been from

410
00:22:47,800 --> 00:22:50,700
the very start.
Mmm, beautiful.

411
00:22:50,900 --> 00:22:54,500
And I think that that is really
great information.

412
00:22:54,500 --> 00:22:59,400
It's hard for people to
inculcate in to live by because

413
00:22:59,600 --> 00:23:03,600
The grief is so dramatic and
that has such a hold on people.

414
00:23:03,600 --> 00:23:06,500
It could be a loss of a child.
It could be, you know, a loss of

415
00:23:06,500 --> 00:23:09,900
a very dear loved one and they
just can't get past it.

416
00:23:09,900 --> 00:23:14,000
And so like, do you have any
more practical examples of like

417
00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:17,800
if you are really in it and just
like it almost seems like the

418
00:23:17,800 --> 00:23:22,100
end, what can somebody do like?
Is there something that somebody

419
00:23:22,100 --> 00:23:26,000
can practically do to get at
least to that little tiny crack

420
00:23:26,000 --> 00:23:28,800
of light?
That little tiny ray of light

421
00:23:28,800 --> 00:23:30,900
that might help?
Up to open up something else

422
00:23:30,900 --> 00:23:33,900
even more positive.
Yeah, you know, it's Jordan

423
00:23:33,900 --> 00:23:35,700
Peterson.
I believe he's either

424
00:23:35,700 --> 00:23:38,500
sociologists or psychologist.
He can't exactly remember.

425
00:23:38,500 --> 00:23:41,700
But he teaches at the University
of Toronto, I believe he's kind

426
00:23:41,700 --> 00:23:45,300
of a controversial guy, but he
wrote this book that basically,

427
00:23:45,300 --> 00:23:48,500
the premise of the book is set
your sights.

428
00:23:48,500 --> 00:23:50,400
Lower.
Like you've set your goals way

429
00:23:50,400 --> 00:23:53,600
too high.
So I think often with grief, we

430
00:23:53,600 --> 00:23:56,900
think like, oh we should be over
it by now, it's been six months,

431
00:23:56,900 --> 00:23:59,400
six years, you know, 12 months
12.

432
00:23:59,600 --> 00:24:03,000
Is ages.
I should be over it by now and

433
00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:05,900
the thing is is like we got to
set our expectations lower.

434
00:24:05,900 --> 00:24:10,800
So if you are really, really
struggling with grief, where you

435
00:24:10,800 --> 00:24:14,900
have your struggle just to get
out of bed, the smallest tiniest

436
00:24:14,900 --> 00:24:18,200
step would be, I'm going to eat
at The Breakfast Table and then

437
00:24:18,200 --> 00:24:21,700
I can come back to bed, right?
And it just take these teeny

438
00:24:21,700 --> 00:24:24,500
tiny micro steps.
I'm going to get up, and I'm

439
00:24:24,508 --> 00:24:28,800
going to make my bed, and if all
I do is make my bed today, I'm

440
00:24:28,800 --> 00:24:29,700
winning.
Right.

441
00:24:29,700 --> 00:24:35,700
So it starts with these teeny,
tiny micro steps to just do one

442
00:24:35,700 --> 00:24:38,900
small thing each day.
And once that becomes like,

443
00:24:38,900 --> 00:24:41,300
okay, I'm getting up and I'm
making buying bed.

444
00:24:41,400 --> 00:24:43,100
All right.
Well, then the next thing is,

445
00:24:43,200 --> 00:24:46,100
you maybe I walk to the end of
the block, I go outside of the

446
00:24:46,100 --> 00:24:48,900
house, right?
And you can determine sort of

447
00:24:48,900 --> 00:24:51,800
what's best for you.
It could be every day, I'm going

448
00:24:51,800 --> 00:24:54,900
to write.
One thing I'm grateful for about

449
00:24:54,900 --> 00:24:57,200
having that person in my life,
right?

450
00:24:57,200 --> 00:25:00,600
If you're dealing with the loss
of someone it Be, you know, if

451
00:25:00,600 --> 00:25:04,500
you're dealing with chronic
illness or a cancer diagnosis,

452
00:25:04,500 --> 00:25:08,700
like I was I would wake up and
say okay what is one thing?

453
00:25:08,700 --> 00:25:13,300
Just one thing I'm super
grateful for today, it starts to

454
00:25:13,300 --> 00:25:17,500
train us, rather than instantly,
beginning with the sadness, the

455
00:25:17,500 --> 00:25:21,600
sorrow in all of the lack, all
of the things that are unfair

456
00:25:21,600 --> 00:25:24,900
that aren't happening that are
hard and heavy to get us started

457
00:25:24,900 --> 00:25:28,900
with just one little bit of
lightness because yeah, the

458
00:25:28,900 --> 00:25:31,600
truth is Is you might have a
roof over your head, right?

459
00:25:31,600 --> 00:25:34,300
Or you might have running clean
running water.

460
00:25:34,600 --> 00:25:37,000
Might have the sun shining
today.

461
00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:40,400
You might have you the rest of
your family, still around.

462
00:25:40,400 --> 00:25:43,300
You wanting to love up on you
and support you right.

463
00:25:43,300 --> 00:25:47,200
There are still always these
good things that are happening

464
00:25:47,400 --> 00:25:50,500
so the place to start would be,
can I just find one of them no

465
00:25:50,500 --> 00:25:53,400
matter how small it is, start
there?

466
00:25:53,500 --> 00:25:57,400
And once that becomes habit and
second nature to wake up and

467
00:25:57,400 --> 00:26:00,500
start with looking for that one
thing that Can add on from

468
00:26:00,500 --> 00:26:01,800
there.
Amazing.

469
00:26:01,900 --> 00:26:05,300
Now, for you because you have
had a series of unfortunate

470
00:26:05,300 --> 00:26:10,000
events is that when paraphrasing
of the called the Series of

471
00:26:10,000 --> 00:26:11,700
Unfortunate Events.
Yes.

472
00:26:11,900 --> 00:26:15,100
What's it after stage for it?
Did you have a breakthrough was

473
00:26:15,100 --> 00:26:17,600
there an epiphany?
Where it's like, oh my gosh you

474
00:26:17,600 --> 00:26:20,500
know I have been living this way
and now I'm going to turn things

475
00:26:20,500 --> 00:26:25,300
around or or was this like a
gradual Resurgence for you that

476
00:26:25,300 --> 00:26:28,400
you were able to?
Even when you had that diagnosis

477
00:26:28,700 --> 00:26:31,500
you were able to To maybe face
it a little bit differently.

478
00:26:31,500 --> 00:26:37,700
I think the answer is yes.
And so I think or yes, both

479
00:26:37,700 --> 00:26:39,400
answer, that's always the right
answer.

480
00:26:39,400 --> 00:26:41,100
Yes.
And yeah.

481
00:26:41,100 --> 00:26:42,900
Yes.
Yes, both.

482
00:26:42,900 --> 00:26:47,900
And maybe it's both and so I
think yes, I sort of had this

483
00:26:47,900 --> 00:26:52,400
gradual because it sort of was
the series of unfortunate events

484
00:26:52,400 --> 00:26:56,500
that each time kind of like
built on the skills and the

485
00:26:56,500 --> 00:27:00,700
learnings, from the time before
that when Sir, came I think I

486
00:27:00,700 --> 00:27:06,600
was in a place to handle it.
Maybe I don't know if better is

487
00:27:06,600 --> 00:27:11,500
the right word, but perhaps more
gracefully than had cancer been

488
00:27:11,500 --> 00:27:13,400
the first thing that had
happened.

489
00:27:13,500 --> 00:27:18,300
So I think For Better, or For
Worse, I had practiced dealing

490
00:27:18,300 --> 00:27:21,600
with these types of things
before cancer came, but I do

491
00:27:21,600 --> 00:27:26,700
have to say that I did also have
this Awakening at one point

492
00:27:26,700 --> 00:27:31,700
during cancer, during run of my
Tation sessions, I got this

493
00:27:31,700 --> 00:27:36,100
sense, this download this
message, whatever you want to

494
00:27:36,100 --> 00:27:40,600
call it, just this overwhelming,
feeling that in some other

495
00:27:40,600 --> 00:27:44,400
existence, in some sort of space
and time, I had asked for a

496
00:27:44,400 --> 00:27:48,300
lesson and this was How the
Universe chose to serve it to me

497
00:27:48,900 --> 00:27:51,900
and perhaps the message.
Actually, now that I'm saying

498
00:27:51,900 --> 00:27:54,500
this to you every time I tell
this story that I D like I get a

499
00:27:54,508 --> 00:27:57,500
little bit more inside a little
bit more peace and to what it

500
00:27:57,500 --> 00:28:00,900
was and right now what's coming
up for Is that I feel like it

501
00:28:00,900 --> 00:28:04,800
was, you know, the universe
saying, hey we keep serving up

502
00:28:04,800 --> 00:28:09,500
all this stuff to you and you
still are not taking the leap to

503
00:28:09,500 --> 00:28:13,400
go and help others find their
joy and their worthiness.

504
00:28:14,300 --> 00:28:17,700
So here's another will, this be
the one?

505
00:28:17,700 --> 00:28:23,600
Will this be the time that you
finally embrace your calling and

506
00:28:23,600 --> 00:28:27,600
go help the world.
And when I got the green light

507
00:28:27,600 --> 00:28:30,700
from cancer saying, like Okay,
you're good now.

508
00:28:30,700 --> 00:28:32,900
We're going to just now you're
in the monitoring phase.

509
00:28:32,900 --> 00:28:35,200
For the next five years, we're
going to just keep monitoring

510
00:28:35,200 --> 00:28:37,600
you and make sure that
everything's okay.

511
00:28:37,600 --> 00:28:40,900
I thought there's no way I can
go back to the job.

512
00:28:41,000 --> 00:28:45,500
The sales, rep job that I had
before that just seems like to

513
00:28:45,500 --> 00:28:49,900
go back to the life I had before
seems like such a waste of what

514
00:28:49,900 --> 00:28:53,300
I've just been through.
So my Dutch boyfriend at the

515
00:28:53,300 --> 00:28:56,500
time I said, I'm so I put my job
of 15 years.

516
00:28:56,500 --> 00:28:59,300
I sold everything I owned.
I kissed my son.

517
00:28:59,500 --> 00:29:03,700
It was all good and like on the
up and happy again and back to

518
00:29:03,700 --> 00:29:06,100
his old self.
And I moved to the Netherlands

519
00:29:06,100 --> 00:29:09,400
and started my coaching business
because I was like, okay, it

520
00:29:09,400 --> 00:29:12,400
Now's the Time because my life
can change in an instant, that's

521
00:29:12,400 --> 00:29:14,300
what cancer taught me.
And I don't know why I'm

522
00:29:14,300 --> 00:29:16,300
waiting.
I don't know why I'm afraid so

523
00:29:16,300 --> 00:29:18,900
that I lay there and say, I
Woulda Coulda Shoulda.

524
00:29:18,900 --> 00:29:21,700
No, I'm not going to do that
anymore and so that you have

525
00:29:21,700 --> 00:29:25,300
your coaching practice, can you
tell us about what kinds of

526
00:29:25,300 --> 00:29:30,700
practice it is and who would be
a perfect client for You yeah.

527
00:29:30,700 --> 00:29:34,300
So I right now I do one-on-one
private coaching in small group

528
00:29:34,300 --> 00:29:38,200
coaching and it is for anyone
who has been put through the

529
00:29:38,200 --> 00:29:41,600
ringer and they're looking to
accomplish their big audacious

530
00:29:41,600 --> 00:29:45,900
goals, whatever they may be.
So I have everyone from people

531
00:29:45,900 --> 00:29:48,500
who have just recently left the
Mormon church and I'm trying to

532
00:29:48,500 --> 00:29:52,000
find out what their identity is
again without that, I have

533
00:29:52,000 --> 00:29:54,400
people who have gone through
divorce.

534
00:29:54,400 --> 00:29:58,600
I have people looking for new
careers, I have people just

535
00:29:58,600 --> 00:30:02,800
wanting to be Happier and enjoy
the life that they have and feel

536
00:30:02,800 --> 00:30:07,200
like they are worthy of the life
that they have and let go of

537
00:30:07,200 --> 00:30:10,600
some of this baggage.
And some of this guilt and shame

538
00:30:10,600 --> 00:30:14,600
around what they have or haven't
done in their life so that they

539
00:30:14,600 --> 00:30:17,400
can actually enjoy the life that
they do have.

540
00:30:17,400 --> 00:30:22,300
So I coach men and women and we
do a discovery session where we

541
00:30:22,300 --> 00:30:24,900
just talked about like what is
it that you're looking for?

542
00:30:24,900 --> 00:30:29,200
Where do you feel stuck or itchy
or incomplete in your life and

543
00:30:29,200 --> 00:30:32,200
then We make a plan to move.
You closer to it.

544
00:30:32,400 --> 00:30:34,400
Mmm, beautiful.
Beautiful.

545
00:30:34,900 --> 00:30:37,600
I know that sometimes people
feel like they're stuck in that

546
00:30:37,600 --> 00:30:40,000
Loop, they are.
It's like they could the history

547
00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:41,700
repeating themselves.
They get, they start attracting

548
00:30:41,700 --> 00:30:44,700
the same types of people getting
into the same relationships,

549
00:30:44,700 --> 00:30:48,000
finding the same calamities and
that is a pure Telltale sign

550
00:30:48,000 --> 00:30:51,100
that they haven't overcome, what
they need to overcome in their

551
00:30:51,100 --> 00:30:53,500
life in order to break through
and live the life that they

552
00:30:53,500 --> 00:30:54,600
really want.
Yeah.

553
00:30:54,600 --> 00:30:57,700
And you know getting the life
that you really want is scary

554
00:30:57,700 --> 00:31:01,100
too because it feels like So
unfamiliar right?

555
00:31:01,100 --> 00:31:05,000
We're so used to that cycle.
We're so used to the roller

556
00:31:05,000 --> 00:31:08,500
coaster ride going up and down,
and the thrill, and the Baha'is,

557
00:31:08,500 --> 00:31:11,000
and the lows, and we get
comfortable in that even though

558
00:31:11,000 --> 00:31:13,200
it's not serving us.
And if we're really honest were

559
00:31:13,200 --> 00:31:16,800
miserable, but getting off, the
ride, can be really scary too

560
00:31:16,800 --> 00:31:18,500
because we don't know what's on
the other side.

561
00:31:18,500 --> 00:31:23,300
So part of my coaching and my
support is to stand by you to be

562
00:31:23,300 --> 00:31:25,000
here.
Like I'm off the right and I'm

563
00:31:25,000 --> 00:31:27,900
going to walk with you as we
navigate with this looks like

564
00:31:27,900 --> 00:31:31,200
once you step off and Once you
create this whole new life

565
00:31:31,300 --> 00:31:35,300
because it's going to be all new
and uncomfortable and a little

566
00:31:35,300 --> 00:31:38,300
unnerving sometimes as well.
So, you know, I just want to be

567
00:31:38,500 --> 00:31:41,900
real with people to say, like,
you don't change comes with

568
00:31:42,000 --> 00:31:45,300
unknowns and that can be
unnerving for people.

569
00:31:45,300 --> 00:31:48,100
So to have someone by your side
who's like I'm right here.

570
00:31:48,100 --> 00:31:50,700
I got you is really helpful.
Yeah.

571
00:31:50,700 --> 00:31:54,500
And as an example, I too am also
twice-divorced gone through

572
00:31:54,500 --> 00:31:57,900
quite a bit of my own.
You know, personal drama /

573
00:31:57,900 --> 00:32:01,700
trauma and I Member there was
one point in my life where I did

574
00:32:01,700 --> 00:32:04,800
feel like I was trapped.
I felt like I was trapped in

575
00:32:04,800 --> 00:32:08,900
this position where I just
wasn't living my whole truth and

576
00:32:08,900 --> 00:32:14,300
it wasn't until I felt brave
enough to write a message to all

577
00:32:14,300 --> 00:32:17,600
of my siblings because there was
always this fear like what will

578
00:32:17,600 --> 00:32:19,700
my parents think?
What will my family say?

579
00:32:19,700 --> 00:32:23,400
Like it was almost like I was
keeping myself small and afraid

580
00:32:23,400 --> 00:32:26,800
to have a voice because of the
way that I felt like I was

581
00:32:26,800 --> 00:32:30,500
supposed to be and I just feel
like physically like wrote out

582
00:32:30,500 --> 00:32:33,200
this message that said I'm not
asking for permission.

583
00:32:33,200 --> 00:32:36,400
I'm just letting you know, this
is how I intend to be living my

584
00:32:36,400 --> 00:32:38,900
life out in the open from now
on.

585
00:32:39,600 --> 00:32:41,800
And it was like the floodgates
just opened.

586
00:32:41,800 --> 00:32:44,500
It was just so liberating and
that was the block that I needed

587
00:32:44,500 --> 00:32:46,800
to get across.
It was that family that feeling

588
00:32:46,800 --> 00:32:49,500
of shame or that feeling of what
are others going to think, of

589
00:32:49,500 --> 00:32:53,000
me?
If I do this, letting that voice

590
00:32:53,000 --> 00:32:57,100
control, what my life was, like,
rather than you doing it for me,

591
00:32:58,000 --> 00:33:01,800
building me and it was great.
Yeah well congratulations.

592
00:33:01,800 --> 00:33:06,200
I mean it's huge right?
And but it was probably scary AF

593
00:33:06,200 --> 00:33:07,700
to do that.
Yeah.

594
00:33:07,700 --> 00:33:10,500
It is, you know, I think
sometimes it sounds like for

595
00:33:10,500 --> 00:33:13,600
yourself and I know this was
true for me, that ultimately I

596
00:33:13,600 --> 00:33:17,100
think we get to this point where
like we're not doing it is

597
00:33:17,100 --> 00:33:20,400
scarier, right?
Not doing it is literally

598
00:33:20,400 --> 00:33:22,000
killing me.
Hmm.

599
00:33:22,200 --> 00:33:24,900
So if I do it, what's the worst,
right?

600
00:33:24,900 --> 00:33:27,600
So that's so amazing.
And so happy for you that you

601
00:33:27,600 --> 00:33:30,400
were able to clear that block
and Open up like that.

602
00:33:30,400 --> 00:33:32,700
And I think for others, I've,
you know, learned this recently

603
00:33:32,700 --> 00:33:34,800
is like, rather than thinking,
well, what's the worst that can

604
00:33:34,800 --> 00:33:36,200
happen?
Because that's keeping you

605
00:33:36,200 --> 00:33:39,100
looking back and thinking, of
you, the downside, what's the

606
00:33:39,100 --> 00:33:41,100
risk?
Think about what's the best,

607
00:33:41,100 --> 00:33:42,600
second happen.
Absolutely.

608
00:33:42,600 --> 00:33:45,100
What is the upside?
Like, what if I actually let

609
00:33:45,100 --> 00:33:47,500
this go?
What if I could, you know, move

610
00:33:47,500 --> 00:33:49,800
to the Netherlands and start a
whole brand new life with a

611
00:33:49,800 --> 00:33:53,100
whole new bunch of cells?
That's me now like I think about

612
00:33:53,100 --> 00:33:56,600
all of the amazing things that
could be and get excited about

613
00:33:56,600 --> 00:33:59,900
the life that you want.
So live rather than Being, you

614
00:33:59,900 --> 00:34:02,700
know, the worrying and fear.
That's all of those negative

615
00:34:02,700 --> 00:34:05,500
vibrations that are keeping you
small or keeping you where you

616
00:34:05,500 --> 00:34:08,400
are and keeping you looping, I
call it Purgatory.

617
00:34:08,500 --> 00:34:13,100
You know, it's like, you know,
break through and figure out

618
00:34:13,100 --> 00:34:15,600
what those questions are with a
coach, like, carry.

619
00:34:15,600 --> 00:34:18,100
That can really help find some
answers for you.

620
00:34:18,300 --> 00:34:20,699
Yeah, 100%.
I couldn't agree more.

621
00:34:20,699 --> 00:34:24,500
I think, you know, questions and
curiosity is what life is all

622
00:34:24,500 --> 00:34:26,800
about?
And yeah, I would love to help

623
00:34:26,800 --> 00:34:31,000
more people break through their
rocks that they can live their

624
00:34:31,000 --> 00:34:35,000
truest truth and and live their
joy and live the life that

625
00:34:35,000 --> 00:34:37,699
they've always been worthy of
having absolutely.

626
00:34:37,900 --> 00:34:40,600
Well, Carrie, thank you so much
for being a role model.

627
00:34:40,600 --> 00:34:42,699
Thank you, for sharing your
story with us.

628
00:34:43,000 --> 00:34:45,600
All of your information is going
in the show notes so that people

629
00:34:45,600 --> 00:34:49,699
can find you, and I wish you so
much happiness and success and

630
00:34:49,699 --> 00:34:52,300
abundance in your life.
Thank you very much for being

631
00:34:52,300 --> 00:34:54,699
with us today.
So, it is my pleasure.

632
00:34:54,699 --> 00:34:57,400
Thank you so much and I wish the
same right back at you.

633
00:34:57,400 --> 00:34:58,700
Thanks so much.
Jennifer.